STARSHIP ENTERPRISE

2011-12-23T13:36:00.000-08:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 11197.8
As the year 2011 winds down, I wanted to take a moment to wish the crew, their families and friends, and all the readers of the Enterprise Captain's Log, a wonderfully joyous holiday season along with a happy and healthy (and breezy) new year.

It looks like 2012 will hold some interesting times for our crew -- new people, new positions and, quite possibly, big changes at EBYRA.

Nevertheless, plans are under way to make the Enterprise better than ever with some new hardware, new control lines and some other enhancements that will be sure to have us continue our flagship status.

It's hard to believe, but the Enterprise will launch again in a little over four months, once again continuing her mission of boldly going . . .

But, between now and then, we have a Northeast winter to get through, packed with, I'm sure, chill-to-the-bone temperatures and several feet of snow to dig my car out of. Still, as much as I hate -- HATE -- snow, I know some of you are hoping for a white Christmas this year. So, for them, I share with you a quote from Captain Jean-Luc Picard:

Have a great one -- see you after Stardate 11200.0.

2011-10-31T06:50:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 11183.3
As I prepare for my last big business trip for the year, I realized that today is the last day of October, or, as we say on the Enterprise, "Spocktober".

Commander Richard, obviously very, very busy at work, sent me an email this morning with this little gem attached to it.

So, from me, him and the entire crew of the Enterprise, we wish you a safe and spooky-fun-filled Halloween. Try not to drink too much.

2011-10-19T07:02:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 11180.0
While there hasn't been a whole lot of activity over the past few weeks, the 2011 racing season officially came to a close yesterday when the Enterprise was decommissioned for the season and hauled yesterday afternoon on a day in which you hoped you could squeeze another month in somehow:

On board to assist the expert yard crew of the Morris Yacht and Beach Club were Captain Dave, Lt. Commander Ellen and myself. In no time at all, we had the Enterprise lined up for hauling, the backstay off and the engine winterized -- and then the slings came and - so sad - our season was done:

But wait -- problem! There, protruding from the bottom of our keel like a photo on Andrew Wiener's Twitter Account, was our centerboard. Somebody didn't do a good job of raising it 100% on our last race (ahem, EMILY!) But, in the end, it gave me a chance to inspect, clean and test my ladder-climbing skills onto a moving object. Splash splash and crank crank (again, much like Andrew Wiener's Twitter Account) and all was back to normal:

The powerwash of the hull was fast, thanks to the bottom cleaning a couple of weeks ago:

It was getting dark fast, so, once secured in the lower lot, we quickly pulled the speedo, reattached the backstay and winterized the bilge and head before heading out to a delicious yet tremendous-weight-gaining dinner at Artie's on City Island.

Thanks to Ensign Emily, Ensign Beth, Lt. Zoraida and Lt. Kurt for coming out over the weekend for the non-hauling (was blowing too strong for the travel-lift). Sorry it didn't happen, but I now admit that there are some things that are out of a captain's control. Some things.

The punch list for 2012 has already started to grow, including some work being done on our sails. In the meantime, stay tuned for news about our Enterprise Ice Skating and Enterprise Ski Weekend events as well as bad movie nights and Super Bowl viewing. Hopefully the wnter will breeze by fast so we can start our work parties, launch, and once again, boldly go.

2011-09-21T18:51:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 11172.6
Starfleet Command file 20110921:
Classified Report on Operation Question Pop -- Successful
After a full week of encoded subspace messages (private emails) to Enterprise Officers Capt. Dave, Lt. Zoraida, Lt. Kurt, Ensign Beth and Ensign Emily, Starfleet Command's highly-classified mission, Operation Question Pop, turned out to be a complete success.

Now classified as public knowledge, and for the purposes of archiving the events as they unfolded, I submit the process here on the Captain's Log:

Day One, Stardate 11170.4: The Enterprise finishes Race 19, the final race of the 2011 EBYRA Wednesday Night Race Series. Ellen knows that there is a ring en route to my office at Starfleet Headquarters (in Tarrytown) but has no idea of when it will arrive, or, more importantly, how long it will take to actually be given to her. Weeks? Months? Years?

Day Two, Stardate 11170.7: Contact is made with UK sailmakers to produce a 8' x 10' banner. First email is sent to participants regarding the plan of attack. Captain's Log is sent out to all crew by email. Conversations with Ellen regarding EBYRA results, committee boats and politics -- all to throw her off. Deception and Behind-The-Back Plotting: Who says I'm not ready for marriage?

Day Three, Stardate 11171.0: Imagine that, UK quotes BIG on simple project. Oh well. Defender.com here I come. Big roll of 3/4 ounce white nylon sail material: check! Big supply of 12" sail letters: Check! Grommet kit: Check. Sent emails to the crew with a YouTube video and a data sheet on a C&C 37R racing information.

Day Four, Stardate 11171.2: Still need to throw Ellen off. It's 50 degrees outside and blowing 20-25, so I'll still push forward with our cruise plans to Oyster Bay and dinner at our favorite restaurant Canterbury Ales. Normally, I'd say, it's too cold and windy for cruising, but she might think the question will come at the restaurant. She does her hair and looks great. Dinner comes and goes. Nothing. Insert evil laugh here: Buwahhhh Hah Hah!!

Day Five, Stardate 11171.5: Enterprise achieves Warp 9.6 on the jib alone in 20-25 on the way back from Oyster Bay. We get back extra early so I throw in an average-Sunday plan of supermarket shopping and an evening watching the Emmys. Charlie Sheen -- "Winning" $100M settlement from Warner Bros. -- and Michael Bolton singing Captain Jack Sparrow steal the show.

Day Six, Stardate 11171.8: The big box from Defender arrives. My office, usually used for legal work, CLE processing and program event management, is now a sail loft. Encoded emails to the crew regarding the plan. Meet Kurt somewhere on 287 or Beth in the Beirut (South Yonkers) waterfront. Decide to throw Ellen off further by distributing a photo to the entire crew of a boat with a 80-foot mast going under a 12-foot bridge.

Day Seven, Stardate 11172.1: The banner is finished. Plan is set to meet up with Beth in South Yonkers to pass off it off. I'm unarmed, but I go anyway. Instructions sent to the crew on how to hang -- use any line or halyard on the Enterprise they deem necessary.

Final Day, Stardate 11172.3: Must give the crew time to set up the banner. Thankfully, a client came in to the office late in the day to discuss copyrighting an iPhone/iPad app he developed. He tells me to take my time, to which I replied, "I'm billing you hourly. Of course I'll take my time." I pick Ellen up at my place, making a further-delay plan by meeting up with Richie Coar to give him the registration for our almost-sold Committee Boat. On the way to City Island, we discuss my copyright business, EBYRA shake-ups and everything but what was about to go down.

We get to the pier and she sees, off in the distance, a banner flying, but believes it's on a boat beyond the Enterprise. Feeling cold, though, she runs back down the pier towards the car to get a jacket (the crew is thinking that she saw the sign and ran away.)

Back at the pier, getting on the launch, she asks if I know anything about the banner on the other boat, and if I know where the crew for the evening was, only planning for a short sail on what we call the 20th Race of the 19-Race Wednesday Night Race Series.

The launch makes its way to the Enterprise and she looks again:

Mission Success!! A total surprise!

So I'm on my way to boldly going where no Enterprise Captain has gone before. Not sure of exactly when, but it'll be soon. I think it was Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Enterprise-D who said it best . . .

I think the worst part of it all is that I'll now have to assign Ellen to the foredeck for the next several seasons. After all, she's basically wearing the new headsail on her finger.

2011-09-15T07:03:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 11170.7
It's sad to say, but it looks like that time of the year has come again -- the final race of the year's EBYRA Wednesday Night Race Series. As we powered out to the starting area, taking a quick glance at the new EBYRA Committee Boat and watching the skeleton crew prepare the Enterprise for the race, I began to ponder the usual questions associated with the end of the season:

What crew will return? Who won't return? Can Alex find a way to the Bronx without getting a ride from Kenny? Will I remain the EBYRA Commodore? (hint: would like to see black smoke.) What improvements need to be made to the Enterprise for next season? What commendations/promotions should I award the crew? When is the Star Trek sequel being released?

And, when will John Esposito get to eat a real balanced meal so that he won't have that white sludge dripping out of the side of his mouth every time he sees Ellen and so he won't have to settle for eating dessert off of muddy grass? See 0:55 on this video.

First, the race itself. Missing from the team for the final mission was Commander Jory, Lt. Jonathan, Lt. Kenny, Lt. Kurt, Crewman Beth and Crewman Alex -- all either more than 1,000 miles away or so close that they should be ashamed of themselves (you know who you are.)

Luckily, Crewman Emily risked the collision of worlds and brought out her boyfriend Frank, who has a wealth of sailing and racing experience -- so much so, that I have offered him a permanent spot on the Enterprise for 2012 if he wants it.

Our start was the best of the season - At the favored end of the line, full speed, at the 0:00 mark, and full rights on the rest of the fleet trying to start on port tack. Was glorious to see each one have to change course and duck our stern. And if we had close to the amount of breeze we had the week before, we'd be unstoppable. Our spinnaker sets and jibes were textbook with only a slight amount of chaos on the first take down -- mostly because Mark L, 46A, appears to have a cloaking device set to activate after the sun sets.

We had some great cross-tacking moments and some action-packed roundings. All in all, a great way to end our weeknight racing season. It almost didn't matter what position we were in -- we were having a blast.

So it is now, before our Race 20 of the 19-Race Wednesday Night Race Series and possible entry in the PWYC Charity Cup, that I take a moment and review crew performance:

Captain Dave once again receives a commendation in his file for excellence as the Captain of Foredeck and First Officer of the Enterprise. Dave often refers to the foredeck as his foredeck - so much so that I often consider sending him the bills for repairs and upgrades that take place ahead of the mast, But, once again, all the John and Jane Does on Hart Island are revived from the dead as he yells out "Noooooooooooooo!"

A commendation is also hereby awarded to Commander Richard, mostly just on last night alone. On our way back to the mooring, he said "I must have did a good job today. You didn't yell at me once." I guess I didn't. And yeah, I guess he did. Way to go dad.

A commendation to Commander Jory for his performance for most of the season. As long as school or slow public transportation isn't in the way, Jory does an excellent job commanding the guy and filling in whenever needed in a variety of positions. He, along with a few others on board, are what we tend to call "utility infielders"; able to fill in at any post at any time.

Lt. Commander Mitch has taken on more responsibility this season trimming the chute and the jib. He's really starting to get the gist of of trim, sail shape, and draft. I feel that with a little more time and practice, it will all come together for us. Mitch has also been vital to EBYRA as a whole in offering free transportation services to Brooklyn each night to three single women, now forever to be known as "Mitch's Bitches." A commendation goes in Mitch's file as well as an unofficial "Atta Boy" for the babes.

Not only has Ellen proven to be dedicated schedule-wise on weeknights and weekends, she has been a tremendous help in keeping the Enterprise at her "Flagship" status, helping in clean-up, repairs and upgrades. And before you say "She's your girlfriend, Edd. She has to," those who have been with the team for several years will remember that the previous girlfriends did not. As Dave said earlier in the season, "This one's a keeper." Well, more on that later. In the meantime, Ellen is awarded an increase in rank to Lt. Commander.

Lt. Jonathan may have finally worked out his calculations for traveling through time. Actually, not "through" as much as it is "in". You see, in previous years and in the first half of the season this year, Jonathan had a reputation of always being late. After buying a few crew dinners, it looks like he's conquered this problem and we don't need to chip in for an executive coach for him.

Lt. Zoraida had a tough year -- aside from professional challenges, she also went through the painful medical procedure of removing a Denebian Slime Devil named Steve from her ass. Still, it looks like things are picking up for her and we hope to see her back in 2012 and beyond as a valued member of the team. But, you know, Zoraida, bringing a cookie now and then again would be nice.

Two years ago, I was put in the unfortunate position of demoting Kurt to the rank of Ensign for his lack of reporting to duty on the Enterprise. I'm happy to see that Kurt has reinvested himself and am equally as happy to restore his rank to Lieutenant. We are especially thankful to Kurt for his performance last week when he, singlehandedly, threw his body in front of each of oncoming wave just to keep the deck of the Enterprise and the rest of the crew dry. And, the State of New York was thankful that they no longer have to test the water post-Irene for toxicity levels between storm runoff and sewerage -- Kurt is still alive!

Beth, when not hiking trails or traveling to who knows where has done extremely well on the foredeck team. This marks Beth's first full season on board, having joined us midway through last season. She's always the first to reply to crew-availaibility emails and I owe her thanks for helping Dave, Kurt and I for our annual corporate cruise last month. Effective immediately, she is increased to the rank of Ensign.

Emily has been hard to read all season -- Is she having fun? Does she like racing? Is she getting along with the rest of the crew? Will she stick with it? Well, many of those questions were answered last night when, after being asked by someone if the centerboard was up yet, she replied "I'm still working on the FUCKING topping lift!" And here we thought she was this sweet girl who worked with flowers and plants all day. Damn! Nevertheless, we hope she continues on in 2012 and beyond. She is awarded an increase of rank to Ensign.

Alex brings to the men on the Enterprise something we've been lacking for quite some time now: Youth and strength. I've been very impressed with Alex's enthusiasm and willingness to learn more and I sincerely hope he chooses to stick with it for next year and the years to come. I think his biggest hurdle is finding a way, without a transporter, to get to City Island from his office in Manhattan. Thankfully, he has all winter to work that out. Effective this stardate, he is increased in rank to Ensign.

Finally, I ask all crew to look around for a person or two they think may be suitable to join the ranks next year. Tell them about the Enterprise, our great crew and our Prime Directive: "Wherever we go, we go boldly."

See you next Wednesday for our Race 20.

2011-09-08T06:52:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 11168.8
The season appears to be winding down and we're now seeing a bit of attrition by the crew meeting their post-Labor Day work and school needs. Missing from last night's race was Captain's Dave's entire foredeck team of Lt. Zoraida and Crewman Beth and the guy's guy himself, Commander Jory Stark.

Winds were shifty, but quite strong coming out of the East, and Dave did his best briefing his new team of Lt. Kurt and Commander Richard on the ins and outs of the busy Enterprise foredeck.

Our start was in the middle of the pack, sandwiched between Forza and the Terrorist. Thanks to the increase of breeze, we were holding our own in clean air and making way through the chop. Then, the breeze shifted a little more to the South and then increased to 18-20. Add to that 4-foot rolling waves building from down the Sound. Finally! Conditions that this starship was designed for!

As other boats in our division beared off to deal with the wind and waves, we never did, holding our wind angles and moving steadily through it all. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the awesome power of the Starship Enterprise!

And while the Enterprise showed no signs of stress or fatigue, on our last tack on the upwind leg, Kurt was now completely drenched head to toe and my father was having a little problem with a little thing known as gravity. I feared that just one more degree of heel and we would have been on a rescue mission.

We rounded the mark well ahead of everyone, turned 90 degrees and set the chute. The Enterprise accelerated to a steady (yes, steady) Warp 9.2!!

Now, remember when you were younger and were playing video games on your Atari 2600? And do you remember when, sometimes, the situation would arise in which you chose a certain path and saw impending doom ahead -- so much so that you wanted to pull the cartridge and reset the game? Well, that's what my GPS looked like. There we were, a little black arrow surrounded in white and up ahead, scrolling very quickly downward was darker blue (shallow water) and yellow (land.)

So, naturally, I called for a jibe. And aside from traveling over Warp 9 in complete darkness with a different foredeck crew, what could possibly go wrong with that?

"Are we ready to jibe?" I yelled.
Nothing.
I yelled louder: "ARE WE READY TO JIBE??"
I heard two people say ready.
So, I started to jibe.
Over 100 miles away, children were awoken startled by the yell from Dave on the foredeck. "Noooooooooooo!!!!" It was a yell so loud it revived each John and Jane Doe laid to rest on Hart Island.

So I waited. But the video game GPS was getting worse. And in this game, we don't get extra lives. I went to increase the zoom level on the device but then realized I was two levels lower than where I thought I was.

As a starship captain, it is part of my job to remain calm and controlled for the benefit of the crew around him. So, it was with much calm and much control that I yelled forward "I'm running out of fucking water!! I need to jibe now!"

I'm still not sure what was going on up there. Reports are that Dave could not move the spinnaker pole because Kurt was hanging on for dear life. Just another example of how self preservation gets in the way of good racing.

The yellow land line was getting closer. Warp 9.2 still. I glanced forward to the trees on Hart Island. 30 boat lengths. 20 boat lengths. Then Dave said ready! Yes!

But we weren't. Not really.

I turned the Enterprise towards the finish and, from what I can tell, the spinnaker jibed and then, for lack of a better explanation, tacked. It also then, somehow, wrapped the halyard around the top jib roller and maybe, though hard to imagine, around the mast light. It was, and index this all you want Google, the spinnaker clusterfuck to end all spinnaker clusterfucks.

But at least we weren't heading towards Hart Island any longer. I ordered the spinnaker down and the foredeck team, exhausted yet happy to be alive, worked to get it down over the next few minutes. Because of the wraps around the top, we were unable to get the jib out, but we still pressed on with the main alone at Warp 7.1. How bad was it up there? Let's just say any plans I had for cruising to Northport or Oyster Bay this weekend have been shot to hell.

With less than a mile to go, still on the main alone in the Warp 7 range we made a shocking discovery. There were no stern lights ahead -- just the faint glow from the committee boat. All that, and we were still in first place! Lt. Kenny even suggested that we drop the main and drift over the line just to "show them".

Later that evening, the results confirmed it -- a first for the Enterprise. Well-earned and well-deserved, too. We said our goodbyes to Lt. Jonathan (it was his final race of the season) and to Lt. Kenny who is heading out to Hong Kong for the next two years (Lt. Commander Mitch already asked him if he knows of any good American take-out restaurants.)

Only one more Wednesday Night Race to go. If anyone is available on Sunday for a little mast climbing, let me know, otherwise we'll have to get an early start next week prior to racing to clean up up there.

2011-09-01T07:35:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 11166.8
Between the earthquake, hurricane, tornados and severe flooding in the northeast recently, I'm reminded of Ming The Merciless (played to perfection by Max Von Sydow) being asked by Clytus if he's going to destroy this planet in the SK system that the inhabitants call Earth during the opening scene of the mid-1980's Flash Gordon movie, to which Ming happily replies, "Later, I'd like to play with things awhile . . .before annihilation. " Then cue the real star of the film; the soundtrack by Queen. Dum Dum Dum Dum Dum Dum Dum (lightning-bolt) Flash! Ah-ahhh! Savior of the Universe! (it's in your head now - admit it. Click here!)

It also seemed that part of Ming's destructive plan was to suck all of the wind out of Eastchester Bay last night, leaving the Enterprise, and thirty other ships, all drifting around as lifeless as Sam J. Jones' acting career. Who is Sam J. Jones you ask? The guy who played Flash Gordon, of course. And I rest my case.

I think the worst part is we had some hope. When Captain Dave, Lt. Ellen and I arrived at the Enterprise, Commander Richard and Lt. Zoraida were already well into re-rigging the boat after the big storm. And, as other crew arrived while I did some quick engineering repairs on the lower decks, it looked like the wind was trying to come in a bit. Certainly not enough to give the Enterprise any real power, but enough to get a race in.

The race committee decided on a long course, in hopes that things would build. How long a course? To Pluto. And back.

Without Flash Gordon to save us, the wind got lighter and lighter. On our second windward leg, crew focus turned from sail trim to iPhones and BlackBerrys. There was some snoring on the foredeck and a point where Lt. Ellen was strongly considering opening the overnight lockers, grabbing a pillow and blanket, and giving the Froli Sleep System installed in the Captain's Quarters berth a real try.

Stuck in subwarp for seemingly days on end, there was even a moment where the Enterprise had a 1-knot wake but, thanks to the current, was standing absolutely still.

Subspace communications (the VHF radio) came alive with questions about time limits, who has finished and vessels withdrawing. Finally, at 9:45, we got the call that nobody in our division finished and our time limit expired. And then, thanks to the 50HP Universal Diesel below, the Enterprise saw over Warp 5 for the first time of the night.

Oh well -- it happens. Still, with the amazing sunset over NYC and the great temperature, it was a great night to be on the water. There are two races to go in the Wednesday Night Series (along with our annual 20th Race of the 19-Race Series) , then, hopefully, we will compete in the PWYC Charity Cup again.

2011-08-18T06:50:00.000-07:00

Kaptain's Log: Stardate 11163.0
With Kenny working, Alex stuck in NYC without a ride, Emily still on vacation and my father frustrated that his iPhone won't download porn during his flight to Newark from Sante Fe, the Enterprise Krew gathered for Race 12 of the EBYRA Wednesday Night Race Series. Filling in was a guest crewmwmber from Dave's Kayaking club, John. The winds were steady out of the South, but all weather forecast models were calling for a substantial decrease after the sun sets (sunset time was 22 minutes after our start, by the way.) But hey, what the hell. Eben decided to cook up another long Kourse.

And, as predicted, the wind got light. Still, thanks to the work of the team, we configured the sails and centerboard, we pushed hard to keep our place on the first leg, then had a perfect spinnaker set, followed by a textbook jibe and take down.

On the next windward leg, conditions were so nice and so perfect. The Enterprise was heeled at 10 degrees, traveling at Warp 5.7. As I heard the Krew remark at how great the sailing was, I fought the inner urge to bear off, set the chute and head towards Block Island.

But no, there was racing still be done. And, we put a great deal of distance between us and Glory Days -- and were catching up to the Terrorist. One more mark rounding, another set, another jibe and who Knows.

So there we were, approaching the Throgs NecK Bridge. The Kurrent extra strong. The pole up, the spinnaker set . . .

And we hit the marK. I'll let you guess which marK it was, but there are hints throughout this Kaptain's Log. Really SeKret tough hints.

We didn't smacK into it all that hard, but there was a good part of it left on the hull of the Enterprise. We took quite a few minutes to re-round the marK, and in my mind, I was half expecting the side of the ship to look like this:

We managed to stay ahead of Glory Days, but not enough to make up for corrected time.

Oh well, we finished fourth. But, without Richard on board, things were much quieter. The only challenge left for the night was Zoraida.

You see, coming out to the race, Lt. Zoraida left her purse, with basically her whole life in it, on the Bx29 bus.

Como se dice "Ditzy" en espanol?

I won't go into full details involving cryptic text messaging, phone calls to deaf roommates and late-night "Mission: Impossible"-esqe chase sequence through Pelham Park between a Honda Pilot and a City Island Bus, but after a phone call to a guy named Salerosa and a trek to the bus depot outside co-op city, I'm happy to report that the purse is back in the hands of its rightful owner -- iPod, cards and cash intact.

What adventures await next week? We shall see.....

2011-08-11T07:57:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 11161.1
With a very strong West-Northwesterly moving through Eastchester Bay, the conditions were very favorable for the Enterprise, even with a limited crew on board with several key people missing from duty. We started in good position on our first no-tack leg to the "windward" mark, rounding first ahead of fleet. All we need to do is get the jibe-set right and we're golden.

So much for golden. Hence the reason this Captain's Log continues to be #1 on Google for "Spinnaker Clusterfuck."

The spinnaker pole was stuck on the mast and we were instantly passed by Forza and Upchucka. Captain Dave, Commander Richard and Lt. Zoraida were working as fast as they could to fix the situation -- and, thanks to the efforts of the team on the bridge, we kept the boat moving as fast as we could on the main and blanketed jib.

Forza and Upchucka were pulling away. But, thankfully, the team was able to get everything stabilized. The pole went up, the guy was fed, the halyard went up and the chute filled just as an 18-20 gust was coming through . . . Warp 8!

Then Warp 8.1, Warp 8.2, Warp 8.4 . . .

In no time at all, we were back in the race, closing FAST on the lead two boats and putting some distance on the one behind us. At the first leeward mark, we rounded in second, just behind Upchucka -- then we passed them on the next upwind leg, thanks to the great work by the bridge team, including our guest grinder from Lima, OH; Gregg Delman. For those of you who don't know where Lima is, it's one of those dots in between New York and California. Actually, on most maps, they don't even get a dot. Basically, go to Toledo and head south until you've lost all your hopes and dreams. Then go a few miles further.

We rounded the next windward mark in second again, just behind Forza who was attempting to engage their cloaking device by not using their mast light or stern light. Our second jibe-set was textbook and the Enterprise took off again at high warp past French Fry Point at the tip of City Island.

Another great take-down and final upwind leg -- and the Enterprise crossed the line in second, correcting into third for the night. And, despite the troubles we experienced on the first chute set, this was, by far, our most fun and satisfying race of the season. The crew was a little out of their comfort zone, the winds clocked up at times and the great speeds made for an unforgettable evening.

The crew organized the deck as we headed back home under impulse drive. Commander Jory positioned himself on the foredeck near Lt. Zoraida to pick up the mooring and all was going well until we heard Zoraida scream that Jory was putting his, and I quote, "long stick between her legs."

Hey. She's single. He's single. It's been six years. What took him so long?

Once back ashore, in an effort to get served food sometime before the 24th Century, we decided to skip the club and head straight to Johnnie's Reef Restaurant on French Fry Point for dinner. It was absolutely delicious, but the crew had enough fried shrimp, fried clams, fried chicken, fried squid and fries to qualify as test subjects for the next pharmaceutical trials for Maximum-Strength Plavix.

2011-07-28T06:32:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 11157.3
Last night's race began with us taking advantage of a good position and forcing the Terrorist over the line early. Now, I know the Enterprise is supposed to stand for all nations and all worlds, but that one was for America baby. I know it's been years since his "Not everybody loves this country" crack on my suggestion to add to the 2002 Sailing Instructions a request that all boats fly an American flag during racing on the anniversary of 9/11 (I called it "United We Sail",) but hey, it still kinda pisses me off.

Unfortunately, after the maneuver, we too were ever so slightly over the line -- and since the Race Committee never got the memo on never calling the EBYRA Commodore over early -- we had to do a quick loop, dip below the line and restart. Yuck. We had a lot of ground to make up and not a whole lot of water to do it in.

We rounded the first mark in last position, but thanks to a great spinnaker set on our end and a sideways set on Choucas, we did gain some great position. Now we had to do our best to gain more ground on the long downwind leg into Little Neck Bay in a dying breeze.

We had a real opportunity to do some serious gains, but our tactician called for deep downwind jibes based on the angles he was reading on his iPhone 4. For the sake of stability in the ranks of Starfleet, I won't mention his name here in the Captain's Log.

But it does rhyme with Kichard Rillay.

Earth to Tactician: You can't see wind puffs or where Chaika, Fantasy Girl, Andiamo or where Thin Man is going on your iPhone. Send me to good places. I'll worry about angles and VMG.

After several well-executed jibes and a well-orchestrated take down, we rounded the leeward mark in third and finished upwind in the same position.

We headed back in to the club pretty quickly as the crew was hungry and I was tapped to be the sole arbitrator on a hearing regarding the collision between Saudades and Bouliner last week. While waiting for the parties to arrive, we talked about William Shatner's documentary "The Captains" and how there is going to be a screening on the USS Intrepid (the aircraft carrier, not the starship) this weekend. Having already watched it this past weekend on my father's Verizon FiOS television, I must say that I enjoyed the film, but am holding a little bit of a grudge that he didn't come interview me somewhere between Kate Mulgrew and Chris Pine.

Speaking of Chris Pine, I should invite the writers of Star Trek 2 (filming begins in January) to our next EBYRA protest hearing for some amazing science fiction story telling -- especially in people's perceptions of reality while existing in apparently very different alternate universes.

2011-07-21T07:27:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 11155.3
While we certainly weren't short on crew for last night's race, we were missing a few key people in key positions and had to do some shuffling around.

Lt. Jonathan took over control of the mainsail usually run by Lt. Kenny, who is spending this week and next in Hong Kong, most likely helping the Chinese decide which parts of America they should acquire.

Crewman Beth took over the pit, usually run by Crewman Emily, who would rather see U2 in concert than go sailing. Really? Had this been the late 80's I may have agreed, but things went downhill fast once they released Zooropa.

Commander Jory and Commander Richard took over the grinding from Crewman Alex, who used work as an excuse to not boldly go.

And, finally, Lt. Kurt filled in for Lt. Ellen handling release and operations. Still, Kurt refused to break into song at the very mention of any 70's lyric. I was waiting for someone to ask me how I was feeling after pulling a maneuver near the start, to which I would have replied, "First I was afraid. I was petrified. Kept think I could never live without you by my side."

As we prepped for the start in the 10-12 breeze, I watched with delight as Lt. Commander Mitch, Lt. Jonathan and Commander Richard bickered about the main shape, backstay, vang, halyard, draft and tell tales. In the end, our halyard was way low and the Enterprise had more Cunningham than a first season rerun of "Happy Days".

We had a very nice start, in fresh air, and in front of most of the fleet. A few tactical moves towards the right side of the course and we were holding our own against the others. Our first spinnaker set was fast and well orchestrated, despite the very short leg to set up. We lost some ground on the second windward leg, following Choucas, Forza and Upchucka to the right side again. The wind went light in a few spots, which pretty much sealed our fate. The second chute set, where the halyard started going upwards but with no chute attached to it, didn't make all that much difference in the grand scheme of things.

Still, I'm proud of the crew. They worked hard and were in places that they were out of their comfort zone. We have seven more races this season and our past performance has us pretty low in the rankings, but with some concentration and some hard work, we may be able to pull ourselves out of the cellar.

In the meantime, I want to remind the crew to stay cool and hydrated over the next few days while the east coast feels like it'll be 100 million miles closer to the sun.

2011-07-07T07:11:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 11151.5
With practically a full crew on board and favorable wind conditions, the Enterprise set out last night to do our best in battle against Klingons, Romulans and ever-corrupt PHRF ratings.

We got to the starting line and the breeze seemed pretty steady from the west, but with all predictions stating it was going to shift south, the race committee set a southerly course. And although there were brief moments of headers, the wind never really did shift -- so the best thing to do, by my calculations, was a jibe-set. We talked about it a bit on the upwind leg, but I could tell some of the crew were having difficulty with the whole everything-is-opposite concept.

Maybe I should have changed the name of the boat from the USS Enterprise to the ISS Enterprise and had Lt. Kurt sport a goatee for the night.

And if you got that joke, you're way more of a Trek geek than you think you are.

While not textbook, the crew did perform the jibe-set vey well, while the rest of our fleet did a bearaway-set going in the completely wrong direction. Our move gained us an incredible amount of ground and we rounded the second mark (and then the third) in first place.

And then came our dreaded Kobayashi Maru -- our Kryptonite -- our arch nemesis that makes me wonder, at times, why I purchased a 18,500-pound C&C 37+ six years ago -- the wind got very light. On the first downwind leg, we achieved over Warp 8. On the second, we were lucky to go over Warp 5. And that's when the other lighter boats, including the PHRF-Gifted "Upchucka" started catching up. Ugh.

We crossed the line in second, but corrected into fourth. Heartbreaking to be sure. Still, the crew did exceptionally well and should be very proud of their work doing some different types of maneuvers.

After downing a birthday cupcake (Happy Birthday, Crewman Beth!) we went back to the club for dinner. On the launch ride in, Captain Wendy Walasek of the USS Fantasy Girl (for sale, by the way) was asking people if they wanted to adopt a cat or two to lessen their load at home. My suggestion of donating them to Adam Savage and Jaime Hynemann at Mythbusters to test the myth of "do cats really have nine lives?" was not appreciated.

Next week's race marks the half-way point of the season. We really need to up our game in order to see some results. Either way, we'll have fun.

2011-06-30T07:07:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 11149.6
Last night began with all of the parkways and highways leading to City Island more clogged than the arteries of the cast of Mike & Molly. What would normally take a half hour to drive turned into an hour and fifteen minutes. Still, I was impressed with the crew able to make it to the Enterprise with time to spare. Well, not ALL the crew. Someone was late. Again.

I won't mention names, but we're thinking of all chipping in to get him an executive coach to work out his lateness issues.

Conditions last night could not have been more perfect. Great temperatures, low humidity and 15+ breeze coming out of the north. There weren't many of us in the division out that night, and we all expected Chaika to win again (their rating is a bigger joke than The Hangover, Hangover II and Bridesmaids lumped together.) We gave it 100% anyway, and had the Enterprise at the starting line, and at the favored end, at the gun. The only way the start could have been better is if we tacked 10 milliseconds earlier.

The Enterprise flew upwind at a steady Warp 6.5, set the chute around the windward mark, jibed and doused all within a few minutes (the first downwind leg was very short -- great course choice by Eben.) Our first jibe was interesting to say the least. As I remember it, this was the sequence of events:

Lt. Kenny jibed the main. Commander Richard then said "We need to jibe the main first."
Kenny said, "We did."
Five seconds later, while Captain Dave worked on the pole on the foredeck, Richard said again, "First we need to jibe the main!"
Kenny: "The main is over. It's been over."
Then, I think, he said it a third time.
Kenny looked to me as if, in addition to all that I do have command over on the Enterprise, crew dementia should somehow be on the list. I think Kenny was considering jibing the main back and then again just to make it clear it was over.

We gained some ground on Chaika on the second downwind leg, and maybe a little more on the final upwind leg, but it wasn't enough. For a bunch of old fogies, they sure can sail fast. It seems our only hope of beating them is if all those years of Richie Coar's chain smoking catches up with him and they can't get the iron lung on the rail for upwind legs.

We got back to the mooring for a sampling of beer, gatorade and Mesquite BBQ potato chips (the breakfast of champions.) Kurt told a story of someone once asking him why they flavor the chips with mesquite -- isn't that a type of wood? But after tasting the chip, they said "Wow, that's good wood."

And that's when I felt a Michael Scott-ism coming on. "That's what....."

2011-06-16T21:03:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 11147.7
Yesterday started with multiple weather reports full of predictions of scattered thunderstorms, flukey winds and miserable conditions for the evening. And then the emails started coming in:

"I'm on the road and can't make it tonight" (Sent by iPhone, no less)
"I have to test my company's web page tonight"
"I just saw my doctor and only have use of one lung"

As for the first two -- I'm so on to you. We all know with a good 3G signal or WiFi, one can easily type out an email on their iPhone while sitting in their comfy office to make it look like they're away -- and practically any phone sold today can test a company's website while sitting on the rail. Pre-feed the guy, click link, furl the jib, click link, ease the downhaul, click link.

As for the last, I'm more inclined to believe it. If he chooses to stay at home with the wife and kids rather than be sailing, he must REALLY be sick.

And he missed last week too. Oh my God.

When the rest of us reached the dock, there was hope. There was a good 10+ out of the south and we were still expecting our bare minimum of eight crew. And a quick check of the iPhone radar and it appeared that the major storm cells were going to pass to the south and west of us.

As we prepared to race, some of the crew were asking about the functionality of the Garmin GPS-Map $3000+ instrument I have at the helm. As I explained, and this is bad news for Garmin to be sure, all I need is a weather-proof iPad mount at the helm and a $600 iPad can do everything that the Garmin can, plus I can get up-to-date weather radar, buoy wind data, get email....

... "and surf internet porn," my father quickly added, then held up his iPhone 4 in his waterproof carry case. "I can do it all from here."

And then the rains came. Lots of rain. And the wind died too.

We were all soaked. That is, all except my father who spent the duration of the storm down below, fully dry, with his iPhone 4 -- checking GPS position, up-to-date weather radar, buoy wind data, his email....

...and, by our best guess, surfing internet porn.

In the end, there was no race. Not this week. Not last week. We can only hope the wind gods will bless Eastchester Bay for the rest of the season.

2011-06-09T06:41:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 11143.3
Last night began with our yacht club completely overrun by some celebratory party of New York City Firefighters. By my estimate, there had to be at least 250 of them - which brings up two interesting questions: Where were all these firemen when the club was burning down five years ago? -and- Who's left to put out any fires that spark up? There were barbecues, beer, bagpipes and big noise. Whatever they were celebrating (We got on our red truck! We put out a fire! Yay us!), it looked like they were doing it right.

On shore, it was in the high 90's, and New York City posted a heat advisory for the day, cautioning people to stay indoors, hydrate and check on the elderly (I checked -- Richard was fine.) But, on the water in Eastchester Bay, it was a good 15 degrees cooler, thanks to a nice 10-knot thermal that I feared was destined to die as soon as he sun went down.

The Enterprise was in great shape -- all sails repaired, rig tightened and a great compliment of crew, despite the absence of Crewman Alex, Crewman Beth, Lt. Jonathan, Lt. Zoraida and Lt. Commander Mitch. Filling in was Captain Chuck Schaeffer and his first officer Jon from the USS Resolute as well as Frank Murphy, Crewman Emily's "main squeeze".

We tried to get in good position for the start, but were fouled (legally) by the Klingon Vessel Glory Days (in Klingon: D'Q cH'ds) and were forced to go right to get away from the fleet.

But right turned out to be so very wrong. Our position was more disgustingly indecent than Andrew Weiner's hard drive.

We fought hard to gain some ground, and we did a little, but even with the few small spinnaker screw-ups (We're told it's all Kenny's fault,) there just wasn't enough wind and time to have any real results. At least our final downwind leg towards the committee boat at a wonderful Warp 7.4 provided us with a great sailing moment in a dreadful night of tactical mistakes.

Once back at the mooring, we had a healthy, well-balanced dinner of tortilla chips, salsa, peanut-butter-filled pretzels, beer and Diet Pepsi, followed by a glorious birthday cake for yours truly. All in all, a really great night.

2011-06-02T06:24:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 11141.9
With a tornado watch in place until 8:00pm last night for our area and one touching down in Massachusetts killing 4 people . . .
. . . we figured the smartest thing to do was go racing, of course. We had, pretty much, the full team of regulars on board with the exception of Lt. Kurt (work) and Lt. Zoraida (Florida) and all seemed eager to get into the adventure, with the exception of, maybe, Crewman Emily who we had trouble extraditing from the clubhouse bar.

Getting on board just a tad too late, I had little time to repair the upper batten issue that sent Crewman Beth up the mast the week before. Lesson learned: A rushed fix is no fix. And although the mast cars were not jamming like they were last week, the batten did do healthy olympic-like dive from 45 feet up into the cockpit, barely missing Lt. Ellen, who, thankfully, was not in her normal position.

Then came our start (8 seconds late, but still waaaaaay better than Division 3 who had boats crossing over a minute after the gun) followed by a very brief upwind leg. Why brief? Let me put it this way:

UK Sailmakers just called to apologize for not putting the repaired spinnaker in the shed for last night and offered a 10% discount on the repair bill. I thanked them, but told them we ended up not needing it last night, and if they check the UK shed this morning they'll see why. We never made it to the upwind mark.

Within a few hundred yards of the start, we had, to put in terms that we're used to, a complete warp core breech. The entire clew of the headsail ripped off, dropping our control lines to the deck. Thankfully the crew furled the headsail quickly -- because, as we all know, without containment, a warp core breech could cause an explosion that would destroy every ship and planet in the sector. We saved everyone in Eastchester Bay.

What was the cause? Here's what happened: As mentioned before, there was a tornado watch in effect for our area until 8:00pm. A very small, very localized, tornado touched down between the bow of the Enterprise and the companionway, and only on the port side of the ship. While everyone else on the racecourse was sailing in 18 knots of breeze, we experienced 150 knots of breeze (this micro tornado was an F5, by the way.) The Enterprise, unable to travel over Warp 40, could not handle the stress and that was what caused the headsail clew to break off.

So, officially, it was a tornado.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Oh well, we'll have everything repaired and good again for next week's race -- the day of which will be the very last day in which I can say I'm in my low 40's.

2011-05-26T06:38:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 11140.0
Last night, the Enterprise had a full compliment of crew on board along with special guests, the captain and first officer of the USS Resolute out of Starbase Atlantic City; Chuck and John Schaeffer. The Resolute, a C&C 34R, has similar rigging to that of the Enterprise, and, in an effort to increase their knowledge of spinnaker workings on their boat, they found the Captain's Log on the Internet and, despite that, decided to come out anyway. After all, we still rank #1 on Google for "Spinnaker Clusterfuck". Scary part is we're #2 and #3 too.

One crewperson did ask why they chose to keep their boat at Atlantic City, to which the captain responded that it was close to home. I think it's because it's just that much easier to place the boat on the Pass Line. Come on 7 or 11! Boy, if I lived near Atlantic City, we'd probably be on the Enterprise-F by now -- or back to sailing a Blue Jay (with a boat loan on it.)

As we powered out to the starting area, we swore-in new Crewmen Emily Glodek and Alex Depetris as official members of the Enterprise Crew. Basically, you get a geeky embroidered-logo shirt to sweat in. "I, state your name, do solemnly swear to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no one has gone before."

Our start wasn't horrible, but could have been better by the favored end of the line, which, by the way, was the committee boat named "Favored End". Even still, we had clear air and good speed, heading up the course at Warp 6.3. The weekend before I had spent some time, muscle and sweat tuning the rig -- and I think we saw a real difference.

We approached the sole windward mark very close to a fishing boat and just behind The Terrorist, who, thanks to an adjustment to his rudder over the winter gives us time -- thanks also to the ever-corrupt tinkerings of the YRA PHRF Board (as Todd Aven once pointed out, the P in PHRF doesn't stand for Performance -- It stands for Political.)

Our spinnaker set was fast! It was so fast that a part of the spinnaker couldn't keep up with the rest of it and we ended up flying with a 2-foot hole in the chute. For the first time in my racing career, I was praying that the wind did not increase. One good tear and Bam! -- Several thousand down the bilge.

The team did an amazing jibe, still on Choucas' tail, with no loss of speed whatsoever. As soon as the new guy was taught and the pole was in place, Dave turned to Captain Chuck and his son and said, "OK. Did you guys get all that?"

There was silence. Yeah, well, it took us a few seasons to get it right. So, don't sweat it.

Saving the best for last, we actually passed Choucas on the downwind leg, crossing the finish line first in our division. Unfortunately, we needed at least another minute's-worth of distance on Glory Days behind us, so we ended up correcting into second. All in all, a great race. Well done by the entire Enterprise team and our guests.

Finally, on our way back to the mooring, we were experiencing problems with one of the mast cars -- the main was stuck half way up the mast. Many thanks to Crewman Beth (a/k/a Spiderwoman) for sprinting up the mast and fixing the problem. I'll look at it all before next week's race.

Have a great Memorial Day weekend everyone -- I'm planning to get a little sailing in on the Runty Kid II, formerly known as the Enterprise-A.

2011-05-19T06:41:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 11138.1
Last night, the crew of the Starship Enterprise stepped aboard to begin our first mission of the 2011 season -- our first race of the EBYRA Wednesday Night Race Series. The radar wasn't looking too good, but what the hell -- why not start the season with some breeze and another evening where damp was the new dry.

Missing for the night was Lt. Zoraida (still in Florida), Lt. Kurt, and Commander Jory who chose to stay home because of the snwiffles. That's right -- Poor wittle Jowy was too sicky to come out and play with us.

I must admit that I did have my concerns with a first night of the season being in so much weather and wind - especially since the entire crew was rustier than a never-garaged 1978 Ford Pinto, but we did very well. In fact, I was proud of the efforts of everyone on board, even our two newbies: Crewman Alex and Crewman Emily. And even with the weather, it looked like everyone was having a great time.

That's not to say we didn't make some errors -- I didn't point well on the first leg, tacked a little too late on the windshift on the last leg and, this is one of those phrases that could only come from the sport of sailing, my father did a lousy job of blowing the guy during the jibe.

What's worse is that, right now, between reading the log and wiping his nose with tissues, Jory is thinking to himself that he's proud that, despite his less years of experience, he can blow a guy better than Richard.

We crossed the line in second place, correcting into third, but nonetheless, a great, great evening. I hope future races will have as much breeze, but perhaps a little less rain -- my foulies are still dripping in the back of the Jeep.

2011-05-08T08:52:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 11135.1
I'm proud to announce that the Enterprise was launched out of spacedock yesterday and has assumed standard orbit, ready for her to continue her mission boldly sailing through the final frontier.

Many, many thanks to Lt. Kurt, Lt. Kenny, Lt. Jonathan and Crewman Alex who were a tremendous help moving jackstands, loading sails and ensuring the Enterprise remained at peak condition during the launch.

The launch went smooth as ever and the impulse drive started right up. As we cruised to our mooring, I remarked that there was a time, back in January, after receiving our third hit of over 20 inches of snow, that I thought this day would never come. But the day has arrived and the Enterprise is better than ever.

Once at the mooring, I went to do a little work down below while the three veteran Enterprise crew gave Crewman Alex a bit of an orientation to the ship's systems, followed by a rigging of the main sail and then a 20-minute long (seemed longer) procedure in flaking (or is is Flaks-ing?) the mainsail onto the boom. Jonathan was quick to manage, even micro-manage, the steps and I figured it was only a matter of time before Kenny, Kurt, and perhaps Alex too, would revolt followed by a splash into the chilly Eastchester Bay. But, to be honest, listening to the good-natured bickering above while sweating down below, I was in heaven. The season is here. Finally!

Lastly, an honorable mention goes out to Crewman Emily who was determined to acclimate herself to the rigors and frustration of light air sailing by driving no faster than 3 knots on I-95 from Stamford to City Island. After a few hours, and only reaching Mamaroneck, she decided to turn around.

Members of the crew will be performing RC duty for this Wednesday's race. All crew are requested to attend a shakedown training cruise the Monday after with our first race just two days after.

2011-04-18T06:42:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 11129.6
It's a boy!!

Yesterday, the Enterprise gave (breeched apparently) birth to a healthy 40-something year-old foredeck officer. There was a bit of crying to be sure, but that quickly went away once he was given his bottle (of Guinness Draught Beer.)

After all, it was a full day of labor.

Yesterday was our annual work party, where a good portion of the crew came together to help get the Enterprise ready for the season ahead. Most of the day was spent painting the bottom and conditioning the interior wood of the boat, with a few smaller jobs thrown in (including the don't-blink-or-you'll-miss-him appearance of Lt. Jonathan Marine-Texing the stern cracks.)

The photo above is of Captain Dave trying to fish out the new Impulse Engine Ignition Circuit from the depths behind the engine controls. But, it's exactly how it ended up there that is the real puzzler.

The ignition was slightly bigger than the one it was replacing, so the socket had to be widened a bit using drill bits, files, etc. As I understand it, Jory kept testing the width of the socket, and, in a true moment of science fiction thinking, he believed that, somehow, if the ignition cylinder wouldn't fit in one side of the hole, it may just fit going from the inside.

Had Kurt been there, I'm sure he would have explained to Jory how the laws of physics and basic geometry apply in alternate universes as well.

So, when it didn't fit (much to his surprise no less,) Jory dropped it -- and so began the voyage into the depths.

Nevertheless, the new circuit was installed and tested fine. The hull is painted and the interior shines like never before. With only a few more cosmetic things to do, I think we'll be ready for launch in a couple of weeks.

2011-04-13T06:40:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 11128.2
It looks like there will be another Enterprise in NYC waters very soon.

Yesterday, several news sources announced that the Intrepid Sea-Air-Space Museum on the Hudson River will be the new home of the NASA space shuttle prototype - the Enterprise.

The Enterprise, Orbiter Vehicle Designation OV-101, was constructed in the mid 1970s without engines or a heat shield, never able to actually go into space. The Enterprise was instead used to test approach and landing systems for the entire space shuttle program.

The original name for the first shuttle was the Constitution, but a tremendous letter campaign by Star Trek fans put pressure on President Gerald Ford to rename her to the Enterprise. Ford, back in his Navy days, used to serve on a supply ship to the Aircraft Carrier USS Enterprise and he admitted that, he too, was "partial to the name" and overrode NASA's name choice.

Incidentally, the Star Trek starship was originally named the Yorktown after the World War II aircraft carrier, changing the name to Enterprise in a later draft of the pilot script.

In 1976, the Space Shuttle Enterprise was rolled out to the public for the first time in Palmdale, California to the theme of Star Trek with Gene Roddenberry and several of the cast members on hand:

At the time, Roddenberry was working on a project called "Phase II" to bring the series back to television - a project that instead led to the production of Star Trek: The Motion Picture, the first of eleven (soon to be twelve) feature films.

In 1985, the Space Shuttle Enterprise was put on display in the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum:

Interestingly enough, several yards away, the Smithsonian is also the home of the Starship Enterprise model used to film the television series, in an exhibit dedicated to mankind's endeavors to boldly go where no man has gone before:

New York beat out 20 other cities and institutions to obtain the Enterprise, and they expect, after fundraising the estimated $42,000,000 costs to transfer her here, that visitation to the Intrepid museum will increase substantially.

From one Enterprise to another: Welcome to the city so nice, they named it twice: New York, NY.

2011-04-04T13:09:00.001-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 11125.8
I'm happy to report that, after a little work still to be done prepping the bottom, some high-flying mast work and some interior/exterior cosmetics, the Enterprise is just about ready. All looks good for our end-of-April launch date -- waiting on confirmation from the yard.

In the past few weeks, we have ordered paint and supplies; repaired the failed port stanchion; replaced the main power systems with two new 75-pound AGM batteries; tightened the stuffing box; organized the tool section; replaced all flashlight batteries; verified all Coast Guard required equipment; and even ordered a new seat for the head for those who want a little more comfort the next time they leave a "biscotti" on board.

We also added, in an effort to make the Enterprise more technologically advanced, an iPad mounting system so that we can see real-time weather radar, GPS navigation data, race results on the web and email access.

OK - it's also a cool way to listen to iTunes music or watch downloaded movies down below on those dreaded light air days:

Imagine that. 2009's Star Trek movie loaded on my iPad. Who would have guessed?

EBYRA kicks off in a month with three of the Enterprise crew performing race committee duty for Race 01 on the USS Favored End, assuming she's also repaired after her shields-down impact with Mustang Sally and the engine starts. If all goes well, the Enterprise should be out there for Race 02 where we'll see how much the crew has retained in procedures and maneuvers.

Before we get going, I'll be reviewing some of the crew's positions to possibly make changes based on their talents. Stay tuned for that.

It's all so close, I can taste it! Can't wait until we're back out there, planning starts, jybing spinnakers, and yelling at my dad.

2011-03-31T12:26:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 11124.7
Despite the chilly air and the forecast for snow tomorrow (aaaaaarrrrrgh!!), my calendar still says it's Springtime -- and just a few short weeks from the launch of the Enterprise and the start of a great season of racing and boating here in New York.

Having spent some time on board during the warmer of the weekend days, we've already done some big upgrades and repairs. And, thanks to the annual Defender Warehouse Sale, paint and parts are now on the way -- all to keep us on schedule for launch.

On a side note; most of the crew (except, maybe, my father) don't know my sister Jan,who is a producer on Live! with Regis and Kelly, that daytime talk show featuring a man older than the planet itself and a woman who is skinny enough to replace the Cryptkeeper. The reason Jan is pretty much an unknown on the Enterprise because her idea of sailing usually involves sunbathing, a cocktail and a nap -- not exactly a recipe for going fast.

Anyway, Jan's been involved with something pretty major lately. On February 25th, Dean Karnazes, renowned ultra-marathon runner and one of Time Magazine's most influential people, began a cross-country run, starting in California. Think Forrest Gump without the Robert Zemeckis editing team.

For nearly 75 days, Dean will be running 40 to 50 miles daily, from CA to the Regis and Kelly studio in NY – expecting to finish in mid-May -- entirely Jan's project for the show.

The purpose of the run is to raise awareness of health and fitness in the U.S., particularly for children and he and the Live! with Regis and Kelly show have aligned with Action for Healthy Kids, the nation's leading, nonprofit and largest volunteer network fighting childhood obesity and undernourishment. This organization is focused on helping schools become healthier places and encourages kids to learn more about good health.

To learn more about the event, you can visit the Live! with Regis and Kelly website. And, if you feel the need to help out with a tax-deductable donation, please visit the donation site.

As you can imagine, this is a highlight in Jan's career (it's all downhill from here, Jan) and a great opportunity to do your part for this great cause.

2011-03-14T08:53:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 11120.0
This past weekend, as the temperatures finally went above 50, we decided to pay a visit to Starbase One and check up on the Enterprise's status after the Winter From Hell.

And although there is much work to be done on board before she can once again sail the final frontier, I can't even begin to describe how GREAT it felt to be back on board again. I'm not sure non-boat-owners will understand, but there was a definite "the Snowpocalypse is over, I survived, and I'm finally home again" feeling to it.

Unfortunately, my house batteries were deader than Charlie Sheen's acting career showing an abysmal 11.9 volts despite the solar panel's 0.1 amp of charging power going in. I'm not really all that surprised since I went cheap two years ago and they were showing signs of damage after the overcharging alternator issues of 2010. I'm hopeful I can resurrect the starting battery, showing a measly 12.2 volts.

How expensive are a good set of new house batteries? Let's just say I'm keeping notes of the security camera locations and which tellers look like they'll scare easily at my local bank.

That will also help with the ever-growing shopping cart at Defender.com stuffed with bottom paint, cleaners, marine tex, and various supplies needed to return the Enterprise to her flagship status.

So, even though the tax season looks like it could be very very good for me, I think I need to hold off a year or so before buying any new sails. Plus I may need to bank some dough to move -- but that's a whole other story. I won't go into details, but if you ever run into a guy named Rocky who lives in the apartment below mine, just punch him in the face, then shrug saying, "Captain's orders."

Work begins on the Enterprise next weekend, weather permitting. We launch in less than two months and I've already got the "fever" to go boldly.

2011-01-30T14:39:00.000-08:00

Captain’s Log: Stardate 11108.2
This particular log entry is being composed from seat 1F on a Continental 757-300 on its way to Newark Airport from Las Vegas traveling at, by my calculations, a bit above Warp 320. Now, before you say something like, “Damn, that’s fast,” I would correct you to say, “No, sailing is that slow.”

Vegas is an annual trip for me – a multi-day event surrounding my law firm network’s business meeting with a few dinners and shows mixed in for networking purposes. Of course, there’s ample time for gambling, sightseeing and people-watching. But, honestly, even with the snow slamming the Northeast and the stress of the meeting itself, Las Vegas is the only destination I look forward to going to, but also, after three or four days, look even more forward to leaving.

I’m not saying I’d rather go back to Chicago in January or anything, but home sounds really, really nice right about now.

Do I gamble? Sure. Clearly, anyone that puts his 69 year-old father on the main sheet in 20 knots of breeze is a gambler. So yeah, I play a little Texas Hold ‘Em, some Craps, and even Video Poker. Heck, I even threw $5 into a slot machine to waste time before seeing a show on Friday night. I know, I know. High-roller. But hey, I won $50 on that slot machine and over $100 playing various Video Poker consoles in the several casinos between Bellagio and the Encore.

The Friday night show, Anthony Cools, was fantastic and hilarious. Cools is, for lack of a better word, a perverted hypnotist who ultimately had seven or so willing audience members doing everything from forgetting their names to dry-humping the furniture on stage. Raunchy as all hell, and not really a future option for the group as a whole, but loads of fun nonetheless.

Last night was the so-called main event, but quickly became a very disappointing evening. We started with dinner at Rao’s in Caesars Palace with good food but abysmal service and capped it off with what I believe to be the worst – WORST – show in Vegas: CHER.

Now, Cher is billing this as her Farewell Tour, and all I can say is I really hope so. Now, I don’t want to piss off her large fan base to the point where I start getting flaming emails (emphasis on “flaming”), so I will say the old broad can still belt a tune and work it in the skimpiest of costumes. But . . .

She started it off with a cover of a U2 song and then two back-to-back Bob Seger tunes. Now we’re 25 minutes in and I’m thinking of paraphrasing Jeff Goldblum from Jurassic Park – “Now you do plan to have Cher songs… on your Cher show, right?”

But now you’re saying “25 minutes? Those songs are 3-4 minutes each.” Right. But you need to add time for costume changes and dance routines.

In fact, there were so many costume changes, Cher spent more time in the 90-minute show offstage than on. What happens when she’s offstage? Either a long, poorly-choreographed dance routine stealing moves from every Circque show on the strip or, and this was really annoying, curtain-projected video clips from Sonny & Cher bits, parts of her early 80’s solo career and a montage of film shorts from her movies – just in case nobody ever saw that scene from Moonstruck where she slaps Nick Cage and tells him to snap out of it.

Yes, there were a couple of highlights, such as her singing live to a recorded duet with Sonny Bono, and maybe that would have been totally cool had Natalie Cole not done that years ago. If I were Sonny and I knew my ex wife would be doing such a performance with my recording, I may have actually aimed for the tree. Just saying.

The show did end on a high note, doing a rocking, jolting extended version of “If I Could Turn Back Time” while wearing the same black sheer outfit she wore during the 80’s music video followed by an extended version of “Do You Believe in Life After Love” which honestly sounded more like “Do You Belee in Li A-ter Luh A-ter Luh A-ter Luh”

The curtain dropped and a woman near me asked if there’s an encore. I replied “Of what? She has no more songs.” She thought about it, agreed, shrugged and grabbed her coat.

Still, Cher aside, it was a great trip and a wildly successful informative meeting. I’m looking forward to being able to look forward to returning to Vegas.

2011-01-13T08:22:00.000-08:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 11103.3
Yesterday, I shoveled out my shuttlecraft from 9 inches of snow, all while the 22 inches that hit just a weeks before was still fresh in my mind. The local news stations called both storms "Snowpocalypse." To me, that's an understatement.

I hate snow and I hate cold weather. Sorry, Al Gore. This is global cooling. And it sucks. Maybe I should by some aerosol cans and start spraying towards the ozone layer.

And, to add insult to injury, last week, I took a trip to Chicago for business:

That's not pollution or haze around the Sears Tower and Chicago skyline. It's the physical manifestation of shattered hopes and dreams of the Chicago residents in finding an ounce of warmth before April. As I stepped from the plane onto the jetway at O'Hare, all I could say was "Oh my God!" I wanted to get back on the plane, but I think they were headed to Minneapolis.

If you've never been to Chicago in January, I highly recommend it. A real life changer. Especially if you don't want to see your testicles for a month or two.

Now, New York is better, but not by a whole lot. And, I'm starting to get grumpy about it - a real shift in attitude. The month of March better hurry the fuck up and get here or I may just lose it.

Even when I watch television, I can see my grumpy attitude come through.

Like: Why can't Mythbusters do a show on whether or not cats really have nine lives? Or, wouldn't it be better if Paula Abdul's new show "Live to Dance" was renamed and reformatted to "Dance to Live." Think about it - a dance floor with trap doors leading to a shark tank or lined with explosives. Gives new meaning to a couple getting eliminated. That, I'd watch.

Heck, I'd even TiVo it.

In the end, I'm not going anywhere. My career is here. My family is here. My life is here. But I would be lying if I said I don't have Realtor.com sending me updates on houses for sale in Southwest Florida.

Maybe I need another vacation. Maybe my trip to Vegas in a couple of weeks will calm me down. I guess we'll see.

Bottom line: I need warm air. And, I need to get back on the Enterprise.

And soon, before I snap.

2010-12-31T08:13:00.000-08:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 11099.9
As 2010 comes to a close, I thought it would be fun to post a joke that Steve (Zoraida's boyfriend) sent me a few days ago:

How many ears does Captain Kirk have?
The left ear, the right ear and the final front ear.

Happy New 'Ear everyone. May 2011 bring you joy, happiness, and 10-15 out of the South.

2010-11-24T10:52:00.000-08:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 11089.9
I just wanted to take a brief moment and wish the crew of the Enterprise and all of the readers out there of the Captain's Log a very happy Thanksgiving.

Keeping in mind that we're all turkeys in one way or another, please enjoy the following cartoons that were sent to me by one of the trial lawyers in my network:

Now, I'm not going to suggest that you stuff yourself this holiday, but if you do, we can always use a little more weight on the rail during heavy-wind days.

In the meantime, I'm heading off for a vacation to soak up some sun, swim in crystal blue waters, enjoy fine food and see some sights while on a cruise in the Caribbean. Maybe this time I'll try to convince them that a captain of a starship should outrank a captain of a cruise ship.

Have a great holiday! That's an order.

2010-10-28T07:28:00.001-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 11082.5
With the Enterprise now safely tucked away for the winter, thanks to the HUGE efforts of Lt. Ellen, Commander Richard, Commander Jory, Lt. Kenny and Ensign Kurt (and slightly by Lt. Jonathan, who was, you guessed it, LATE again,) I'm already thinking of the season ahead and what improvements can be made to the Enterprise while in spacedock.

Already on the list are:

I'm also planning to review and update the rope-clutch system, including better labeling to make the pit job that much easier. There is a company that makes luminous glow-in-the-dark labels by the name of Glowfast. In fact, recently, and for a limited time only, they have released a set that might fit well with our style:

In the meantime, I'll be winterizing the mooring and selecting trophies for EBYRA this weekend. Rumor has it, in Division 5, the award sizes will be reversed...

2010-10-11T06:58:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 11077.8
This past weekend, the Enterprise competed in the Port Washington Yacht Club Charity Cup Regatta benefitting the Family and Children's Association, an organization which protects, nurtures and shelters abused children. Very fitting, I should add, because for this race, the Enterprise was sheltering three abused crewpeople from Fantasy Girl: Stephan, Seagal and Robert.

"We're not allowed to talk and we can't eat," said Seagal, one of the three abused. "And the week before, they jybed while [her boyfriend] Stephan was on the boom and sent him into the Long Island Sound. They didn't stop either. Another boat picked him up."

As much as I explained that sailing on the Enterprise was vastly different, the three of them very nervously stepped on board and made careful mental notations of the locations of life vests, harnesses, throw ropes, radio, flares, and the other emergency equipment on board.

How different are things on the Enterprise? When beating to Can One, one of the crew asked if I saw the mark. I simply replied, "Yes, I see the mark. It's below me." Perhaps, on the other boat, the response would have been, "Yes, I see the mark. Blow me."

Now, I'm not saying that we're better than Baby Daddy Nanni or Dick Esposito, and maybe cursing, dumping crew overboard and stress is the way to consistent performance on the race course, but we had the Enterprise at Warp 7.9 without the spinnaker between Can One and Gong 29, all while eating lunch and making jokes. There was even a moment when Seagal took a nap on the deck in the bright sunshine.

And, get this, we WON. First Place. Nobody cursed at. Nobody overboard.

After the finish, we went ashore for the post-race festivities at PWYC, where there was a bountiful spread of food that would put any event on City Island to shame. Then again, there had to be a lot of food, because it took the Race Committee 38.5 hours to calculate the results.

Plus, they had to feed their protest chairman. I won't say he's a big guy, but he kinda makes Jabba the Hutt look like a supermodel.

Between meals, Lt. Jonathan pulled out and began puffing on a Vapor "cigarette", a battery-operated flavored smoking stick, supposedly a safe alternative to real cigarettes. When he coughed on the fake smoke and the low battery light came on, and then finally hid them away in his plastic NASCAR lunchbox, I suddenly realized why people in the U.K. call it a "fag".

I can't remember the last time I saw Lt. Ellen laugh so hard.

As so, the season is winding down to an end. The Enterprise hauls in less than two weeks and it's time to start thinking about work to be done over the winter as well as the 2011 season.

2010-10-04T12:23:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 11075.9
As the crew gets ready for our final race of the season, the PWYC Charity Cup on October 9, people all over the world are loading up their DVD and Blu-Ray players to see something amazing.

Some may say it's to view Andy Garcia's latest movie release, but we know better. You see, before this, the Starship Enterprise had appeared in eleven films -- twelve, if you include a brief moment where Buck Murdock, played by William Shatner, of course, looks out his periscope on the Moon Base in Airplane II (he served with Ted Stryker over Macho Grande - and no, I don't think he'll ever get over Macho Grande.)

But now, thanks to the movie "City Island," the Enterprise, our Enterprise, appears quite a few times, including in this scene towards the end credits.

And yes, that's the crew on board getting ready to go. Who knows? One of them may even be Luke.

The Enterprise appearances aside, it's actually a good movie. Check it out.

Lastly, please help the now-movie-star crew of the Enterprise in our donations for the Charity Cup by visiting our fundraising page to help. Anything you can do will go far to help those in real need.

2010-09-24T08:52:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 10173.2
You know I had to check it out. Shatner back on TV is just too good an opportunity to pass up -- It's been far too long without seeing James T. Kirk in a captain's chair or Denny Crane making eyes at Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg on Boston Legal. And, to be honest, there's only so much one can take of the Priceline Negotiator.

So, last night on CBS, right after Big Bang Theory, was the premiere of "$#'! My Dad Says" starring the Shat himself in the role of Dad, a grumpy divorced old man living alone and ultimately wanting to change his relationship with his son.

Despite some great one-liners, my favorite being "Son, if it looks like manure and smells like manure, it's either Wolf Blitzer or manure," there were some moments where you could actually see, now brace yourself, that Shatner can act. You actually end up feeling for the guy when the song came on the record player or when he failed his driving test - having that look in his eyes when he realizes that he's alone.

All in all, great stuff. And, to be honest, it's great to see the old guy "in command" again. May "$#'! My Dad Says" live long and prosper.

2010-09-23T07:11:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 11072.9
Last night was the 20th Race of the 19-Race Wednesday Night Race Series and I'm happy to report we did exceptionally well doing four tacks and consuming nacho chips as well as boxed wine.

On board were Lt. Ellen, Lt. June, myself and Captain Dave, along with his two sons, Danny and David, both of whom have been on the Enterprise more times than Crewman Luke this season.

We dropped the mooring at 1815 Hours and engaged the Warp Drive as soon as we cleared the mooring field, nicely accelerating to Warp 5 past French Fry Point during another picturesque Bronx sunset.

And, just to shake things up, we gave Lt. June the helm. Less boats to hit out there. Now, I won't say that June had trouble steering a direct course, but the Enterprise did more S's than a spelling bee competition finals on the word "Possessionlessnesses."

Yes, it's a real word. And yes, that's nine S's.

I must also add how great it was to have Dave's kids on board. Now, I could say it's because Ellen really enjoys playing with them, or that it gives the Enterprise a real family-fun feel to sailing. But, I think the best part is that there's no better way to empty the food cabinets so that nothing spoils over the winter season. They were even using one of the hatches as a "May I take your order" window. And I'm not kidding, either.

After an hour or so of sailing around, we headed back to the mooring and off the Enterprise just in time for the skies to open up and dump more rain/wind on to New York City.

Unfortunately, due to the downpour, we had to pass on the Fantasy Girl Season-End BBQ, where I hear that, in the absence of propane, they used all the hot air inside John Esposito and Vince Nanni to cook the food.

Still, a great night on the water and a perfect end to a great season of Wednesday Nights.

2010-09-16T07:23:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 11071.1
It's hard to believe, but another year of Wednesdays has come to an end. And, I'm proud to announce that, thanks to the efforts of the crew of the Enterprise, our Quest for Silver is complete and we will be taking home a silver dish, cup or other $30 piece of crap for the trophy case -- all thanks to that one one-thousandths of a point separating us from Glory Days.

The margin should have been greater, but I did all the calculations ahead of time and this would have been the worst-case scenario - a four-boat race with us in last and Glory Days in first. Our throw-out would change and we would have that slight margin of victory.

Why last? The best answer I could give is that it's time to forsake my religion and stay on the race course. That one-week break made us rustier than a 1998 Mercury Tracer in Seattle. And, just look what happens when I'm not around -- Mustang Sally rams into our committee boat and (could it be?) another Eagle bites the dust by running into Big Tom. Chaos. Utter chaos.

Our biggest f-up for the night was my start. I was so early at the line that I should have been starting with the division ahead of us. I should have looked for that wind gust (as I usually do) and went out a little further. But nooooooo. I was eager and wanted it too much. So, during one of the most beautiful sunsets in Eastchester Bay history, the Enterprise had one of its ugliest starts in history - barely missing the mark, jybing around, and starting on port tack a good 5,000 boat lengths behind the rest of the fleet.

We gained some ground -- some -- on the first leg and then set a perfect spinnaker at the windward mark, gaining some more ground. The next best thing to do, tactically, was to jybe. So we did.

Sort of. Eventually.

I heard a lot of yelling. Dave yelling ease the lazy sheet. My father yelling to put tension on the lazy sheet. Head down, Kurt! Grind, Kurt! The boom went over, and then back again. Somebody PLEASE hand me a phaser set on stun.

We did gain ground on the downwind leg, actually rounding the leeward mark ahead of two boats, but slow tacks in the dark and the realization that trying to go through a barge is not the fastest way to sail sealed our fate for the night.

But, then again, it all really didn't matter. The standings were cemented - it was just a matter of margins of victory.

Once back at the mooring, we dined on sushi, chips and boxed wine while Lt. June told us about how her Jeep was stolen on the street of New York - which I suppose can happen when you leave the keys in the ignition, the doors unlocked and a sign in the window saying "Free Car".

All in all, a great season. Well done by all. Hopefully, we'll have enough people to put together a campaign for the Fall Series. In the meantime, I'll start working on off-season events, our schedule for 2011 as well as contemplate my future with EBYRA.

2010-09-02T06:29:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 11067.1
After last night, I have a new take on the MasterCard commercials:

Pushing Glory Days over the line early at the start: Priceless
Pointing perfectly upwind at Warp 6: Priceless
Two chute-filled, zero-speed-loss jybes: Priceless
Avoiding the current and hitting Warp 7 downwind: Priceless
Passing the Terrorist and Upchucka, to cross the finish line first: PRICELESS

To say everything went well, would be an understatement. Without any seconds thoughts, it was, by far, our best race of the year. Even the parts where things could have been done better, I doubt there was any real loss of momentum.

And the tide/current data from Stevens Institute of Technology gave us all the information we needed to jybe out of the current and, to put it in official Starfleet terminology, kick some Klingon ass.

Missing from the mission, in what's quickly looking like a trend, were Lt. Zoraida, Lt. Commander Mitch, Lt. Kenny and Crewman Luke. It looks like, while considering field promotions this season, I may also have to consider field demotions. I'm just not sure whether to demote Luke to Assistant Bilge Pump Cleaner, Secondary Diesel Fuel Filter or Backup Winch Lubricant.

The "Quest for Silver" is very much alive. With one more race in our season to go (you would think that a group of people who spent 40 years to cross a desert would think of a way to organize a holiday so it wouldn't fall on a race night,) we must do well in a couple of weeks. As high as the bar was set last night, we can still do better. Engage!

2010-08-26T06:51:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 11065.2
With the season slowly winding down, our fight for a cheap silver dish continues. And now, with the news that Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, falls on a Wednesday Night in just two weeks, we now have to face the reality that, at best, we will get only one more throwout.

Or, I could forsake my religion and just go for it. What's that common question? Oh yeah, "WWJD?" In other words: What would Jim (Kirk) Do? Fuck - Kirk is Jewish. So is Spock. Dammit! Oh well. Say it with me now: Baruch Atah Adonai . . .

Besides, I need to stay in the Will.

As for last night's race, I need to slow down a bit at the start. We're approaching the line a few seconds too early on a regular basis now and although we were first over the line, we didn't have that much of a lead over Glory Days and Upchucka that we could tack when needed. Our tacks were fast and close to perfection, thanks to the expert work of Lt. Kenny on the Main, Lt. Ellen on release, Commander Jory on tail and yes, wait for it, wait for it, here it comes, Crewman Luke on grind. I must admit, seeing Luke on the launch last night was like seeing Spock on Planet Genesis. You were used to him being gone, the odds of seeing him again were slim, but you're kinda glad he's back.

That is, if he's really back. The law of averages suggests his next time on board will be mid-season 2014. I'll feel better if he comes next week.

While we ended up taking a third for the evening, missing second by 56 corrected seconds, I must say I was very, very impressed with the crew's abilities, especially in spinnaker handling and maneuvers. Almost gone are the days when we had to instruct each person on what to do next. Now, communication and planning is being orchestrated by everyone involved. I suppose that's a good thing.

Except when something goes wrong now, I'll be the only one to blame. Hmmmm.

The cumulative scoring (I did our division last night - the benefits of volunteering to do scoring) still shows us in third place, but Glory Days is hot on our tail. Hopefully Steve Schwartz is Jewish too. We must do well in our last two races (next week and in three weeks.)

2010-08-19T08:00:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 11063.3
Last night's race was one for the books, all right. In fact, there's not much I'd say that we could do better. And our second place just behind "Upchucka" (new name, just thought of it - watch, it'll catch on) was just what we needed. We were a tad light on crew, with some pulling double-duty, but in the end, it all worked - and it all worked exceptionally well.

Our biggest moment was a quick, expertly-executed tack after the start and going to the right side of the course. Now, I could say that after 35+ years of racing experience, I saw the wind patterns on the water, the breaking cloud cover and the way the current was ever-so-slightly moving, and that's what drove the decision to go right.

Or, we were just really really lucky.

We were really just looking to get away from Upchucka. And, boy, did we get away from them! As we made our way towards Stepping Stones Lighthouse, we were being headed by a fraction of a degree at a time. But, as we continued, we noticed it more, and more, until we tacked in a wind channel. A few more shifts and, oh yes, we're on the f-in layline, crossing ahead of boats that started five minutes ahead.

All we had to do now was execute a well-planned jibe set and we were golden. Sure the wind was light, but there was enough distance that, as long as "clusterfuck" stayed out of our vocabulary, we'd do just fine. And we did, shorthanded no less.

Richard who? Mitch who? Zoraida who? June? Luke? Hellllloooooo, Luke?

And it was in the last two miles on the way towards the finish line, when we experienced what I would call PERFECT sailing. Picture it, if you will, chute up, close reach, 15-degree heel, and the speedo reading Warp 6, Warp 6.5, Warp 6.9, Warp 7.1, Warp 7.5, Warp 7.7 ...

And all with this in the background:

Ladies and Gentlemen, THAT is the final frontier. And, make no mistake, we were going boldly.

After the finish, several of the crew joined me at Stuvesant YC for our protest hearing about our close encounter with Forza the week before. At the time of this entry (1130 Hours,) I have still not heard of a decision. We left while the hearing officers were still locked in deliberation.

I will say this, though: I am a fan of science fiction -- perhaps you may have guessed this based on the name of my boat. But, wow, I have never, never heard such dribble and blatant fabrications as I have at that hearing (and that's saying a lot, having heard Charles Norris' of Tango's testimony once.) Interpretation of the rules aside, I think both Forza and Upchucka mistook the Racing Rules definition of the Zone for the Twilight Zone, where one boat length equals 100-150 feet or a 34-foot boat with a novice crew can hoist their jib, trim it, drop their chute, put away their pole and sit on the deck in under 11 seconds. And, oh yeah, how, on Upchucka, apparent wind is over 90 degrees away from true wind.

After a while, I was expecting the next bits of testimony from their lips to be that Santa Claus is real, the Titanic never sank, we can trust Bernie Madoff with our money and that William Shatner is an excellent film director.

Very disappointed to say the least. But, hopefully the hearing officers will make sense of it all and render a fair judgment. We shall see.

2010-08-12T06:53:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 11061.4
I just don't know where to begin. Between our start, tactical choices, sail trim and maneuvers, we had the Enterprise in her groove last night and, to use a common Starfleet term, kicked some Klingon ass. And, we did it all with several "key" people missing.

Lt. Zoraida was off doing who-knows-what, Lt. Kenny was on a flight somewhere between Chicago and New York, and Lt. Commander Mitch sent an email earlier that he was still at the office. He owns a printing company. As I look around my office, I see a MacBook Pro, a three-monitor Windows 7 workstation, a duplex printer, a CD duplicator and printer, a color laser printer, a folding machine, and a networked copy machine which prints, scans, hole punches and staples -- I ask myself, "Who still uses printing companies?"

And don't get me started on Crewman Luke. C'mon Luke. The spot is still yours. Take it!

Manning the spinnaker trim was Commander Richard, who beamed aboard with thick gauze on his chin with white electrical tape strapped around his head to hold it in place. Richard stated that he cut his chin shaving and since he's on Plavix and blood thinners, the cut was taking a long time to close.

Personally, if I had to go out in public looking like that, I might just opt to bleed out instead.

But it looked strangely familiar. And, in the shuttlecraft on my way home last night, I searched the memory banks and figured out who my father looked like. It was from that show "Crank Yankers" on Comedy Central:

OK. To be totally fair, he wasn't wearing the helmet.

We finished the race in third, but I predict we'll move into second after our protest hearing next week. I won't go into details so as not to corrupt any possible hearing officers that read the log, but, had we not acted quickly, Starboard-tacked Starship would have slammed into Port-tack Forza.

No matter what though, it was great to put some hurt on Glory Days (4 minutes back) and the Terrorist (probably still has not finished.)

There's only five scheduled races left. And even though our division is small, the "Quest for Silver" is still sweet.

2010-08-05T09:33:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 11059.5
First and foremost, I must apologize for the delay in producing this log entry. Normally, such a delay would be due to a loss of both main power and auxiliary power on the Enterprise during an encounter with a hostile race. You know, shields down, life support failing, amazed we survived by shooting a death ray out of the main deflector dish or creating a whole new technology called a Prefix code, blah, blah, blah.

But no. It was, instead, work. Lots of work surrounding a big event. And although some may say work is the greatest threat to sailing on the Enterprise, work does pay the bills and without work, there would be no Enterprise.

Well, OK. There would always be an Enterprise. But, thanks to work, there's an Enterprise in Western Long Island Sound and not 1:100 to scale in some dirty bathtub in Yonkers swirling near the drain.

Event now over, and a big success as well, it's now to time to return to active duty:

I had a great feeling about last Wednesday's race. Now, some may say it was because my crew are getting into a groove, the summertime thermal came in with a nice 10-knot+ breeze, or that we were fully armed with data regarding currents and anticipated shifts.

Or it could be that I knew the crew of Chaika was off cruising for the week. I'll never tell.

The feeling, I must admit, subsided, when our start was called over early by the race committee. You would think, as the Commodore who pays all the bills, I'd get a little consideration, but apparently not. Even still, we dropped back below the line, restarted, and made our way upwind in hopes to pass the fleet.

And, after a textbook spinn set, a couple of jibes and a very unpretty take-down that was still better than the others, we were in the lead for the second upwind leg.

And, like the absolute experts that they are, the crew worked hard during some unusual course changes, and we kept the lead - even on corrected time! A great victory to be sure.

2010-07-29T06:33:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 10157.5
Last evening started with the swearing-in ceremony of Crewman Beth and the presentation of her new crew uniform. And, even though Captain Dave vouched for Beth's commitment and performance, he was clearly against her receiving the crew shirt -- something about how he wanted to be sure she kept coming.

I think he was referring to the - once again - absence of Crewman Luke who has, so far, only been on board once since the start of the season. We were told the excuse, this time, was due to his company being referred to as crooks by stealing people's money in some cover story in a Bloomberg business magazine and Luke was being held back to assist in "damage control." Just wait until they hear about the stolen crew shirt.

Our start was, to put it mildly, awesome, even after we notified the race committee on Favored End that they jumped forward in time by one minute for the start ahead of us. We were first over the line and had a good lead on the fleet heading upwind. The conditions were very favorable for us at 10-15 knots of breeze and the Enterprise was in her groove the entire night. Upwind at Warp 6.8, downwind at Warp 8.8. Yeeeeeeeeehaaaaa!

Either right on our tail, just a few feet ahead or just off our side, for the entire night was Chaika. And, with all that we were doing right, we all now deeply understood why her owner placed himself on the YRA's PHRF Board. Now, I'm not saying PHRF at the YRA is corrupt or anything, but I've seen more integrity at a Ferengi Trade Convention.

Coming in second was great and all, but even Dave got so frustrated and angry that he tried to put a dent my spinnaker pole. With his nose. Twice.

Even Lt. Kurt thought the boat would sail better with a little less weight and tossed one of my winch handles overboard.

Everyone did exceptionally well. If every race was like this one, I'd be very pleased. The only real problems I see at this point are people focusing more on what others are doing and not their own jobs (or sightseeing) and the multiple orders flying from multiple mouths all over the place.

So, again, while opinions are always welcome, even sought after, we need to establish that unless it comes from me, Dave, or the person you are directly assisting (i.e. grinding for the spinnaker trimmer), it does not exist.

You know, like a fair PHRF rating.

2010-07-22T16:11:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Supplemental
There seems to be a lot of hype lately about an incident not too long ago where a couple on board the sailboat Intrepid (Not the Starship Intrepid) were out cruising watching a whale jump in nearby waters. Then, suddenly, the whale jumped just a few feet from the vessel, crashing into it and doing quite a bit of damage.

Similar circumstances occurred a few years back on the Enterprise, but did not make the news. Quite possibly because it is the Starship Enterprise, and because she is properly armed with forward, starboard, port and aft phaser banks. Here's images from a nearby photographer:

2010-07-22T06:42:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 11055.6
On our way out to the Enterprise yesterday, the radar showed several large red and yellow masses over northern New Jersey, but they looked to be heading either south of us towards Long Island or north of us to White Plains and the Connecticut shoreline. People seemed genuinely concerned about the tornado warning for Bridgeport, but, seriously, have you seen Bridgeport lately? It could use a fresh start.

Once aboard the Enterprise, we began setting up, including turning on the wind instruments to monitor wind speed. According to the SailFlow App on my iPhone, Kings Point was seeing a steady 14-16 knots of breeze. Perfect!

And, when we turned it on, we saw 14-15. Then, within a few minutes, we saw 10-12, then 8-10. "Quick!" Captain Dave exclaimed. "Turn off the instrument!"

We powered out to the starting area fully loaded with crew, except for the dynamic duo of Lt. Kenny and Crewman Luke, who, in their infinite wisdom, thought the fastest way to from Manhattan to the Bronx was through Queens. And, at 1830 Hours, the departure time for the Enterprise, guess where they were? Yes, still in Queens.

I hear next week they're going to try a new shortcut, going through Queens, Nassau, part of Suffolk, getting on the Port Jefferson Ferry, going across the Sound to Bridgeport (assuming there still is a Bridgeport) and then down I-95.

As a big nasty storm cell moved across way to the north of us, we experienced a 100-degree windshift and a nice surge of breeze. It kicked up to the mid-20s and the Enterprise was screaming along at Warp 7.4 on the main alone. I think we heard 8 boats drop out of the night's racing, including Chaika. Wusses.

We had a failure of a shackle on the main halyard, but it was a quick fix and we still got out to the starting area with 7 minutes to go.

The winds kept shifting with the cell's movement, as predicted, and, thanks to the quick response time of Lt. Ellen and the jib team for our last-second tack to port at the starting line, we put tons of distance between us and the competition. We had 10 boat lengths on the Terrorist and Forza looked like it was in another time zone.

The windward mark quickly became a fetch, then a reach and then a downwind run. We rounded well in first, with a bunch of J/24s from another race series using the same mark.

There was one point when we were approaching a J/24 on starboard tack, who clearly had rights on us, but I did, for a moment, consider making it a couple of J/12s. Or, from our trajectory, a J/8 and a J/16.

The winds continued to shift, build and decrease, and the Enterprise crew did all they could to take advantage of every one. But, as we were making our way down the downwind leg, which was now an upwind leg, we heard three horn blasts and a radio call from P.R.O. Eben Hansmire that the evening's races were cancelled because the winds were getting too squirrelly (and yes, I had to look up how to spell "squirrelly" for the Captain's Log.)

I called the committee right away and exclaimed how well we were doing. They responded almost immediately, "We saw that Enterprise. Sorry."

Oh well. It was a great night nonetheless. Even now, Thursday morning, at 10:17am, I'm still reliving the moments and am all smiles.

And, I figure Kenny and Luke should just now be arriving on the boat.

2010-07-15T07:28:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 10153.7
The evening started last night with Crewman Beth, basically the new ABBy, reminding me that she has not yet received her crew uniform.

"Don't do it," Ellen remarked. "Once you give her a shirt, she'll stop showing up."

What do you mean? Last guy I gave a shirt to was Luke and he.... Oh. I see your point.

But, with Captain Dave's endorsement of her dependability, I think I'll take the risk. Plus it's always fun to swear someone in - I, state your name, do solemnly swear to explore strange new worlds, seek out new life, and so on.

What can I say about last night's race other than five knots of breeze equals a real Kobayashi Maru situation for us? We were with the fleet, but we were looking at more sterns than bows. We had all the data imaginable about currents, but our strategy looked like crap when all of the best boats in Division 6 did something completely opposite. Left instead of right, right instead of left. It's all just so confusing.

And, I won't even begin to mention how awkward I felt running a race without my big unit out. Oh well, this is why we have throwouts.

The big plus is that we are getting better - by leaps and bounds. We start great, tack great, set great and now even jibe great, thanks to enhanced communication and some partially obscene finger gestures.

I think the key remains to be talking about wind, waves and procedures. Even when we're back at the Morris tent having dinner.

But how do I stop downwind comparisons of Chuck Norris movies and dinnertime Lt. Kurt-researched statistics on website porn data? Especially when, just a few feet away, the crew of the USS Fantasy Girl were talking about spinnaker pole position and tactics?

Maybe, just maybe, if we concentrate on speed and things like clearing the main from the backstay after tacks and jibes, instead of what hours of the day Lee Marvin surfed porn sites while filming Delta Force, we could do better.

Meanwhile, I heard Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. We now call those animals giraffes.

2010-07-08T06:53:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 10151.8
"Is everyone here?"
A brief pause from down below. "Yes. We have everyone. Let's go."
Then I think, but I'm not sure, I heard someone say, "Hurry."

A few moments later, at the dock of the Morris Yacht and Beach Club (a/k/a Starbase One,) Lt. Jonathan Flaks, complete with goatee so that he shall now be referred to a MUFF (Mirror Universe Frodo Flaks,) stepped on board the shuttle launch and asked the driver to be taken to the Enterprise. It was then that the driver pointed to our warp trail and said "Enterprise? The Enterprise left already."

We did consider turning around, but the USS Fantasy Girl was short on crew and we had a full compliment on board last night. Since Fantasy Girl wasn't in our division, I gave MUFF permission to help their crew - and I gave Captain Wendy Walasek permission to use and abuse MUFF to no end. I think I said if he doesn't come back bruised, I don't want him back at all. But, come to think of it, two hours on a 33-foot boat with Vince Nanni may scar him emotionally for enough time to put a psychoanalyst's kid through college. Ivy League, too.

But on to our race. The breeze started out around 12 - more than enough to get the Starship flying at good warp speeds. And fly we did. With a great start at the favored end, we stayed left to take advantage of currents and lifts, putting a great distance between us and Chaika, Forza and Glory Days. The only boat with us, slightly ahead was the Terrorist's Choucas.

But then I goofed, tacking right to look for breeze and a good layline approach to the first windward mark deep in the bowels of Little Neck Bay. The other boats continued left, found nice lifts and closed the gap.

But I wasn't worried. With our new strategy downwind, we'll make up loads. As long as the wind holds.

As long as the wind holds.

As long as the wind holds.

What went wrong the most? From the latest edition of the Merriam-Webster dictionary (23rd Century Edition):

frus-trate
Pronunciation: \ˈfrəs-ˌtrāt\
Function: transitive verb
Inflected Form(s): frus·trat·ed; frus·trat·ing
Etymology: Middle English, from Latin frustratus, past participle of frustrare to deceive, frustrate, from frustra in error, in vain
Date: 15th century
1 a : to balk or defeat in an endeavor, b : to induce feelings of discouragement in
2 a (1) : to make ineffectual : bring to nothing (2) : impede, obstruct b : to make invalid or of no effect
3 a : to move 11,000 pounds of starship in three knots of breeze.

And the worst part was we did some amazing things out there - multiple jibes and fast tacks (now that Commander Jory and Crewman Luke were back in position) - and never once did anyone say "burp". The wind gods were against us is all. It happens.

Finally, I'm happy to report the placement of Crewman Beth on board as the replacement "ABBy". According to Captain Dave, she did very well up there and should be a good addition to the crew. I have a feeling Yeoman Kelly will not be coming back anytime soon.

2010-07-06T07:18:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 11051.2
This past holiday weekend, as part of the celebration of the birth of this great country of ours, Lt. Zoraida and her boyfriend Steve joined Ellen and I on a short vacation cruise to the Harbor House Marina in Stamford and Sagamore Yacht Club in Oyster Bay.

I'm proud to report that the ship performed above and beyond expectations - it was especially nice hooking up to shore power and engaging the on-board refrigerator and automatic battery-charging systems. Accommodations were comfortable, the sailing was invigorating, the engine ran smoothly and the restaurants we chose offered delicious menu choices (if I could eat the bones from the ribs at Canterbury's Ale House and Grill's Barbecue Sampler, I would have.)

And, as I sat in a lounge chair during the sunset in Oyster Bay waiting for the fireworks to start, I began to wonder what it would be like to transition to a life of cruising rather than racing.

Don't worry, I'm not there yet - racing is still in my blood and I'll be back to screaming "Hike the fuck out, you fucking fuckity fuckers!!" in no time at all. Maybe even this Wednesday.

During the trip, Steve asked many questions about boats (which I was all too happy to answer) as he is considering the possibility of buying a small over-nighter sailboat in the future for him and Zoraida to use and cruise on. This, naturally, led to the discussion of boat names, having seen Mark Lasser's "New Freedom" on the way out (which Ellen believes would be a better name for a feminine product than a Catalina sloop,) as well as the sightings and stories behind boat names like the "Enterprise", "Millennium Falcon", "Runty Kid", "Alimony Payments" and, of course the semi-famous "Fujimo".

Still, Steve was considering somehow using Zoraida's name as part of the name of the new vessel. But, before you get all warm and fuzzy thinking about love and affection, here's just a few questions that could come up when you name a boat after your wife or girlfriend (using "Zoraida" as an example):

"How many men can Zoraida take?"
"How wide is Zoraida?"
"Can you sleep on Zoraida?"
"Is Zoraida fast?"
"Can Zoraida handle a good blow?"
"How far can Zoraida go?"
"Is Zoraida hard to control?"
"Is it difficult to get Zoraida out of a slip?"
"Is Zoraida overheating?"
"Will you loan Zoraida to a friend?"
and, my favorite,
"Will you put Zoraida on the hard this winter or keep her wet?"

Not exactly warm and fuzzy.

2010-07-01T06:48:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 11049.9
Here's why I'll never be a motivational speaker:

"Get that sail in! Crank harder! Man up, Kurt! Do not stop. Do not slow down. Keep going. You're only purpose in life right now is to crank that sail in. You stopped. I said don't stop. Faster, Kurt, faster! You're slowing down again. Don't do that. No, you can't have a heart attack. No, I don't have a defibrillator on board. Fine - have the heart attack after you get the sail in."

Poor Kurt. His right arm hasn't had this much abuse since he's been single. But, it was all necessary. We had great breeze last night and this was our opportunity to have the Enterprise shine in the conditions she was designed for.

And shine we did. After a perfect spinnaker set, we accelerated to Warp 8!

And, in the first highlight of the evening, we passed Chaika. Then, our Foredeck Captain Dave noticed that we were going faster than the waves. Excellent - now we have to work on going so fast on the Enterprise that we move through time itself.

Because, time seems to be our biggest problem. People need time to ignore their jobs and point fingers to other people's jobs. People need time to put big knots in spinnaker sheets before running them. Commander Jory needs time to catch a bus. People need time to come up with partially-obscene finger gestures to signal foredeck procedures (warning to crew: If Dave, Zoraida or Ellen give you the thumbs-up, it's not what you think.) We needed 2 minutes and 20 seconds of corrected time to beat Chaika. We needed 39 seconds of corrected time to beat Glory Days. Oh yeah, and Kurt needs oodles of time to crank the sail in.

And I need to find time to pour ten tablets of TUMS, along with 50 milligrams of Prevacid followed by a Pepto Bismol chaser down Lt. Jonathan's throat if he says "burp" just one more time before a tack. EVER. (Seriously - Seven hours of North U. Sailing Seminar and this is what he retains the most?)

Still, the race was fun and it was definitely a blast crossing the finish line in front of Chaika. I'll be in touch with the crew regarding more serious matters, including procedures, but we should look at this as a victory on many levels.

And finally, to Crewman Luke, our assigned grinder who has yet to show up even once this season, after Kurt did a lot of whispering to others in the cockpit last night after the race, it might be wise to have someone else start your car for a while. Just a suggestion.

2010-06-24T06:29:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 11047.9
Just letting everyone know -- it's already started. Last night, as I fastened the new rail cushions on the starboard side of the Enterprise, Captain Toby Moors of the USS Indecent Proposal (Is Starfleet running out of names?) asked "Are you going soft on your crew, Edd?"

Soft? Maybe. But, we'll try it for a while and see how it works out. Besides, if it gets Lt. Commander Mitch to concentrate more on wind shifts and currents than how his delicate tushy hurts when hiking out, it may be to our benefit.

But, make no mistake, as soon as another captain calls us the Starship Vaginaprise, those suckers are going in the drink.

As for the race, it was just us and the Klingon Battlecruiser Glory Days. My guess is that Chaika, the Terrorist, Forza and Star just were too scared to face us and our Rail Cushions of Doom. Our start wasn't spectacular -- we were on the line all right, just there 30 seconds early and had to run the length of the line to the pin. Unfortunately, the committee boat was so favored last night that us naming her "Favored End" wasn't funny any longer.

We rounded the windward mark after Glory Days, but our spinnaker set went much quicker, giving us an easy pass within a few feet of the mark. But, they weren't that far behind - and we give them oodles of time. It wasn't looking good.

In most good science fiction movies, when in battle and things are looking like it's over for our heroes, there's this surprise moment when another ship comes out of nowhere and helps save the day. The Enterprise did it in the 2009 Star Trek Movie and the Millennium Falcon did it in 1977's Star Wars. So, as things were looking bleak for us on the downwind leg, all of a sudden, out of nowhere . . .

ALVIENTO!

. . . Chugging along on their upwind leg and headed straight for Glory Days, Captain Tony Sklarew yelled out as strongly as a photon torpedo blast, "Leeward!"

There was a short pause and then a response from Glory Days: "Starboard!"

Tony was ready. "Starboard AND leeward!"

Glory Days tried to make evasive maneuvers, but could not avoid the mighty Alviento. Now, I'm not so sure it was very sportsmanship-like of us, but we did let out a cheer - and a protest flag.

We followed the currents and puffs as the wind lightened, gaining distance on our follower. Our jibe and take down went very well and we were even approaching boats that started five minutes ahead of us.

We crossed the finish line over two minutes ahead of Glory Days, who radioed us on subspace frequencies that they did one penalty turn on their upwind leg. I reminded the Klingon captain that it was supposed to be two turns, as per the rules - not mentioning that the turns are also to be taken as soon as possible after the incident (the key word there being "possible", not "convenient".)

A pause again. Then: "Well, we tried."

While my calculations show that we would have beaten them on time anyway, Glory Days withdrew from the race, giving the Enterprise her first victory of the season and making me very happy. Maybe I'll go a little soft on the crew.

Nah.

2010-06-21T07:18:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 11047.1
For Father's Day weekend, we headed down to the Jersey Shore House in Sea Bright, NJ (home of the Montauk Worlds Regatta) for a little sailing on the Runty Kid II (formerly known as the Enterprise-A,) some time with family and some great seafood dining.

Among the other highlights of the trip, was Commander Richard's continued fascination with river crab fishing - with his very own crab pot box which he baits and pulls on a regular basis.

With a video coming soon from my MacBook Pro's iMovie straight to YouTube (editing now,) you can picture in your mind all of the action and drama, perfectly narrated by Discovery Channel's Mike Rowe, of course:

"In the Bering Sea, 90 miles Northeast of Dutch Harbor, Captain Sig Hansen and the crew of the Northwestern, battle 50 mile per hour winds, 20 foot waves and deadly ice as they grab their remaining pots in hopes that they'll be loaded with King Crab. The crew is running out of cod fish bait and have been working for 30 hours straight, with no break in sight.

"2,900 miles away, on the Shrewsbury River in Sea Bright, New Jersey, Commander Richard Schillay heads out to the dock to check his pot one more time before going to bed. The sun has set and the temperatures have gone from a warm 80 degrees to a tepid 75. He too is running out of bait, with the beach house freezer running dangerously low of chopped meat and turkey burgers.

"Standing by, ready to assist, are greenhorns Luke and Caden, ages 6 and 2, still unsure if they want to follow grandpa's footsteps in a crabfishing career or to finish the next Pokemon level on the Nintendo DS.

"It's the moment of truth. The pot hits the deck and Richard can go home satisfied with another hefty haul of two Blueclaw crab, well on his way to meeting his quota of ten, just enough to make a good-tasting appetizer. Here's the Coors Light Crab Count:

Happy Father's Day, Dad.

2010-06-17T06:37:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 11046.0
Once again, with great pleasure, we backed the Enterprise out of Consolidated Yards in hopes to NEVER return again. The impulse power (diesel engine) was purring like a kitten and all systems were performing perfectly well.

Just a few moments earlier, the crew presented me with a gift for themselves for my birthday (Yes, you read that correctly.) Apparently, they have been complaining that their delicate buttocks have been getting sore and bruised sitting on the rail for upwind legs and they all chipped in to buy rail cushions.

Funny, I don't remember seeing a whole lot of cushioning on the deck of Time Bandit, Wizard, Northwestern or the Cornelia Marie during The Deadliest Catch.

But, OK. I'll forget that a little suffering is good for the soul and I'll hope this change doesn't label me as a "softie" among other boat captains. But that's it. We're not going to transform the Enterprise into something that resembles an airbag. And no, we're not going to wrap the spinnaker pole in Nerf foam.

Missing from last night's mission was Lt. Kurt who was at his son's birthday party (Who has a kid's birthday party on a Wednesday??), Crewman Luke who I guess decided that he no longer needed to show up once he got a crew shirt, and Lt. Ellen, stuck at home suffering from so much nose and chest congestion that Kleenex stock has tripled and my home was starting to resemble the hotel scene from Ghostbusters.

As for the race, we had a great start, a good half boat length ahead of Chaika. But, we had some troubles finding our groove for the first half of the first upwind leg. Still, we rounded the first mark in second place and set the chute perfectly putting a great distance between us and the Klingon Battlecruiser Glory Days.

But that lead shortened a great deal when we had a take down that, well, didn't exactly come down. Like a man without enough money in a whorehouse, something didn't get blown.

Our position remained solid for the next upwind and downwind legs, with a textbook jibe, and we crossed the line in second place, correcting into third.

A great night to be sure, but we're seeing too many mistakes on the race course. The team needs to learn their positions as well as others, and, most importantly, pay attention to what they're doing - not so much on what everyone else is doing.

We'll get there. I'll probably be 74 by then, but we'll get there.

But, at least the rails will be cushioned.

2010-06-10T07:54:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 11044.1
Last night, diners at City Island harbor view restaurants and drivers on the Bronx-bound side of the Throgs Neck Bridge were both thinking exactly the same thing:

Who the hell are those idiots out sailing in this weather?

That would be us. Us and 16 other boats who braved the storms and reminisced about those days when damp was the new dry. Last night, drenched was the new dry. How wet? My 5 X 8 bathroom now looks like a used foul weather gear showroom. My socks, 12 hours later, are still stuck to the wall.

Every tack dumped so much water out of the sails onto the cockpit crew that it was all starting to look like outtakes from opie crab season on The Deadliest Catch.

But, we did incredibly well, despite the weather and despite being short-staffed. Kenny was on a flight somewhere over the US, Mitch had family issues and Luke, well, poor Luke had the sniffles.

Our start was pretty good, especially given that we were still working on the main at the 5-minute warning and didn't even have the sails up yet at 3 minutes to go. We tried some new things, and some new positions, as part of our 2010 strategy.

One of the new techniques, learned at our North U. Seminar last Winter, was a "burping" of the headsail prior to a tack (though I guess in all that rain, a burp could very well be a belch, or a vomit.) We tried a foot first, which Lt. Jonathan instantly said that it was two feet, not one. But, having seen it myself and with our releaser in full control and full view of the one-foot length of line, the only conclusion we could come to was that Jonathan's wife must have been really disappointed.

Our two spinnaker sets were PERFECT! WOW! And, thanks to a 90-degree windshift, we didn't have to jibe on either leg, much to the disappointment of Lt. Ellen, who's always ready with organized lines and Commander Richard, who's always ready to bark out (sometimes misinformed) orders on what to do next.

After the race, I started up the practically-new impulse drive and brought the Enterprise home to Starbase One, very satisfied with our second place for the evening, pleased to hear a few crew on boats say Happy Birthday, and yet a little annoyed that it was high tide inside my sneakers.

But, hands down, the best part of the night was the birthday celebration down below with the crew singing Happy Birthday and seeing the amazingly-delicious Boston creme birthday cake. Then again, when I saw the candles on the cake, I did not think about the crew, being with friends and loved ones, or even being 44 years old...

It was more like: Oh no, not another fire.

2010-06-04T13:29:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 11042.5
It's certainly been a scary start, but this afternoon, I was notified by the yard manager that the Starship Enterprise is ready for active duty, just in time for Race 5 of the Wednesday Night Race Series along with some much-needed weekend day sailing and cruising.

The timing was also right, seeing as, week after week performing Race Committee duty, I kept seeing more and more Enterprise crew on board Breakaway. And not the ones I want to get rid of, either! (Now they're all going to be wondering... hee hee.)

There was even a moment, after talking with my father last weekend, that we'd enter an alternate boat. So, and pay attention now, The Enterprise-B Plan B would be Enterprise-A which is now Runty Kid II. But, Enterprise-A had engine problems of her own, so there's no way A could be B's Plan B. And there's no money to buy C right now. So B's Plan B could not be A or C.

Everyone got that? There will be a quiz later.

Engine problems aside, it was a great pleasure sailing on the previous Enterprise last weekend working our way through the chop and clearing Sandy Hook Point before the wind really died on us.

The engine problem? Well, my dad thought the fuel gauge was broken, because it was reading empty. But, instead, he's got a fuel leak somewhere in the lines or the tank itself. The bad news: A two hour tow back to the mooring by Tow Boat US. The good news: Hey, the gauge works!

Also over the weekend, I learned, finally, Commander Richard's weakness. For example, the weakness in Jim Kirk's original Enterprise was no phasers or torpedo launchers on the back of the ship. Approach that Enterprise from behind and fire away.

So what is the weakness of a man who's pushing 70, walks miles each day, has had a triple bypass and stents galore, but yet never stops going?

Three Polly-O Mozzarella String Cheese sticks and a Blueberry Vodka Martini. Done. Out for the count. I shit you not.

Anyway, back to the Enterprise-B. We've got a new transmission, new wiring, a redone keel and remounted rudder, not to mention a bunch of other enhancements. It's time to start our 2010 season and (you know I'm going to say it) Go Boldly!

2010-05-13T06:16:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 11036.4
Last night, four members of the Enterprise crew joined me and the EBYRA Principal Race Officer Eben Hansmire as we beamed aboard the USS Favored End to perform Race Committee duty for Race 01 of this year's Wednesday Night Race Series.

The four intrepid Enterprise crew were Captain Dave, Lt. June, Lt. Ellen and, oh man, I forgot his name. He's a new crewman. Wore a red shirt. I think it was Guy.

Anyway, it was cold. I mean really cold. On land, it was in the low 40's. On the water, it was friggin' cold.

How cold? After we started the races, most of us went down below into the tight cabin on Favored End (completely redone by Lt. Ellen over the winter to as beautiful as it could get) but Crewman Guy chose to remain on deck to watch the races. When we came up an hour later to start recording the finishers, we found Crewman Guy's body on the deck:

So sad. But, to look on the bright side of life, the team did a superb job of performing race committee. The line was perfect, timing was perfect, flags were perfect. Once again, the Starship Enterprise has set the bar high.

By the time we got back, it was still way too cold. And, the only way I could demonstrate how cold, is by presenting the following image of me in my layers of foul weather gear about to get into my Jeep at the Morris Yacht and Beach Club:

We took care of Guy (dumpster) and went to Brian Dempsey's for dinner, where the service was, in a word, horrendous. Drink orders wrong, June's sandwich wrong, and a guy that came out of the kitchen to apologize and to tell us they were out of chicken pot pie, but NOBODY ordered the chicken pot pie! And, their WiFi wasn't working! C'mon Morris - get that building finished!

As for the Enterprise: Practice, rigging and tuning is Sunday and our first race will be Wednesday. Here we go!

2010-03-07T15:40:00.000-08:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 11018.1
This past Saturday, Lt. Jonathan, Lt. June, Ensign Kelly (who, thanks to a great mix of medication and mental instability is also known as Ensign Abby) and I beamed over to planet Stamford for a seminar on sail trim presented by the great minds at North U.

For eight (yes, eight) hours we listened, watched and took copious notes, all in an effort to squeeze every last ounce of warp drive out of the Enterprise this season.

They looked to be in a pretty good mood, despite having just been told that pretty much everything they were doing was a complete and utter failure.

As if the results weren't indication enough.

I guess I could say we weren't doing everything wrong, but there was certainly enough information presented to have us redo the way we communicate, start, tack, spinnaker set, jibe and douse. Like I said, not everything. I'm pretty sure we got the whole boxed wine and Twizzlers thing down like professionals.

So, the crew should be forewarned - we're going to take things to the next level, which includes PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE.

Dates coming soon. In the meantime, it's time to get into the "mode" of sailing again. Time to start thinking about the boat, positions and racing again.

Red alert! All hands to stations and alert engineering that we'll be going to warp drive!

2010-02-08T08:26:00.000-08:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 11010.4
Last night marked my third annual Starship Super Bowl Spectacular, where several members of the Enterprise crew come over to my captain's quarters and watch the big game on the big screen.

It certainly was great seeing some members of the team again, including Captain Dave, Lt. June and Ensign Kurt. June brought some wine (not in a box,) Kurt brought some cheesy snacks and fruit with hummus, and Dave brought some brownies.

Upon seeing the brownies, I asked if they were "funny" brownies. Dave quickly replied that they were not, but then wondered why everyone asks him that, trying to figure out what was it about him that gave off the marijuana-brownie vibe. I don't know, maybe it was some of those Wednesday night spinnaker jibes last year. Oh well, one more excuse we can't use.

Lt. Zoraida canceled last minute because Steve was really sick and "won't see a doctor until he coughs up a lung." Better than me, though -- I'd try and swallow the lung back down again before seeing a doc.

Say it all together now - Ewwwwwwwwww!

During the worst lineup of commercials in Super Bowl history, we discussed the Enterprise, how The Who's Roger Daltrey looks a lot like Lt. Jonathan plus 15 years or so, and Commander Richard's latest cardiovascular adventures, most likely moving him to the position of rail meat (would that be considered aged rail meat?) for the 2010 season and beyond.

At least not all the commercials were bad - there was Betty White playing football, the man's no-longer-compromise Dodge Charger spot and, my personal favorite, the E-Trade baby's "milka-wha?" girlfriend.

The game itself was exciting, with the Colts coming on strong for the first quarter and then taking a beating in the third and fourth. I'm disappointed - not so much because I was rooting for the Colts, but because we may be stuck hearing the phrase "Who Dat?" for several more weeks.

Plans are now being formulated for the Enterprise Ski Weekend and the North U. Trim Seminar in Stamford (of which several Enterprise crew will be attending.)

And, despite the frigid temps outside, I do get some warmth in knowing racing is only three months away.

2009-12-30T06:49:00.000-08:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 10999.9
A week ago, after having a delightful dinner at City Island, I went to go check on the status of the Enterprise in spacedock undergoing repairs. Since the days were getting colder, I was not expecting much, thinking most of the repairs will be done come springtime.

But, I was pleasantly surprised to see the rudder re-mounted and the keel looking like brand new -- No bumps, no cracks, just an almost-artistic smooth foil. The Enterprise is going to better than ever. A new beginning! Reborn!

Much like after midnight tomorrow evening. A New Year. A time to start anew. A chance to forge new friendships or cement existing ones. An opportunity to set goals in your personal and professional lives.

So, please, readers of the Captain's Log: Take a few moments and jot down all the things that you want to happen in 2010. Then take a good look at your list and see what you can do to make them all a reality.

Here's my list, in no particular order:

- Strive for better relationships with all my loved ones.
- Forge a better network with all my business contacts. Get out there.
- Drop the last 15 pounds.
- Wherever I go, Go Boldly.
- Learn to race better. Pass more responsibility to the crew.
- Have more FUN. At work, at home, and on the Enterprise.
- Make contact?

To the crew of the Enterprise, my family, my friends, my coworkers, my colleagues, and all the people in my life: Best wishes to you and yours for a happy and healthy (and breezy) new year.

May 2010 bring you all that you wish for and beyond.

2009-12-24T11:00:00.000-08:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 10998.1
As the year winds down and the Enterprise continues on its repair schedule for a re-launch in late April (just five months away!!), I wanted to take a moment to wish the officers and crew, and all our followers from all corners of the planet, the most joyous of holidays.

Even though I, and a few others on the crew, are Jewish, we are all well aware of the fable of the jolly overweight man in a red suit that travels all over the planet bringing joy. Thanks to modern technology, we were able to capture an image of this man in the midst of spreading his holiday cheer from the seat of his sleigh:

No matter what you celebrate, this is truly a special time of year. May this holiday season bring you all that you wish for, including Peace on Earth -- three simple words that I hope to see in my lifetime. I hope you are spending these days with all those who are special in your life.

And, let's plan on a new year (beginning with Stardate 11000.0) full of good health, happiness and at least 15 knots of breeze.

2009-10-08T07:48:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 10977.0
Yesterday early afternoon, with winds holding steady in the 40's, several vessels around City Island broke loose from their moorings and drifted in the surf to the various land masses in the surrounding areas. One of them, unfortunately, was the Enterprise.

I'm told she broke free and took a direct course, shields down, to a beach just north of the Morris pier. SeaTow took notice right away, rescued the ship and brought her over to Consolidated shipyards.

By the time I got there (a half hour later) the Enterprise was already on land. The keel was a little bumped up, some cracks appeared where the keel met the hull, some scrapes along the port side and the rudder was bent -- slightly to be sure, but enough to warrant repairs. The mooring lines were severed THROUGH the chafing gear. Amazing.

The people at Travelers Insurance have been amazing thus far, as has Wes at Consolidated. I'm confident that the Enterprise will be "as good as new" by Spring, but our season has come to an end and winter storage plans are now up in the air (I doubt repairs will be done in time to haul at Morris.)

What's more amazing is that within minutes of the incident -- yes, MINUTES -- posting began on Sailing Anarchy regarding the Enterprise's drift in a post called "Klingons Attack" which is now, at the time of this log entry, 19 posts long. Blame has been placed on Klingons to fisherman to the J/105 fleet for wanting their rating changed (Actually, I could care less. That crusade is being led by Vince "Baby Daddy, Don't Call Me Nanny" Nanni.)

So here's my guess: These guys are all closet Trek fans and scared to admit it. They see a sailboat and they think Starship. They see their crew and think of THE crew. They drop their moorings (assuming they still have one) and they think of Boldly Going. Instead of passing waves, they imagine stars.

Don't be scared guys. There are plenty of us out there. Just because you're a fan doesn't mean you wear Starfleet uniforms to jury trials. Just because you're a fan doesn't mean you show up to each convention hoping to get Zachary Quinto's autograph. Most of the fans don't have the urge to touch themselves imagining a love scene between Lt. Commander Data and Tasha Yar. It's OK. Really.

You CAN go see a movie the day it comes out. We know you want to. You're not fooling anyone by waiting a few weeks.

And we know you love the Enterprise. Kirk's Enterprise, Picard's Enterprise. Even my Enterprise. It brings a smile to your face. It gives you a joke to say amongst your crew.

You wave, give a Vulcan "V" salute, even quote Scotty's "I'm givin' it all she's got, captain!"

You follow the log (hundreds of visitors a week - Worldwide!) and you share our thirst for adventure, teamwork and escapism.

Yes, the whole thing is tongue-in-cheek. But you know, as well as I do, "Starship Enterprise" is a great name for a racing sailboat. Enjoy it. We're enjoying it with you. We're not geeks, we're sailors. Sometimes we do well, sometimes not. We're all really about one thing - having fun.

Earlier in the summer, I was approached by an author who is finishing up a book on science fiction and its effect on society. He found this Captain's Log blog and wanted a photo of the Enterprise for his book as well as a brief write up by me as to why I chose to name the boat and what it all means to me.

So, here's what I wrote:

I was born just three months before "Star Trek" first aired on NBC, so I did not get to see the series as it was first presented. Like most, I watched rerun episodes in the 70's on afternoon television where the show really gained popularity. Looking back, I'd have to say that growing up on Long Island was pretty good. I had a great family, good schools and, if I had to admit it, was pretty spoiled all around. Still, as a kid, there are always problems with sibling rivalries, issues with friends, teachers and parents. But, no matter what, each afternoon, I would sit in the family den and be taken far away from all of that – to distant worlds and a healthy dose of action and adventure – all aboard a starship named Enterprise.

As I grew older, I began to see more of the details. I noticed how the characters of Kirk, Spock and McCoy fit perfectly into Freud's Id, Ego and Superego. I noticed how the crew was made up of people from different cultures (even species) and how they effortlessly found a way to work together towards common goals. I noticed how this vision of the future had no poverty, no hunger, and no more wars plaguing our planet. It was a future worth looking towards.

But 79 episodes can only get you so far. I admit, there was a time when I started to lose interest. But then, in late 1979, I went to a movie theatre to see some abysmal directing, some bad acting and a really stretched storyline in what was called "Star Trek: The Motion Picture". But, the star of the movie was the Enterprise. Almost totally new, I was awestruck and, once again, taken back to the nostalgia of this vessel that took me to other worlds and the ultimate "escape vehicle" from the daily drama that is life. I decided then, at 13 years old, that I wanted to have my own "escape vehicle", so I went to my 8-foot sailing dinghy (O'Day 7-11) in the backyard and with some vinyl letters my dad bought for me in an office supply store, I affixed the name ENTERPRISE to the stern. Now here was a ship of my own that I could "boldly go" on whenever I wanted (assuming it was warm enough outside.)

In 1984, I turned 18 and my father gave me the standard speech about how I was an adult now and had to take certain responsibilities in my life. On that same day, perhaps as an act of defiance, I and two friends cut out of school and went to the movies to see "Star Trek III: The Search for Spock". I think it was, probably, the worst birthday of my life. There, larger than life, I saw the Enterprise explode and burn up in the atmosphere on the Genesis planet. My childhood was over. I remember my friends looking over at me asking me if I was all right and, to be honest, I wasn't sure. It was the right time though. Adulthood was here. Responsibilities had to be taken on and maybe I should spend a little less time looking for an "escape vehicle."

But, as you know, films kept coming. A total of eleven by now. There have also been five spin-off television series. And in that time, we've seen, among other vessels, a total of nine different Enterprise's all doing the same thing -- protecting humanity, exploring worlds and experiencing different cultures. So, even in today's times, whether its work-related stress, threats of terrorism or rogue governments, the need for this "escape vehicle" is now clearer than ever.

And so I have a Starship Enterprise of my own and she's the third ship of mine to bear the name. My crew is made up of people in all age groups, backgrounds and races. We have bleeding-heart liberals and die-hard conservatives. Yet, we sail her all the time TOGETHER, escaping our daily lives and worries - all just for a few hours each week.

As a 140 year-old Dr. McCoy said while touring the Enterprise-D on the first episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation, "Well, it's a new ship, but she's got the right name. You remember that. You treat her like a lady, and she'll always bring you home."

Our spirit has not been broken. And, even if this incident turned out to the be the end of this Enterprise, it would not be the end of our adventures. There are plenty more letters left in the alphabet. We'll be "boldly going" for years to come.

2009-09-17T07:57:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 10971.2
For last night's final race of the 2009 EBYRA Wednesday Night Race Series, the crew would have its opportunity to run spinnaker successfully in a strong breeze in total darkness.

And, for all intents and purposes, that opportunity still remains intact. What happened last night would create a new listing on Google for "Nighttime Spinnaker Clusterfuck" - and I have a feeling that we will be #1. We're #1! We're #1!

The evening started with us heading out to the starting area putting on quite a few layers, setting sails and the balance of the crew learning why Yeoman Kelly is commonly referred to as "ABBy" on the Enterprise.

For all the log readers out there, let it be known that Kelly has more of an issue that the "A" stand for "Assistant" rather than "Alternate" -- having no problem whatsoever with the "Bow Bitch" portion of the acronym.

And, how do we celebrate a season full of great starts? With our worst start ever. EVER. Nothing like two tacks in the last 5 seconds before the gun. Are we on Starboard? Are we on Port? Who knows? Hey! Watch out for Eagle!

How close did we come to Eagle's stern? I think Ernie could have adjusted our bow navigation lights.

We pulled some great moves upwind and regained position on the fleet, rounding the windward mark tied for second place. And yes, for those of you who have never, in darkness, rounded an unlit mark within 100 feet of rocks in a breeze where your main trimmer can't blow the main sheet, I highly recommend it. MUCH better than Plavix for clearing arteries.

The chute went up. Sort of. I think we hit Warp 10. As the bow team and trimmers tried to get control of the chute, I was trying to get helm control back on line. Thank God for the Enterprise-B. Had this been the "A", we would have broached in the rollers. Easily. We've done it before.

And then, when I said let's get ready to jibe, we started to jibe. Nobody ready. Then, just for kicks, there was another roller and a puff. Whoa, what a mess.

Top that? Sure, no problem! Let's blow the halyard and dump the chute in the drink during the take-down. Lt. Zoraida got soaked bringing it in and that's why she was wearing different pants, no underwear, and Dave's shirt when she came home last night (That's her story, Steve, and she's sticking to it.)

And, Captain Dave will never confirm that he allegedly said he missed Lt. Jonathan last night.

We returned to the mooring and dined on board the Enterprise. Lt. Commander Mitch, in an effort to stray from his reputation for bringing pretentious snacks, passed up a sack of White Castle Sliders.

"Why do they call them 'sliders'," Commander Richard asked.
"You'll see when you go to the bathroom later," someone replied. Whoosh! Ah yes. Nothing like White Castle and toilet humor to add to the prestige of yacht racing.

So now, before we run Race 20 next Wednesday in the 19-race series, and before we compete in the Charity Cup before hauling the Enterprise, it's time to review crew performance:

A commendation is hereby entered into the file for Captain Dave for his mastery on the foredeck, patience and expert self-control - it did take him 18 weeks before tackling Kelly on the foredeck. A new record.

Commander Richard is also to receive a commendation. While never missing an opportunity to ditch us all on weekends, his attendance on Wednesday nights has been admirable. Richard is always asking to do more, and even though he fails to deliver when tasked (see notes above regarding main trim during the mark rounding,) his enthusiasm more than makes up for it. Plus, he's my dad and I figure the best chance to an Enterprise-C is to remain in the will.

Commander Jory Stark also receives a commendation for his work on the jib, attendance and his apparent joy in being the only man on board who gets to blow the guy week after week after week. (Man, does that joke ever get old?)

Lt. Commander Mitch, though no change in rank yet, is to be promoted to the ship's Tactical Officer. Mitch will be spending the colder months reading books on currents, wind shifts, puffs, reading water and waves. We are expecting grand things from Mitch for 2010 and beyond. Sorry, goats.

Lt. Jonathan is, simply, the pits. Er, I mean, he runs a great pit. There's nobody in the fleet who can, within seconds, raise a spinnaker, adjust outhaul and cunningham, and then retrieve Twizzlers from a dangerous galley cabinet. He has also promised each member of the crew that, while racing on the Enterprise, their income would double with half the trouble. A commendation goes in his file as well.

Lt. Ellen also receives a commendation for her expert work in keeping the Enterprise in peak performance. From organization during races to running lines for spinnaker jibes to cleaning down below to making sure there's ALWAYS boxed wine for anyone who wants it. It's come to the point where we just know that the jib will always go out without any issues and the new spinnaker sheet will be ready and tight during a jibe. She is the ship's Operations Officer.

Lt. Zoraida receives a commendation for her greatly-improved skills on the foredeck, spinnaker preparation and making sure the ship's supply of tequila is rotated. We're happy to have Zoraida still with us, especially after her encounter with a New York City Taxi with her shields down.

I won't say that a lot doesn't ride on Lt. June's appearance at the October 17 haul-out, so we'll have to see how that plays out. Still, June is a valued member of the team. There's not many crew out there who, when asked to pull in the downhaul, will give you a three-minute monologue as to why she's getting around to doing it. It's also nice to be reminded every 3.5 minutes if I want the running lights on yet. In all seriousness, she runs the starboard pit well and I'd like to see her get involved in other areas of the ship. Besides, only with June can we have conversations like the one last night:

June: "Tolo said they couldn't complete the Larchmont race because they had a broken snatch. What's a snatch?"
Richard: "I think you mean snatch block."
June: "They said snatch. Edd, do you know what a snatch is?"
Edd: "It's a slang term for a woman's v--"
Richard and Ellen: "Stop right there! Enough!"

Amazingly enough, Kenny got married this year and his attendance INCREASED! We're not sure what Bizarro world Kenny is living in, but make no mistake, we like it. I'd like to see Kenny transferred to spinnaker trim next year. Effective this stardate, Kenny is increased one level in rank to Lieutenant.

Unfortunately, Kurt's attendance has been slipping. Last night, I suggested that he make the October 10 Charity Cup Race by telling his wife that he's a man and should be allowed to do what he likes. The only thing I can say from his reaction is that it doesn't look promising at all. So, despite Kurt's ability to spot his parents driving down the Bronx side of the Throgs Neck Bridge, I have no choice to demote Kurt to the rank of Ensign. I hope things will improve next season and he pays more attention to his Starfleet career.

For his never-ending enthusiasm and his leaps to help wherever needed, Olivier Letang is hereby promoted to the rank of Ensign effective this Stardate. Olivier seems to be always willing to take on any challenge and really enjoys spending time on the Enterprise. That could be, perhaps, due to his switching off his hearing aid when the rest of us are yelling at each other.

Kelly "ABBy" Morris, with almost-perfect attendance, performance on the bow as well as the pit, and the desire to learn more and more has earned her a promotion to the rank of Ensign. I can easily see her and Zoriada running the foredeck one day without Dave. Perhaps as soon as next year. Girl power!

Finally, despite a few attempts to injure Crewman Luke in the Line of Duty (starting with Stardate 10941.6 - The Port Washington YC Day Race Bloody Leg Gash,) it was a game of soccer while on shore leave that caused Luke's MCL to tear and force him on the crew's disabled list. I understand physical therapy is going well and he'll be back on board for the 2010 season.

All in all - the finest crew ever assembled.

2009-09-10T08:27:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 10969.3
I was really, really looking forward to last night's race. Not just because I get to go sailing with my friends (I always look forward to that,) but because the Weather Channel was forecasting 15-20 mph winds with gusts to 25. Finally! Some heavy air. Finally! The Enterprise would be in her element and we'll achieve new warp speeds.

But, I apparently forgot about all the previous log entries about the Weather Channel. The average was 8. And, we never saw it gust above 12. Fucking Weather Channel! I'd cancel basic cable, but I'd be lost without Comedy Central or Sci-Fi.

With a good number of crew on board (Commander Richard had a meeting, Lt. Kurt namby-pambied out of another race and Lt. Zoraida felt ill after something she ate - perhaps a taxicab medallion?) we set sails and worked out our plan for another great Enterprise start. That is, until the Terrorist decided to foul us, Fantasy Girl and Chaika all in the course of a few minutes. Red flags flew, as did some colorful terms. "Cosandey" must be french for "asshole".

We worked hard to regain speed in the two-leg race. Our jibe-set was fast, but with the wrong selection of the winch for the spinnaker sheets, we were fortunate that we didn't have to jibe the boat.

Besides, all attention on board was diverted to the gymnastics on the foredeck when Yeoman Kelly dropped to her back and Dave fell on top of her saying something about the position of the pole. She later said that he "Godzilla'd" her. Is that what the kids are calling it nowadays? My, my. My foredeck team. They grow up so fast.

On the way to the finish, a meeting was held on the foredeck and a decision was made, sans-captain no less, that next week was not to the Enterprise's last Wednesday Night of the season. So, all crew are requested to report for duty on Wednesday the 23rd for the 20th week of the Wednesday Night Race Series where there will be no race, but a fun sail through the final frontier.

2009-09-03T08:27:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 10967.4
Last night started with the joys of preliminary bilge work in order to lighten the load on the Enterprise in order to make weight allocations for Lt. Commander Mitch's yellow bag and a gift from my father, Commander Richard, of Lt. Jonathan's new book straight off amazon.com, Income Double / Half the Trouble.

Now, one would think after three years of providing Jonathan and his family a starship to sail on now and then, I would get a free copy, but noooooooo! I guess he really, really needs that $11.72 (plus shipping.) Nevertheless, it was an honor to be mentioned, along with the crew of the Enterprise, in the author's foreword. The crew did ask him if he was also going to provide an audiobook version, knowing just how much Jonathan loves to talk. I, of course, suggested that he hire William Shatner to do the read. Imagine it now. "Income Double Half" (pause) "the Trouble." (long pause, extend arms, hands upwards) "Fundamentals and" (pause) "Breakthroughs for Business and" (longer pause) "Personal" (pause again, nodding head, now in a softer voice) "Success." After all:

Now THAT, I would buy.

As for the race, the boat handling all night was textbook crew racing procedures. Every tack, every set, the one jibe, the two take downs - all could not go better. Tactically, on the other hand, we were hurting in a big way. I tacked over too early and put us in Ernie's shadow, forcing me to move the Enterprise to the less-favored middle of the course instead of the right. That first leg sealed our fate and whatever ground we gained on the subsequent legs just wasn't enough to make a difference. Still, the night was crystal clear with a full moon. Could not have been better.

We finished the evening by dining on board the Enterprise with a variety of foods ranging from hummus to Toastitos to sushi to brownies. The on-board 12-volt blender churned to its own warp speed making icy margaritas while I finished the bilge work I began prior to the start.

There's only two races to go now in the Wednesday Night series and two weekend events left. So sad.

2009-08-28T08:42:00.000-07:00

Bilge Officer's Log: Stardate 10965.8
Lt. Kurt vonRoeschlaub Reporting
"So how are you getting to Penn Station?" We had just gotten on the 6 heading back to Manhattan after the race. This seemingly innocent question was raised by Yeoman "Abby" Kelly.

"I thought I'd switch to the yellow line at 59th, and then take the 1, 2 or 3 to Penn."

There was much tetching and shaking of heads. Kelly informed me that even saying "yellow line" marked me as a subway newbie. "You should go to 51st and take the E. You don't want to have to change trains twice."

Commander Jory and Lt. Zoraida agreed. My plan was flatly foolish. Even if I was to take the N-R-W subway (see, I know what trains are on the "yellow" line) I should get off two blocks from Penn and walk rather than foolishly changing to the 1-2-3. After a bit of protest I finally gave in, after all they live in NY and I'm from LI. They should know the subway better, right?

The first hint I had that this might not be the case is when we pulled into 145th Street station half an hour later. I asked if I should switch to the express here, and Jory, glancing across the platform and not seeing the train right there, dismissed the idea (with much nodding from the others.) On our way to 51st, the express passed us. And another. The second time I pointed this out and Jory explained, "It's a crap shoot."

Here's a hint: when you are going from 145th to 51st on the local 6, stopping at 56,297 stations along the way, the odds of an express train passing you are not a "crap shoot" unless your dice have nothing but 3 and 4 pip sides.

Captain's note: The "crap shoot" part is not whether or not an express train or two will pass a local 6. Instead, it's whether or not a whiter-than-white boy from Long Island wearing, of all things, a Star Trek emblem on his chest would live long enough (forget about prospering) on a 145th Street subway platform waiting for an express to arrive. You were guided well, Kurt.

Still, I dutifully got off at 51st and walked with Jory and Zoraida to the E line. A Queens-bound train arrived as we went down the escalator to the bowels of Manhattan, so they bid me adieu and I took up my position on the Manhattan side of the platform.

After ten minutes I noticed the pipe next to me was dripping, and on the floor a small stalagmite had formed. "Wow," I thought. "How long has that thing been dripping to make a stalagmite that big?" Little did I know I would find out.

Five minutes later another Queens-bound E train arrived. The hundred or so other people waiting on my side started to shuffle about and get frustrated. Another five minutes and a Queens-bound V train stopped. I noticed the stalagmite had grown visibly. Or maybe I was just sinking into the Earth via erosion.

Ten minutes later, a full 30 minutes after I had first set foot on the platform, a voice came over the intercom. It announced "Attention please. The Manhattan-bound E train is not in service. If you wish to travel cross-town please take the 6 uptown to 59th and use the yellow line (Ha! he really said that!) If you had intended to do this in the first place, but your friends talked you out of it, you are now legally entitled to kick them." (Okay, maybe he didn't say that part.)

So I, and 150 other commuters who probably also trusted their so-called friends, trudged back up the infinite stairway (escalator shut down for your convenience,) and walked back to the 6 where I waited on a very-crowded platform for the next train. Another 10 minutes wasted.

Once I got to the N train, (3-minute wait), crossed town (less than 5 minutes), walked to the 1 (one-fifth the distance from the 6 to the E) and caught a ride to Penn (1-minute wait) it was a simple trip home. Only an hour later than if I had foolishly gone with my original plan.

And hey, maybe by next race the statute of limitations on that kicking will have run out.

2009-08-27T07:35:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 10965.5
After towing the Race Committee boat by tractor beam to the starting area, the crew of the Starship Enterprise assumed their positions for Race 13 of the Wednesday Night Race Series. All crew were present and accounted for, even Lt. Kurt (wow,) except for soccer star Crewman Luke (whose knee apparently can't be bent like Beckham's) and Lt. Commander Mitch, who was trapped fulfilling domestic duties in Cape Cod.

Almost missing the night was Lt. Jonathan, who was very late and only brought a single copy of his new book for Commander Richard only. The book, focusing on how to double ones income, probably details how to work more hours by showing up late to racing.

Our start was close to perfection, despite a bold maneuver to avoid a couple of non-spinnaker boats in the starting area. The Enterprise soared upwind and rounded first around the windward mark.

The run downwind was more like a reach and we all knew how well the Enterprise performs in a breeze on a reach with the chute up. The ship took off at Warp 8 out of Eastchester Bay. It kinda felt like this:

Our take down was perfect as we jibed around the last mark and in no time at all, we were at Warp 7 heading towards the finish line - never seeing the stern of a single boat in our division.

So why did we do so well tonight versus every other night? What was different? What was missing last night that's usually there each other night?

Initially, we thought it was Mitch. But, after careful analysis by Mr. Spock, I mean Mr. Kurt, we find the problem is not with Mitch himself per se, but rather with his gigantic yellow duffel bag.

Here is a shot of the Enterprise without the yellow bag on board:

And here is one one with:

Damn you and your yellow bag....

2009-08-20T20:37:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 10963.3
Last night's race started with a few members of the crew attempting to adjust the secondary warp core stabilizer (adjust the uppermost batten in the main sail.) The adjustment required the use of special tools all at arm's length and it was during that adjustment that I heard multiple requests for magnifying reading glasses because, apparently, the ones doing the job were experiencing some focusing issues due to, dare I say, age. Between eyesight, arthritis and domestic issues, the entire crew, with perhaps the exception of Yeoman Kelly and Crewman Olivier, are beginning to show symptoms of the affliction that seemed like only a few years before only belonged to Commander Richard.

But don't count us out yet. Well, not ALL of us. When it comes to tacks and jibes and moving around the Enterprise in light air conditions, the crew proved that they can move as well as anyone. Or at least any 40 year-old.

Back to last night's race. We had a perfect start followed by an exceptional first upwind leg, rounding the first mark just behind Chaika. Our spinnaker set was just about perfect and included a textbook jibe, putting some distance between us and the rest of the fleet. We even GAINED ground on Chaika!

If only that were the finish. But, the wind got lighter and the engineers on board decided to compensate by adjusting the primary warp manifold by a micron. Except, in this case, the manifold was a genoa car and the micron turned out to be a good six inches. The Enterprise was pointing about 10 to 15 degrees lower than everybody else and we lost a ton of ground on the third leg.

Oh well. After all, we are still learning.

Or it's an age thing.

Thankfully, our spinnaker skills were once again phenomenal including two (yes two!) flawless jibes. We gained ground and were able to take back some of the lost footing. All in all, a job well done.

There's only four races to go in the series - so be sure to tune in next week for some more jibe-talking, centerboard-dropping, tequila-swilling, boxed-wine-pouring, June-narrating and orange-goop-eating action.

2009-08-13T08:43:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 10961.6
With several important people in key positions missing last night (as well as a few non-important ones -- you know who you are,) the Enterprise went out to the starting area in high hopes that there would be enough of a breeze so that we wouldn't have a third race in a row cancelled.

Our start turned out to be all right, despite the puff moving across the starting area giving the Enterprise a boost in speed and throwing off our timing. We were at the pin at 0:00, but, most of that is thanks to some tricky S-maneuvers and the fact that there were no boats below us.

Backstay/batten conflicts arose as usual in light air, so our tacks were not as textbook as we hoped, but we were still pleased to cross tacks with Chaika on the first leg. Following a rather tricky mark rounding (we missed it by THAT much,) we rounded in second place and held position all the way downwind into the current-filled Eastchester Bay.

We lost some ground in the final upwind leg, but still managed to finish in third with no correction factor changing our standing.

We finished the evening at Dempsey's, where we, for Lt. Zoraida's sake, were on the lookout for approaching taxicabs and Lt. Jonathan revealed that he went to school for electrical engineering, the same degree my father, Commander Richard, had obtained.

Of course, back then, electrical engineering consisted of calculating how far from the kite do you tie the key.

Most of the crew feasted on the 20-cent chicken-wing special, which, of course led me to wonder what do they do with the rest of those little chickens. You never see tiny chicken thighs or tiny chicken breasts.

Poor little chickens. Bon apetit, crew.

2009-08-06T07:00:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 10959.7
With an amazing first-place victory under our belts from the ultra-stormy CIYC Day Race on Sunday (where damp was the new dry,) the charged-up crew of the Enterprise was ready for action.

Unfortunately, the wind gods around Eastchester Bay did not share the same enthusiasm. Upon arrival to the ship, we saw winds speeds of 1.6 with whopping gusts of 2.2. Once again, the crew used the same excellent foresight they used in not competing in the Around Long Island Regatta by not running the spinnaker lines and keeping the sailcover in place.

I decided to give the impulse engines a good workout and we took the Enterprise out to the starting area to offer greetings to our friends, collect my one dollar from the USS Tolo and simply enjoy the fact that, even with no breeze, it's still better than being in the office.

So, we puttered around for 45 minutes. We asked Tony Sklarew of Alviento what his battle flag flying from his forestay read. We had Roy Halvorson of Crossbow pass us twice as he couldn't get enough of looking at my white clean bottom (insert your own joke here.) And, when we passed Vince and Wendy on Fantasy Girl (baby strapped to the foredeck) they stated that they were having trouble calibrating their wind instruments and if we could be so kind as to give them what we were reading. As the Enterprise glided through the glass-like water, we happily replied "22.5 knots" and went along our merry way.

We went back to our standard-orbit mooring and, in no time at all, the boxed wine and the Enterprise's new signature drink, Rum and Diet Pepsi, was flowing. In no time, we were re-living our adventures from the past weekend and previous storms. Lt. Jonathan, after his wife put the entire northern district of the US Coast Guard on Search and Rescue alert during last Sunday's race, wanted to know who would contact his family should he suddenly become fish food. Turns out there were several volunteers willing to deliver the news to his wife.

But who would tell Courtney?

2009-07-30T09:16:00.001-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 10957.8
The evening started with several phone calls and emails from competitors asking if EBYRA was going to cancel the races due to the very ugly cells heading towards Eastchester Bay over the next few hours. But, by 6:30pm, the skies looked OK enough to send the Race Committee out to the starting area. Personally, with iPhone radar in hand, I decided that there was no way the Enterprise was going anywhere.

Those Enterprise crew that were able to show would have to be content sitting under the Morris tent to watch the storms hit, one right after the other (and yes, there was a second storm - and thanks to a bet with Captain Norm Kilarjian of USS Tolo, the funds towards the purchase of the Enterprise-C has increased by one dollar. That brings the total dollars saved towards a new Enterprise to, you guessed it, one dollar. Only 125,999 to go!)

We were light on crew anyway. With Lt. Kurt bailing out early, Lt. Zoraida nursing her wounds from a rather unique way of flagging down a NYC taxi cab, Lt. Kenny stuck on FDR Drive, Yeoman Kelly trapped on the wrong side of a stuck-in-the-open position drawbridge and Lt. Jonathan eagerly grasping on to his youth by attending a double-bill concert featuring Yes and Asia, we didn't have enough to make a serious go of it - especially in a storm. To Kelly and Luke: Yes and Asia were rock and roll bands from the 70s and 80s and practically everyone who is 40 and above has had at least one of their cassettes. And, oh yes, a cassette is a plastic cartridge that contained music on a magnetic tape that we put in a slot in our car stereos. Think of it like an iPod that only holds 12 songs.

Unfortunately, the races didn't get off for the 9 boats that did make it out there. So, we grabbed our stuff and headed out to Dempseys, where Courtney was back waiting tables with an extra dose of bad attitude. She claimed it was because she was working alone and there were too many separate checks, but we think it was because Jonathan wasn't there.

We're now entered in Sunday's CIYC Day Race and looking forward to another great day on the water.

2009-07-23T06:40:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 10955.9
As captain of the Enterprise, I try my best to make good decisions. And, even though last night's Wednesday Night Race was filled with bad decisions, horrible maneuvers and abysmal tactics, I think I made the best decision of my career as a Starfleet Officer - perhaps even the best decision of my life.

You see, today is the start of the Around Long Island Regatta. And, I decided that the Enterprise was not to go this year. Had just the wind forecast been a factor - Easterly at 15-20 (tacking the entire way out) - it would have been a good decision. But, with the addition of radar my friends, it turned out to be a GREAT decision. Here, see for yourself:

So, instead of 40-50 hours of wondrous vistas and star-filled skies, the crew would have been exposed to this instead:

Although something tells me Dave would still want to go. OK, maybe me too.

Back to last night: Just once - once - I'd like to try having a lousy start and a great finish. But, there were just too many factors against us. The breeze was light, the Enterprise felt sluggish, the crew was discussing Richard Gere and not wind puffs (or tactics) and we botched a spinnaker jibe losing all hope of passing at least one boat in the fleet. We ended up so far behind everyone that we spent the final downwind legs practicing jibes - again and again and again and again.

Could it have gotten weirder? Hell yes. Lt. Kurt lost a tooth eating a Twizzler. And it wasn't even one of those hard stale ones either. Then, when Kurt's friend Adam was asked if they were a couple, he only replied that Kurt was too old for him.

We crossed the finish line at Warp 5 and did 3 more jibes. In disgust, Lt. Commander Mitch began to speculate what would be involved in removing the Starfleet markings and replacing them with Twizzler advertising (perhaps with a ADA warning attached.)

I suppose the best thing to come from last night's race is the answer to Lt. June's question. You see, before the race, I reminded the crew that next week, the Enterprise would receive its first throwout for the season. And that's when June asked which race would we throw out.

Now we know.

2009-07-16T06:41:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 10954.0
In doing a little research this morning, I found that there are companies out there who will charge their customers thousands and thousands of dollars to be ranked #1 on Google.

But, without spending a single dime, the Enterprise is still at the top of the heap with "Spinnaker Clusterfuck" - and last night's spinn set from hell cemented us there probably well into the 23rd Century.

But hey, why stop there? We're also #1 on Yahoo! and Microsoft's new "intelligent" search engine, Bing. As if Microsoft and the word "intelligent" should ever be used in the same sentence.

I wish I could say the chute was the source of all of our problems last night, but it went way beyond that. Before the start, Commander Richard spoke more about the draft than a late-60's politician, leading us to change the shape of our main - AWAY from where the sailmaker told us to set it. So, after my first-place evasive-maneuvered start, the Enterprise felt like we could barely move at impulse power. By the time we reached the first mark, practically the entire fleet passed us. I even thought for a moment that Chaika had passed us as well, but they still had never left the mooring.

Earlier in the week, Lt. June sent around an article called "Keelboat Hiking for Dummies" about the importance of hiking and the need to do so quickly after the skipper calls out, and I'm quoting from the article, "Hike [expletive(s) of choice]!!!" Always a fan of putting to use the things I read in articles, it wasn't long after the completion of our first tack that I yelled out, "Hike the fuck out, you fucking fuckers!!!" and then later, for good measure, I think I added "Motherfucker fuckety fuck!"

I'll work on that. But, it did work. The crew hiked like never before.

I won't go into many details about the first spinnaker portion of the race, but it all included tangled lines, late set, hourglass, disconnecting poles, contradicting orders and, the proverbial cherry on top, a jibe that tried to send the entire chute through a 1/2" opening on the uphaul block.

We set the sails back to their normal configuration and, Bam!, Warp Speed! The Enterprise found its groove again and passed several boats on the next upwind leg.

Our second chute set was close to perfect, except I called for the hoist JUST A LITTLE BIT early and Dave was almost launched into the stratosphere. Missed it by that much.

We crossed the finish line at Warp 7 in 3rd, correcting into 4th. The only challenges left for the evening were how many wings could I eat at Dempsey's and what is the precise timing that we should use to make Yeoman Kelly laugh while drinking so liquid shoots out of her nose.

Missed it by that much....

2009-07-13T08:41:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 10953.2
This past weekend, we took a short weekend-long shore-leave from the daily grind and duties on board the Enterprise to head over to Starbase Two on the Jersey Shore, the new full-time residence of Commander Richard and his wife Marcy - also the location for the upcoming 2009 Rolex Fiat/Chrysler Montauk Worlds Regatta.

Highlights included sitting by the pool, great dinners, a screening of "Brüno" (Hilarious - there is no envelope) and a glorious sail on board a very-special 1978 C&C 34 named "Runty Kid II" -- formerly known as the Enterprise-A.

Commander Richard has done a great amount of restoration of the old ship, including some beautiful modifications down below. And, in the 15 knots of breeze west of Sandy Hook, we were able to achieve well into the Warp 6 range on one of the oldest headsails in the quadrant still in use (a 1978 Van Zandt Dacron 135%) and no main at all.

As we trekked (I don't use that term nearly enough) back to New York in the traffic on the Garden State Parkway, I was asked "Why is your father so ashamed of being a New Jersey resident now? Is New Jersey so bad? I thought it was beautiful."

No doubt, it was a great weekend and it was beautiful.

Maybe New Jersey isn't so bad, but let's be serious. New York is CLEARLY better. We have two baseball teams and two football teams (three if you count Buffalo.) Even the two football teams that PLAY in New Jersey still call themselves New York teams. We have a city that is the greatest city in the world - and so nice that we named it twice (New York, New York.) We all know it. The Garden State has nothing on the Empire State.

So yes, Commander Richard. Be ashamed. Be very ashamed. After all, you'll never see a movie called The Garden Strikes Back and I doubt Star Trek would have gone as far as it did if their greatest enemy throughout the Original Series was the Klingon Garden.

2009-07-09T07:01:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 10952.1
Last night's events started with the pleasant surprise of seeing construction actually beginning on the new Morris Yacht and Beach Club house. There were fences up, mounds of dirt, holes in the ground and heavy machinery - enough to make Lt. Jonathan (and these are his words) "freak out" with worries of how he'll get to the boat. Thankfully myself and other members of the crew took a moment and calculated that the best way to get the the dock would be to WALK AROUND the fenced area and then, Viola!, dock!

The Morris launch, however, had a "freak out" of its own, not able to start and leaving a growing number of captains and crew stranded at the dock just staring at the 15-knot breezes and sunny skies. After about twenty minutes, I could start seeing some tears. Launch Operator Danny (he's a Star Wars fan, but hey, nobody's perfect) and I looked over the engine to see if we could spot the problem. I pointed out a hanging wire, but we couldn't see where it would attach to.

The committee boat came by to pick up its crew and offered to give me and Commander Jory a ride to the Enterprise so we can bring her in as well. But, by the time Jory got the mooring lines undone, the launch was repaired and on its way out to us.

During all of this, Lt. Kurt called to say he wasn't going to make it and then went into some yada, yada, blah, blah excuse about some new project at work. I think he's now 3 for 8. With that kind of record, he can pitch for the Mets.

Our start was close to perfect and our run upwind had us round the first mark in third place. The expert timing of the crew in setting the chute had us very quickly pass number two and we continued downwind catching up to number one, rounding just behind Chaika and battling her all the way back upwind. We passed them, they passed us, we passed them again.

But it was all our attention to each other that let the number three boat, helmed by The Terrorist, pass us both. Still, at the finish, there was only seconds between us. While yes, there were a few things we could have done better, all in all, it was a well-run race.

Back at the mooring, before heading out to Dempsey's, Mitch passed out some Veggie Chips and announced to everyone that he was in Therapy. When nobody seemed surprised at the announcement, he played it off like it was some kind of Milton-Bradley-esque board game that adults can play. And, to quickly "cover his tracks", it looks like Mitch stayed up all night to create a website selling the game. Still, we wondered what the therapist hourly rate could be for marital therapy when one of the partners prefers a goat.

At Dempsey's, I calculated results while we ordered enough wings to explain why chickens can't fly. When we asked where Courtney was, our waitress replied that "She doesn't work Wednesdays any longer."

What did you do, Jonathan?

2009-07-08T07:03:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 10951.8
OK. I get it. Someone is really pissed at us. Whether it's God, Mother Nature, the Devil or the Bajoran Prophets from the Celestial Temple, I know now that someone is really, really angry.

First, it was two inches of snow every third day ALL winter long. Then, we had a June with almost every day filled with rain, rain and more rain.

Normally, I would just consider that to be just a run of bad luck, but last night a tornado ran through my home town of Yonkers knocking down trees, leaving thousands without power, closing roads, and, I shit you not, dumping tons of hail onto the ground making parts of the outdoors look like snow had fallen.

Yes, that's snow. An image was taken from my Jeep, this morning, in FUCKING JULY!

So what did we do? Did we spend waaaaay too much time on the whole Michael Jackson thing? Did we ruin our economy? Is it because we're freeing probable terrorists and socializing the country? Is it because we passed Chaika last week?

So here it is. Listen up. WE'RE SORRY! We're really, really, really, really sorry. Please give us a break. We're sorry!

Well, except for the whole passing Chaika thing. If that's it, then bring it on.

2009-07-02T06:22:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 10950.1
Last night started with the unfortunate ejection of the secondary warp core primary stabilizer (the top batten on our mainsail came loose and was flung into the depths of Eastchester Bay) but we were lucky enough to have another on board to install so as to not affect our racing for the night.

Thankfully, the Race Committee boat has been experiencing some minor engine troubles and we were able to get everything fixed and running at optimum levels long before the starting line was established.

On board, Ensign Kenny took no time at all to dishonor the recently deceased by spewing off 10-20 Michael Jackson jokes, all from reading off his BlackBerry email -- it looks like the Wall Street crowd is busy as usual. None of the jokes were all that funny. Besides, I hear the latest autopsy showed the cause of death was food poisoning -- they found 12 year-old nuts in his stomach.

The wind shifted to the Southeast, making the committee boat (big surprise) heavily favored. As we passed by, Eben Hansmire, the EBYRA Principal Race Officer, said, "You'll be going to P for your first mark." P being the EBYRA buoy anchored off of Kings Point. This started a round of conversation on board the bridge:

"OK, guys, we're going to P."
"To P?"
"Yes, we're going to P."
"I like when we're going to P."
"Is everyone going to P?"
"How can we all go to P?"
"We're ALL going to P. (To foredeck) We're going to P!"
"P?"
"Yes, we're going to P."

And it was then when Lt. Ellen couldn't bear it any more and made a quick, really quick, run to the head, murmuring something like "All this talk about pee...."

And, suddenly, Eastchester Bay was a little bit deeper.

The changes in wind velocity didn't give our fleet the start we all were hoping for, but I was still very proud in our ability to be second over the line. By the time we reached the first mark (that's P, for those of you who may be a little slow,) we were among the leaders of the pack.

And then it happened. And, I'm still amazed by it all. Procedures in mind, at a boat length to the mark, I called for the hoist of the chute. The intrepid crew of the Enterprise did EVERYTHING perfectly to America's Cup standards. The chute was full and trimmed before the stern of the Enterprise cleared the mark. We increased speed to Warp 6.5 and glided back to the bay leaving Forza in our warp trail and quickly catching up to Chaika. It simply doesn't get better than that.

But, it did. We rounded the leeward mark with Chaika and our take-down went just as perfectly as our launch. We jibed clear ahead of Chaika and put Rabbi Dave Shulman and the Chaika crew in our bad wind. I even think I farted a little just to drive the point home to them. Chicken, Baked Ziti and Snapple for lunch. They tacked away very quickly.

We put some distance on the fleet on the last upwind leg, including a very bold move around a barge (Chaika tried the same, but far too late and caused the tugboat to decrease power quickly -- interfering with commercial traffic, very protestable indeed.) We crossed the finish line FIRST and even though we corrected down a bit, this was a well-deserved victory nonetheless. A victory that belongs to the crew doing their jobs with expert precision. It's now just a matter of fine tuning.

There's still a lot of season left -- we can do this.

2009-06-25T08:34:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 10948.2
There can only be one reason why it did not rain during last night's race. After all, New York has clearly become the new Seattle with what feels like several months' worth of clouds and rain. But, it didn't rain last night. And, the only reason I can come up with is because I had spent several minutes getting into my heavy foul weather gear, including my Gill boots so as not to get my "mocs" wet. It was only after I had all the gear on, including finding locations to stow my wallet, keys and iPhone, that the sky cleared and the temps rose.

And to add to the anomaly, there was actually a breeze! Once again, the Weather Channel gets it wrong -- and in HD, they are now clearly wrong.

We all got on board and prepared the Enterprise for departure. That is, except for June who was sailing on Breakaway in Block Island Race Week and Mitch, who was running terribly late. Luckily, the race committee was short-handed and was in a postponement, giving time for Mitch to run down the dock - panting heavily from carrying the yellow bag.

We circled the starting area and assessed the favored end, which, unamazingly enough, turned out to be the committee boat, aptly named "Favored End." As I awaited the starting timing, Commander Richard pronounced is tactical strategy for the night - watching where Tolo goes. Tolo, of course, was at Block Island as well, and we were all very impressed with Richard's superhuman eyesight.

We adjusted the main halyard tension, which seemed to make a big difference in our upwind leg - Warp 7.5 in around 10-12 knots of breeze. SWEET! In fact, had the wind not shifted further East on the first leg, we would have rounded first. I challenged the crew again to a jibe set and they all performed admirably. Kudos to Lt. Kurt and Captain Dave for jury-rigging a pole-lift solution when a block broke as well as to Lt. Ellen for setting up the lines perfectly as well as flying the chute during the jibe and to Yeoman Kelly (or is it Abby) for transitioning to - her words - "bow bitch and sewer bitch to pit bitch."

The jibe on the short downwind leg also went very well, with the spinnaker never collapsing during the maneuver. The only slow point was when Lt. Commander Mitch wouldn't release the now-lazy sheet. But, for a man who's failed to deliver the hard salami for two weeks in a row, can you blame him for just liking to hold it?

We held ground for the second windward leg and did another superb jibe set, nicely finishing in third place for the evening - a job well done for all.

I had to miss dinner to officiate over a protest between High Heels and Wilpower regarding a collision between the two a couple of weeks back. I did my best to stay unbiased, but, as Mitch pointed out, it's very common to lose willpower when it comes to high heels.

2009-06-22T07:22:00.001-07:00

Spinnaker Trim Officer's Log: Stardate 10946.3
Lieutenant Commander Mitch Recording
With our captain leaving on an away mission to the close-to-bankrupt planet of California, the balance of the crew and I went back to Dempsey's for our usual post-race helping of wings, beer and conversation. Plus, it seems Lt. Jonathan REALLY wanted to see Courtney again. It wasn't long until it was revealed that Courtney was born in 1990 - 19 years old, the same age as the Enterprise, and young enough to be his daughter. While the rest of the men on board couldn't really see an issue with this, Yeoman Kelly thought he should be ashamed of himself.

With a vagabond birthday party in our usual space (yes, going there twice makes it our usual space,) we were placed at an L-shaped table in the back. And then, speaking of age, Courtney, between lap dances on Jonathan, decided to "card" Yeoman Kelly, Crewman Luke and Ensign Kenny.

Those not getting carded decided to leave thousands of chickens in the world wingless and, while eating, began to think of ways to climb the Amanda Hills. That is, all except June, who apparently spent the evening looking for a stud around the restaurant and bar - but was very, very happy to find one on the floor of her apartment.

2009-06-18T04:38:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 10946.3
Sitting on the ground at Newark Airport awaiting for weather clearance to take off for my meeting in Los Angeles, I found myself wondering if it might be faster to take the Enterprise instead. Plus, I'm sure it'll be far more entertaining than the double feature on today's flight: Paul Blart, Mall Cop and Pink Panther 2. Ugh. I think there should be a rule on in-flight movies - show something better than films that make passengers hope for engine failure.

As the flight climbed to 15,000 feet, I saw something out the window that I had not seen since long ago. In the before-time. I think they called it sunshine.

Anyway, last night's race on the Enterprise was far better than expected. The crew performed admirably in the chilly Seattle-like weather with two perfect spinnaker sets and take-downs. The shifted winds did not give us an opportunity to jibe, but had we done so, I'm sure that would have went well too.

And, in the end, it was the shifted winds that did us in. So, now it's official. I'm a bonehead. I knew all about the forecast for the wind to go Southeast, but made the mistake of going right. Boats far behind us made out very well by going left, but we did what we could to stay with the leaders.

For a while there, I was concerned we weren't even going to start. By 6:30, several of the crew were still not aboard and were stuck behind the Pelham Park drawbridge, apparently never seeing the opening of the Blues Brothers movie. Lt. Kurt wrote me earlier in the day to say he wouldn't make it, thinking he was dangerously close to being demoted and assigned to the position of Assistant Cabinet Opener. Not a chance Kurt - you're a family man and I know how dangerous that job can be.

Also missing was Zoraida's cookies, Richard's sushi and Mitch's hard salami (or soft salami, for that matter - can a salami take a Cialis?) so I started to wonder how dedicated the crew might be this year. Not even a steering-cable-greased Twizzler. Damn.

I had to end the evening quickly to catch my ultra-delayed flight (I made my meeting with only 10 minutes to spare), so I don't know what went on at Dempsey's - but I'm expecting to get a full report from Lt. Commander Mitch soon. Did Dave climb Amanda's Hills? Who ate whose french fries? And, did Jonathan make out with Courtney? Mitch did promise that even if nothing interesting transpired, he'll just make some stuff up.

2009-06-11T07:48:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 10944.4
With a full crew on board -- except Yeoman Kelly, who chose work commitments over Starfleet duty -- the Enterprise set out in the Easterly breeze for the fourth race in the Wednesday Night Race Series.

Our start could have been better, but that was mostly due to the unorthodox maneuvers by Forza, who failed to keep clear of us, the leeward boat. I decided not to raise our protest flag, figuring we'd probably pass them anyway at some point during the race.

Also in the starting area was Ernie Bivona's Eagle and Wendy Walasek's Fantasy Girl, with her new Tactician, Baby Daddy and EBYRA Curmudgeon (not necessarily in that order) Vince "Don't Call Me Nanny" Nanni.

We rounded the first windward mark and proceeded to perform a jibe set to stay away from the lighter air between Hart and City Islands. The set went well, the jibe went well and our take-down after the short leg was perfect - and the bow team did a fantastic job preparing the Enterprise for a quick jibe so we can achieve the highest possible Warp Speed on our way to the next windward mark.

We were doing well catching up on Eagle and putting some distance on the two boats behind us until we encountered what could only be described as a Fucking Breakaway. Going ultra-slow and a good several minutes behind the rest of her fleet, Breakaway, a Division 6 Beneteau, who is supposed to be much faster than us, especially in light air, blocked our maneuver around the mark and slowed us to a crawl as well, not letting us do our jibe-set as planned and giving Fantasy Girl oodles of time to catch up. And while Breakaway's position was perfectly legal under the rules, it certainly fell under last-place-boat-fouling-a-second-place-boat-in-another-division-asshole-move.

We were still able to cross in second, but Fantasy Girl was close enough behind to correct. All say it with me now -- Thank you Breakaway!

After the race, we went back to Brian Dempsey's (Lt. Jonathan REALLY wanted to see Courtney again) where we enjoyed their great menu and played with the party favors that Lt. Ellen set around the table in celebration for my birthday the day before. The noisemakers were popular for about a minute until the crew discovered the toy rings were able to squirt water about 15 feet. In no time the table scene was filled with streams of water flying back and forth to the point where Foredeck Captain Dave was happy he kept his foul weather gear on.

Meanwhile, Dave was doing everything he could to keep the other waitress, Amanda, coming back to the table. I'm starting to think that Dave should be calling tactics on the boat because that time where he "accidentally" dropped his fork to get Amanda to bend over was pure genius.

The birthday cake came and the crew sang happy birthday. I'm happy to say that they are better at spinnaker maneuvers than singing, though I'm not sure that's saying much. Meanwhile, June passed me a sailing resume by Alan Horowitz looking for a crew position on a racing sailboat. While he's clearly not Enterprise material (the resume was not on quality-laid paper,) I saw that he listed as crew experience "jib trim" and "boom." So, the latter either means he was a preventer on downwind legs or he's very popular with the ladies -- after all a boom could be 12 feet in length.

Lastly, congratulations to Ensign Kenny and his new bride Nina on their wedding and surviving their honeymoon in Africa. I'm told she's already quit her job and is moving to another state - a real time-saver. Still, it took several of the other married Enterprise crew to convince him it was not only OK, but safer, to remove the ring during racing.

Besides, Jonathan "Frodo" Flaks could not help but feel drawn to the Ring.

2009-06-04T06:18:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 10942.5
It wasn't the steady downpour of showers that kept us from racing last night, but rather the average wind speeds of 1 with gusts up to 2.5 that sealed the fate of the Enterprise as well as every other boat racing in the series.

Knowing all too well that this was going to happen, the crew gathered under the Morris tent instead of beaming over to the ship. It was there that we enjoyed cookies, sandwiches, wraps, cheese and Mitch's salami.

Missing for the night was Ensign Kenny, Lt. Jonathan, Lt. Kurt (dangerously close to being demoted to Ensign) and Lt. Ellen, confined to quarters with a nagging case of the Denoblian Virus - which she swears in nothing, NOTHING, like the swine flu. "I hope there's no wind and you don't race," she said over the communicator between sniffles. That's my girl. Team Player.

Yeoman Kelly showed up a little late, having lost her battle with New York City Traffic and the MTA's so-called "Express" Bus. To try and cheer her up, Lt. Commander Mitch asked her, as only Mitch could, if she wanted some of his salami. Without missing a beat, she asked if it was hard. Sheesh, Kelly - You just got here and he's over 40. Give it a minute.

Crewman Luke then showed us his leg scar from last Sunday's Day Race, which was not only enough to make us lose our appetites, but the crew was also able to exclaim, in unrehearsed unison, "Ewwwwwwwwww!" Then, Captain Dave asked Commander Jory how much blood was splattered on the foredeck. Of course, we now have a new level of respect for Jory and Luke, injured performing their duty during intense conditions and not, say, while opening a cabinet in the galley.

After some time, we went over to City Island Yacht Club to sample the food by the new Steward. Not a large menu by any means, but tasty nonetheless. And the service was excellent, a welcome change compared to last year's 1.5-hour wait for a burger and a pitcher of water.

Afterwards, Commander Richard drove several New Yorkers, well beyond capacity of his Soccer Mom Minivan, back to the city, including a new crewperson from Captain Wendy Walasek's "Fantasy Girl." Wendy and Vince are now less than a month away from the birth of their daughter, which Vince, now retired, will be staying home and caring for. As I picture him singing songs, rocking cradles and changing diapers, I realized just how perfect it is that his last name is "Nanni."

2009-06-01T07:06:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 10941.6
Edd: "Guys, that was probably the worst jibe - ever. Ever!"
Richard: "I don't know. There was that one on August 12, 1978..."

Oh yes, 1978. Eight crew injured. Three dead. I stand corrected. Second worst.

Mitch: "Actually, this wasn't a jibe. It was a take-down."

I stand corrected again. When the bow of the Enterprise looked like the snake scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark, covered with twisted spinnaker sheets, guys, uphauls, downhauls, jib sheets and halyards, I realized that all hopes for a successful jibe was lost and called for a take-down. The chute went down and after what seemed like a week passed, we got the jib out again -- and we all cursed Dave for choosing to spend time with his boys instead of running the foredeck.

And so it was for the first weekend race of the season -- the Port Washington Yacht Club Day Race. Over 20 miles in a variety of wind conditions raging from a peaceful and slow 8-knot breeze to balls-out excitement in 20+ gusts.

The race was loaded with close calls, including an emergency maneuver around an anchored sailboat at Warp 9 with the chute flying with no control whatsoever - and for the first time this season (and hopefully the last) blood was spilled on the deck.

Then again, we rounded the first mark in fifth place - maybe it wasn't enough blood.

We missed Kenny on the main. We missed Dave on the foredeck. We missed Jonathan in the pit (and for getting a telltale unstuck -- it's made of yarn, it was high up, and we needed his kitten-like skills.)

Still, I was very impressed with the crew to overcome the challenges as we fought hard to regain standing on the ultra-long upwind legs as well as the faith they put in me when I decided to take the Enterprise through the very-narrow opening between Stepping Stone Rocks and the Kings Point shoreline to save time.

"We're going in there," I said and set a course into what the crew starting referring to as The Wormhole.

Richard started shaking his head. "I don't know... it's your boat...."

We made it through at Warp 6 and gained a ton of footing on our competition. It felt so good to see Captain Iris Vogel's Deviation just a few minutes ahead of us in the final legs.

We set the chute for the final two legs and all seemed well until a big wind gust hit from the aft quarter forcing us the round up. As I fought the helm, saying calm-through-crisis inspirational words like "Oh shit!", Mitch was quick to ease the sheet (this time) and we had control in no time. We picked up speed to Warp 8.5 back through The Wormhole, very impressed with the Enterprise-B and her quick-thinking crew. Something tells me, had we been on the Enterprise-A, a broach would have occurred.

I'm not sure yet how we finished - seeing how slow other clubs are with posting information makes be feel good about how we run EBYRA -- but we were certainly tired and certainly re-thinking any foolish thoughts about the Around Long Island this year.

All in all, a great race on a beautiful day. Even the various injuries and clusterfucks didn't seem to ruin peoples' day. I'm already looking forward to getting back out there on Wednesday.

2009-05-28T07:07:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 10940.5
Fully loaded with repaired gear, replacement parts and enough rum punch to take out a small army, the Enterprise set out for another Wednesday Night race. Of course, things got a little tense when, after we dropped the mooring, I discovered we had zero helm control and the Enterprise was beginning to assume a standard orbit around the Big Tom rocks.

I opened Airlock 3 (the stern ladder) to gain access to the helm controls, even though Lt. Commander Mitch thought I was abandoning ship. With the help of Captain Dave and crew passing up tools from below, all while Commander Richard and Lt. Jonathan fought over engine controls, we were able to restore control to the helm. The crisis was solved and we were able to get to the starting area well in time for our sequence.

Even though we were the first boat in our division to start, we certainly could have started better. We pushed hard on the upwind leg through the cold, bitter air, and rounded the upwind mark next to Eagle who wanted enough room at the mark to pass sideways with several feet to spare.

Our spinnaker set went very well as did our numerous jibes down Western Long Island Sound. We gained a lot of footing and rounded the leeward mark first after a well-executed take down. Great work by the foredeck team of Captain Dave, Lt. Zoraida and Yeoman Kelly. A welcome change from last week to be sure. Take that, Google!

We crossed the finish line first, correcting into second. Overall, a job well done!

And it was on the way back to the mooring and after we were secure that we heard phrases never before heard on board the Enterprise:

Dave: "If you're going down, grab me a hiney." -- Most men (or women as Kelly pointed out) would simply say, "If you're going down, I'll be happy."
Edd: "These Twizzlers taste like steering cable grease."
Mitch: "I know where I can get some good hard salami."
Ellen: "Mitch, if you put the rum punch in your bag, it might make things go easier with the goat later."
and, finally,
Jonathan: "Richard, you're moving too fast. Slow down."

The Enterprise is set for the Port Washington YC Day Race on Sunday and I'll be out there doing some work on Saturday.

2009-05-21T06:30:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 10938.6
When you're in first, you can either stay there or move down in ranking. For last night's race, we had a great start, rounded the first windward mark first, then rounded the leeward mark first and then rounded the second windward mark first.

But the only "first" we were able to hold on to was our Google ranking for the term "Spinnaker Clusterfuck."

And, after last night, I dare any boat, anywhere, to top us. To recap: We were in first. We rounded the mark and all systems were go for launch of the heavy-air chute. Pole set, guy pre-fed, everyone is in position. Lt. Jonathan started to raise the halyard and I could swear I heard him remark how much smoother the line was feeding through the system compared to last season.

But that was because there was no spinnaker attached to it. That snap shackle flew upwards as if it had warp engines of its own.

But no worries -- our foredeck team (now there's three of them!) thought fast and rigged the other spinnaker halyard. We hoisted and in no time at all, we were doing Warp 9.8 down Long Island Sound.

But then there was the jibe. Or maybe I should say the attempt of a jibe. Before I explain further, I should point out that we were SUPPOSED to have a shakedown and practice cruise on Saturday, but key players like Richard, Jonathan, Zoraida, June and Kenny all felt they didn't need the practice. And yes, before you ask, all were on board last night. Words fail me as to what actually went down, but it was starting to look like the only way the spinnaker was going to get to the other side of the boat was going to be through the genoa clew, then around the boom, then through one of Zoraida's earrings and finally between Dave's legs. Of course, the cockpit was starting to look like all-you-can-eat spaghetti night at the Olive Garden.

We got the jib out and were still able to round ahead of the fleet. But, on the upwind leg, the spinnaker clusterfuck (Spider that, Google!) reached its ultimate conclusion with flying halyards intertwined with uphauls and working halyards. Despite Lt. Jonathan's attempts to grab lines 20 feet in the air (think kitten and yarn,) there was no second set in the cards for us.

Then, to add fuel to the fire, our main sheet block blew during the rounding. Ensign Kenny, thinking fast and making split-second decisions, crafted a work-around that kept us in the race. Unfortunately, Kenny is getting married next week so we fear his ability to make decisions in the future may be hindered. We may just have to have his wife on speakerphone speed-dial.

With the wind clocking down, the other boats, with chutes flying, were able to pass us in the final moments. Oh well. We had them til the very end.

I've already placed orders for repair parts and will install over the weekend or early next week so the Enterprise will be ready for our next race.

2009-05-17T07:24:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 10937.3
Yesterday, the members of the crew of the Starship Enterprise that were not at a bar mitzvahs, out of the country, checking moorings in New Jersey, watching the Yankees finally win a game, teaching mental midgets, getting married in the armpit of Pennsylvania or doing God-knows-what, came out to rig the ship, check all systems and go for a fun sail in our first voyage of the season.

This time, I'm happy to report that Lt. Kurt did not show up with a toddler in hand, but instead chose to show up after most of the heavy lifting and rigging was done. It amazes me the lengths this one goes through to avoid doing a little labor. Still, all was forgiven when he introduced himself to Yeoman Kelly by simply stating, "I am Spock."

Lt. Commander Mitch, seemingly obsessed with the overly fascinating world of tell-tales, proceeded to place them along every conceivable point on the mainsail to watch airflow. He did briefly consider placing one or two on Kurt, but ultimately decided not to in the fear he'd have to trim Kurt on upwind legs.

Meanwhile, Lt. Ellen, perhaps after watching waaaaay too much of American Idol during the colder months, decided to sing songs to every comment made on board. In one afternoon, we went from "I'm on a Boat" to "Here Comes the Sun" during the ever-so-brief glimpses of sunshine in the very overcast, windy day.

Between tacks and jibes, along with a few glorious moments at above Warp 7.3 on an upwind leg, the team worked on acclimating Yeoman Kelly to the crew by filling her in on all the back-stories on board, from the ultra-hazardous cabinet openings (Mitch is working on a safety video) to the dangers of the head to the workings of Kurt's brain to how Mitch will happily talk about sex with goats, but will draw the line at oral sex with goats.

I suppose it's good to have standards.

On our way back to the mooring after locking in the locations of the EBYRA marks into the ship's navigation systems, Lt. Ellen commented about our recent trip to the Bay Area of California and the clear indications of lesbians roaming the SFO airport. "They all dress alike," she stated.

"Maybe they're part of a gang," Dave replied, shortly after remarking that he, too, is a lesbian. "The Cramps and the Bloods."

Oh yeah. We're back.

2009-05-14T06:56:00.001-07:00

Captain's Log; Stardate 10936.7
Last evening, a landing party comprised of myself, Commander Richard, Lt. Ellen, Lt. June and Crewman Luke beamed over to the USS Favored End to perform race committee duty for the first race of this year's Wednesday Night Race Series.

Lt. Ellen and I arrived much earlier to do some last-minute rigging, install some additions and help Captain Richie Coar and Rabbi David Shulman on the boat's engine. Apparently, we've been sucking down some dirty gas and keeping the boat going has been a challenge. It didn't take long for them to resolve the issue and I'm happy to say her engine was running perfectly for the rest of the day and night. Quite a relief too, because my usual solution to engine trouble is "get the jib out" - but, then again, Favored End doesn't have a jib.

Crewman Luke learned a valuable lesson last night, as told to him by one of the crew of USS Tolo's shuttlecraft: Don't be late - they will leave you at the dock. Luke showed up after we left for the starting area, though to be perfectly honest, I wasn't 100% sure he'd be attending given the absence of a ride and the record of the New York City Mass Transit system.

With expert work on flags, setting the line and getting things set up on time, we were well on our way to running a perfect committee - setting the bar high for all those who come after us. That is, until Eben misread his watch and ordered the drop of the "P" flag a minute early. We had to go to postponement and start all over again. Everyone say it with me now: Thanks Eben!

On hindsight, the courses we chose, especially for divisions 6 and 5, might have been a little short, but then again, with the wind and the setting sun, things were getting pretty cold on the committee boat. To give you an example of how cold things were, we were able to snap this photo of Eben on his way to the upper deck of Favored End:

This Saturday we rig and tune the Enterprise. Assuming all goes well (does it ever?), we'll be on the starting line for next Wednesday's race.

2009-05-04T06:57:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 10934.0
In these tough economic times, I think the pharmaceutical industry is missing out on real profit center opportunity - the sale of high-powered tranquilizing sedatives to boat captains during the spring launching season.

Many thanks to Commander Jory, Lt. Commander Mitch and Lt. Ellen for their last-minute help with loading up gear, cleaning up the hull and below decks, and expert assistance with the launching of the Enterprise.

I must admit, I find myself especially disappointed with the few crewpeople who did nothing for our Spring prep and did not show for the haul-out last Fall. But not to worry, there's still a bilge to clean and oil to change. And plenty of "dirty jobs" all season long. You are part of a crew on the Flagship of the Federation. She needs maintenance, upkeep and care. There are no free rides on the Enterprise. Period.

Oh, and for the record, showing up to do work with your half-asleep two year-old daughter in your arms does not count. Explanations like "Sorry, my wife said it was my turn to watch her," are just not going to wash. Remember, this will be the same wife and kids who won't come near you for the balance of the year because you spent a hot, humid day in July trying to clear out one of Lt. Jonathan's industrial-strength "biscottis" out of the head plumbing.

The Enterprise launched with the tide, despite a brief scary moment where she started to fall during the transfer from the trailer to the travelift.

A few more seconds and I'd be on the phone with my insurance company to begin shopping for the Enterprise-C.

The season has begun!

2009-05-01T06:28:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 10933.2
With the launch of our Enterprise set for this Saturday afternoon with the tide, I felt it was only fitting to bring a select few officers from my crew to witness the launch of another Enterprise. So, Lieutenants Ellen, June, Zoraida and myself formed a landing party to beam down to the Regal Ewok theatre in New York City to see what most of the rest of the country won't get to see for at least another week:

To say the movie was good would be as much as an understatement as saying Khan has anger issues. From frame one to the end credits, the latest movie is a roller-coaster ride with an interesting story, breathtaking action and wondrous special effects. Not only did J.J. Abrams break the odd-number curse, he, much like what was done with the Bond series with "Casino Royale" and the Batman series with "Batman Begins", completely reworked the franchise and breathed new life into the series. But, unlike the Bond and Batman reboots, what we have seen in the past is not forgotten and is the basis for the events as they unfold.

Things are certainly different. The Enterprise is different - faster, more heavily armed. The crew is different - how they meet, interact. Their history is different - the fate of Captain Christopher Pike, the absence of Kirk's years as a lieutenant on the USS Farragut. But, the story, expertly written by FOX's "Fringe" scribes Orci and Kurtzman, gives us the reasons why.

I simply can't wait to see it again. And I can't wait for the sequel due out in 2011, again with Abrams at the helm, but also joined by his writing team of ABC's "LOST" (scheduled to conclude in 2010.)

The message: These people are special. That ship is special. No matter what, fate brings them together because they all belong together.

Much like my crew and my Enterprise.

Of course, no screening would be complete unless it was followed by a Dallas BBQ dinner in Times Square where we can discuss the intricacies and complications of time travel, yacht racing, and negotiating apartment leases. Oh, I almost forgot, June announced that she is not a serial killer.

All of this is thanks to my wonderful sister Jan, a television producer who used all the connections she could in order to make this happen, despite all my transparent bluffs of telling her that I will hate her forever if she doesn't deliver. Love ya, sis.

The movie is out, the boat is going in, and EBYRA is starting. It's May! As a captain once said (or will say) - "Buckle up!"

2009-04-18T19:24:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 10929.3
A good portion of the Enterprise crew, including our two newest crewmembers, beamed over to our starbase earlier today to prepare the Enterprise for commissioning to boldly go on her missions once again for the sailing season.

There was much to be done, including bottom paint (our shields from the strange life forms that attach to hulls), a repowering of our systems and the repair of several airlocks.

Missing was Lt. Zoraida and Lt. June, the latter of whom wanted to see history as the Yankees played their first game in their new stadium. And history she saw -- 14 runs scored against the Skankees in the 2nd inning - the most runs scored against the team in a single inning. Ever. Oh well, it at least looks like the pitching staff isn't on steroids.

Also missing, though we can't understand why, was Foredeck Captain Dave -- especially when a good amount of the work today was actually done on the foredeck. It will be interesting to see if Dave notices. I guess we'll know when we hear the splash.

And, rounding out the absences was Lt. Kurt (who was trapped on a farm without email for a long time, and now has suffered those consequences by missing out on Advanced Screening tickets to "Star Trek") and Commander Richard, who was stuck in Filthydelphia.

I believe this is the third work party in a row that my father has missed, so we left the head cleanup duty to him on what will hopefully be a very hot day. And, to ensure he has enough to clean up, we closed the through-hull valves and let Lt. Jonathan use the head after an especially long night sampling the menu at Taco Bell. Suddenly the slogan "Make a run for the border" makes sense to us.

Many thanks goes to the expert painting team of Lt. Ellen and Yeoman Kelly, who did a fantastic job of prepping the bottom and applying the paint. And, they inhaled enough fumes from the chemicals that neither will have to worry about any kind of internal infection for, say, the next 10,000 years.

Lt. Jonathan was there for about two hours - just enough time to paint the prop and apply zincs to the shaft. Luckily, he steered clear of cabinet doors and drawers in the galley. He made it home safe. In one piece.

Commander Jory and Lt. Commander Mitch did their part in sealing windows and doing a fantastic job cleaning up and conditioning the wood in the quarters down below, right after I restored main power.

Crewman Olivier with Crewman Luke and Ensign Kenny reattached the forward hatch and made sure it was in top condition before helping out Ellen and Kelly apply the second coat of anti-fouling paint.

Kenny did tell us more about his upcoming nuptuals, including some details about a bachelor party and the honeymoon, where they will be visiting Africa and taking a safari though the wilds. Not for me, to be sure. My idea of "roughing it" would be no concierge.

Still, as we downed a few pies of pizza, we wondered why go on a honeymoon to an African safari? Aside from missing two weeks of racing, wouldn't you save a trip where you can get eaten by lions for after one's been married for a while?

The Enterprise is scheduled to launch next week. Details coming soon on our updated schedule, including some warm-up and tuning voyages through the final frontier.

2009-03-27T07:14:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 10923.6
Towards the end of last season, our very own Ensign Kenny announced that he was engaged to his long-time girlfriend Nina and that they had set a date for May 2009.

Now, with that date quickly approaching, we were able to find their wedding website -- www.ninaandkenny.com. There, you can find lunch-tossing photos of the happy couple, where they are registered and a way to RSVP to see their vows in person somewhere near the Lehigh Valley of Pennsylvania.

We all had heard that Nina and her family were from Lehigh Valley, but, even still, could not understand why they chose Billy Joel's "Allentown" as their wedding theme song.

After all, it's a song about how things start off great, but then deteriorate into poverty and misery. And yet, the people there stay because they think, somehow, that things will get better.

Oh wait! Now I get it! It's about marriage!! It all makes sense now . . .

2009-02-22T13:06:00.000-08:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 10914.2
This weekend marked the first annual Enterprise Ski Weekend - where several members of the Enterprise crew headed north to The Berkshires to ski Catamount. Aside from the several who didn't RSVP at all, Lt. Commander Mitch was a no-show due to a bout with the flu and Ensign Kenny also didn't come because he has - and the CDC is now on full alert status - the "sniffles".

We all stayed at the Days Inn in Great Barrington, where I was shocked at the amount of similarities it had with the previous hotel I stayed at just a couple of weeks prior: The Bellagio in Las Vegas. After all, the Bellagio has a fountain outside and the Days Inn had ice in the parking lot. The Bellagio offered fine cuisine and the Days Inn offered imported coffee called "Casa del Maxwell."

The day of skiing (we left Sunday because a storm was hitting) was probably the best ever. Sunny skies, mid 30's and, partially thanks to the economic meltdown, not too crowded. Perfect conditions for me to try to get rid of the image of Lt. Jonathan trying to get in Lt. Ellen's pants the night before.

Jonathan spent most of his time standing still posing for photos:

(Notice how the hills LOOK steeper because the person holding the camera tilted the horizon?)

Lt. Zoraida spent most of her time learning to snowboard, but I think she was just trying to get closer to Mother Earth:

But it was I, the clearly most talented and fastest skier of the bunch, who immediately took to the speedier slopes, moving on to break a wide-range of National and Olympic speed records:

Unfortunately, in the interests of full disclosure, Starfleet Command has ordered me to show the entire photo:

What can I say? I'm into sailing. After 12 knots, things start getting scary.

We skied for several hours, ending the day up on the porch of the lodge watching Zoriada's niece, Elana, continue trying to snowboard all while comparing it the to famous "agony of defeat" moment in the beginning of ABC's Wide World of Sports. Meanwhile, it appears that Jonathan's 8 year-old son, Ray, found the lyrics to our new theme song "I'm on a Boat" and couldn't wait to tell his mother about it.

We ended the day with dinner at a fantastic restaurant called Route 7 Grill, complete with a waitress who, when asked, thought that each item on the menu was "awesome," but got a little creeped-out when Zoraida brought out her gift muppet, nicknamed "Little Z", which quickly started to molest Zoriada's boyfriend Steve.

Jonathan politely waited his turn, then proceeded to fist the muppet, unbutton her shirt and make enough remarks to make a porn star blush. This was, of course, until his Cantor showed up at the table (no joke) and that muppet was off his hand at warp speed.

I wasn't able to witness what transpired the rest of the evening (way too tired and Live Free or Die Hard was coming on HBO,) but I hear it involved vodka, an ultra-competitive game of UNO and Zoraida giving the muppet to Jonathan asking him to please show them where the priest (or Cantor?) touched him.

I'm just happy I didn't have to bail anyone out of jail.

All in all, an AMAZING trip. A new tradition is born. We must do this again at least once next year.

2009-02-16T07:02:00.000-08:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 10912.6
For more than a decade, quite a few members of the Enterprise crew have suggested that we come up with a theme song for the ship to either play or sing as the boat approaches a starting area for a Wednesday Night or weekend race.

There was even a point in time where we had an actual professional composer on board, Ensign Andy Brick, known for his work on video games and Disney video releases. Yet, the only artistic lyrics we received from Andy was during a 98-degree August day when the head overflowed on the Enterprise-A. He rose from the cabin after several minutes down below searching for inspiration and said, "Man, it sucks down there." We never got music though and Andy left the Enterprise a few weeks after.

For years, I have tried to find some score of music that would be a moving combination of Alexander Courage from Star Trek: The Original Series, Jerry Goldsmith from Star Trek: The Motion Picture and Star Trek: The Next Generation, as well as even Dennis McCarthy, the composer from Star Trek: Generations - the only film to actually have footage of the Enterprise-B. But, since my musical talents didn't go beyond three months of piano lessons, I always knew this project wouldn't go far.

Even for the past two years, with Lt. Jonathan Flaks on board, keyboardist and vocalist for "One Dog Man", "CC and Company" and the Grateful Dead tribute band "Not Dead Yet", the best we've been able to come up with so far is a screamingly off-key version of Rod Stewart's "Maggie May" recorded in New Jersey where Lt. Ellen could not stop laughing and Lt. Zoraida got a handful of harmonica-saliva.

But, I'm proud to report that, thanks to last week's Saturday Night Live Digital Short featuring Andy Samberg's band "The Lonely Island" and a single off their album "Incredibad", we have found our theme!

In a time where century-old yacht clubs are shutting down and the boating industry is facing its worst times ever, we should be reminded of just how great it is to be on a boat. I'm asking all crew to spend the next few months learning this song.

I think Lt. Commander Mitch should do the part of T-Pain, top hat, sunglasses and all.

2009-02-02T06:49:00.000-08:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 10908.8
Last night, several members of the crew of the Enterprise beamed over to Starfleet Headquarters (my apartment) for the Second Annual Starship Super Bowl Spectacular to feast on junk food and watch the big game on a HD screen so large that if Captain Kirk had one in the 80s, he would have seen Khan coming from miles away.

Most of the food, except for a delivered pizza and buffalo wings, and a wondrous supply of beef ribs provided by Zoraida's boyfriend Steve, came as leftovers from the Nathan Flaks Bar Mitzvah. Which was fine with me, as long as it didn't come with an 18-hour candle-lighting ceremony beforehand.

It looked like it was going to be a fun game. That is, until Madden started talking, blurting out the most inane obvious commentary that made us all feel like football scholars.

But things got really weird when Madden, who apparently has been spending way too much time on his bus (no car could fit him,) started going on and on about tight ends, wide receivers ending with a five-time repetition of, and I shit you not, "penetration, penetration, penetration, penetration, penetration." That was all followed by commentary about the end zone and the word "burst." Most of us were appalled, but we did see Lt. Jonathan run off to another room to call his, um, how do I put this, chiropractor.

Lt. June arrived early, grabbing up some of the best seats in the house, and proceeded to root for the Cardinals, much to the dismay of practically everyone else in the room. At one point, when the Cards took a short-lived lead, she cheered so loud that Dave warned her of a demotion to bilge duty.

The big surprise of the night, aside from the game -- one of the most exciting Super Bowls in the history of Super Bowls, was the appearance by Lt. Kurt! On a weekend! With the wife and kids at home! Captain Dave asked him how he did it, how he was able to get away, most likely expecting an elaborate story of how he used an old spoon to chisel away at the wall for the last several months, climbed over drainage pipes, scaled 40-foot walls while evading guard dogs, and a life-size paper and plaster replica of himself placed in his bed. But, Kurt simply noted that his wife "owed him" so he was able to get away for a few hours without penalty.

Everyone took off right after the game, leaving me with enough food to keep me out of the A&P for the next year and a half and enough beer and wine to make the Enterprise a very happy ship for the season to come.

The Enterprise Ski Weekend is next -- and then, after March and April, we will continue our voyages through the final frontier.

2009-02-01T07:40:00.000-08:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 10908.5
Last evening, Lt. Ellen and I were fortunate enough to be invited to witness the Bar Mitzvah of Lt. Jonathan's son, Nathan Flaks, at the Chapel in the Woods at the Kol Ami Temple in frigid White Plains.

One thing was for sure, this was not your father's Bar Mitzvah. There were keyboards, guitars, a reportedly gay rabbi and a cantor that looked like he was auditioning for American Idol.

Nathan (apparently named after a hot dog) did a great job during the service, which included a performance of a piano solo the he wrote after a few moments of quiet prayer.

Things were so lively, far different from any service I attended as a child. And it was probably because of that, that I took an interest in the prayerbook that was given to each attendee. Flipping through the pages, I was shocked to see the following passage:

"Baruch atah Adonai Elohenu melech ha'olam, asher kideshanu bemitzvotav vetzivanu l'hadlik ner shel Shabbat."

Which, in Hebrew, means, "Blessed are you, Eternal our God, Sovereign of the universe, who has sanctified us by your commandments and instructed us to kindle the Sabbath lights."

But the surprising part was that in Klingon it also means, "Be warned, captain, our disruptors are locked on your bridge. We instruct you: No tricks. Prepare to surrender."

The event concluded with a walk across the frozen tundra (also known as the parking lot) for a reception and dinner featuring a magician with card tricks, an Italian/Asian fusion of food choices and a disc jockey whose record collection consisted of no music prior to 2007.

Right before dinner, however, we did see Lt. Jonathan go into the dining room with another man wearing a yellow tie. My new Apple iPhone communicator was able to grab this sensor image:

Jonathan swore, repeatedly, that it was his chiropractor doing an adjustment. Um, OK.

We all sat for dinner where young Nathan took a good 45 minutes calling up each member of his family and friends to light a candle. The most interesting, I believe it was candle number 593, was for his brother Ray (apparently named after a pizza). You see, when each person or couple was called up, the disc jockey would play specialized music for them. But, when Ray stepped up, we heard Ozzy Osbourne yell out "All Aboard!" followed by the signature baseline of "Crazy Train." Which, of course, led me to wonder, can you really play music by Black Sabbath in a synagogue?Fortunately, the universe did not collapse onto itself.

Sitting next to me was Dennis, Jonathan's diving buddy who takes him on these excursions to Aruba and other locales sans wife and kids. For the benefit of the married men on the crew, I questioned, maybe more like interrogated, Dennis on how he is able to leave his wife for a week at a time and go to places like Aruba. And, how he was able to get Jonathan to do the same. Dennis, unfortunately, reported that he has been married for over 35 years and that his wife practically pushes him out the door. Sorry guys, no help there.

Preparations are now under way for the Starship Super Bowl Spectacular, kicking off in, yikes, just six hours from now. I better run...

2009-01-26T09:13:00.000-08:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 10906.8
It certainly feels good to be back home. For the last five days, I was in Sin City on official Starfleet Business. Well, most of it was business. OK, half of it was business. Really, it was like a day and two nights of business. There was some business in there.

I'm told the "L" in Las Vegas stood for lounges, lapdances and lousy odds. But what the hell, I was in the City of Entertainment. I had to experience at least one of those three. Figures, I chose the last.

It all started with a craps table at Casino Royale, which has about as much in common with its James Bond namesake as the Enterprise with any one of the Americas Cup challengers. My play went on for quite some time, but, to be honest, after three hours next to chain-smokers from Philly, I started rooting for 2s, 3s and 12s.

The real heartbreaker came on Saturday in a Hold 'Em poker tournament at Imperial Palace (please note that I was staying at Bellagio, but the costs to just get into games there were so high that I figured we wouldn't see new sails for years -- had to go elsewhere to play.) So there I am, at the table with six others, knocking one out at a time. The first to go was a woman who, after three hands, asked the dealer for a list of what beats what, and then couldn't understand why we were all laughing at her.

Two hours go by. The blinds are $300/$600 and I'm heads-up with this middle-aged bald guy from Seattle. We didn't have eight players, so it's winner takes all (less 10% to the casino.) If things go well, I'll have over $300 in my pocket.

I get pocket 6 and 7, suited, from the dealer -- definitely worth going to the flop. I make my bet and the three cards drop to the table. 8, 9 and 10. My poker face is on -- the same one I use on the crew during races to make them think I know what I'm doing. We bet. Another card -- an Ace. I'm thinking he has an Ace, cause I see him smile. We bet more. Another 6 drops.

I go all in. So does he. $21,000 in chips sitting in the middle of that table. The crowd came in to watch and we stand. The skin-head freak had a 7 and a Jack! The bastard! I would call him worse, but he was actually a pretty nice guy.

I'd say the biggest problem about being in Vegas is that you push yourself to stay out all night until the wee hours. But, being from the east coast, your body automatically wakes you up at 4:30am, so you get to see the sunrise:

Big deal. I had a good three hours of sleep. I'll check email and then go back out to the tables. Standard way of life in this town.

And that's when I found it.

You see, the first night of our business meeting, I was approached by quite a few smiling people who had sailed with me during one of our August business cruises asking, "Aren't you Edd Schillay, Captain of the Starship Enterprise?" Funny, I never get tired hearing that. I began to think about the crew, the boat, our history and how the log is viewed all over the world. I knew it was only a matter of time before our adventures in Eastchester Bay would reach mainstream. And finally, in Vegas, I see it has -- the ultimate tribute to our sailing expertise, down to the picture of the boat on the left as well as Kurt and I on the right:

Viva Las Vegas!

2008-12-24T09:15:00.000-08:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 10897.8
It's amazing to me how quickly time flies. Once again, the holidays are upon us and the year 2009 is just around the corner. So, as in years past, I want to take a moment and wish the Enterprise crew, fans of the log, and their families as well, a very joyous holiday season filled with fun and laughter along with a happy and healthy new year.

May 2009 bring us good friends, good breezes and good cheer. And, oh yeah, 2009 will also bring us:

Could the odd-number curse be over?

See you after Stardate 10900.0!

2008-11-24T08:22:00.000-08:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 10889.6
This past weekend, several members of the Enterprise crew formed a landing party and beamed over to the planet Brooklyn, home of Lt. Commander Mitch Nochlin and his wife Pam. The voyage itself was surprisingly uneventful despite travelling over the Robert Kennedy Memorial Bridge, trying to stay clear of the Marilyn Monroe Tunnel (knowing how much traffic it has seen.)

Mitch's home, an apartment in the Park Slope area, was beautiful in design and warmth, with the center of the space boasting an oval-shaped dining room. But, I must admit, I was disappointed in Lt. Commander Mitch's use of the oval-shaped room and I suggested to him, perhaps, some chairs, a widescreen television and perhaps some office technology around the walls. You know, something more like this:

It was great seeing most everyone again, especially in a setting where nobody was discussing tactics or sail trim. Instead, Lt. June was raving about her new "detox" diet (something Lt. Zoraida had been trying all during the summer.) As I understand it, the detox diet consists of lots of drinking, maple syrup, salt water and no food whatsoever. I was very surprised to hear it also includes taking a laxative, because the whole thing sounds so full of –-

We all caught up on goings on, including my recent bout with pneumonia and my recent purchase of a new refrigerator. Marcy, Commander Richard's wife, was seemingly impressed that I purchased one with an ice-maker stating that Richard also purchased one recently but didn’t choose one with an ice-maker. Commander Richard instantly showed off his technical prowess and stated, "Of course it has an ice-maker. You put water in a tray and place the tray in the freezer. Soon, it'll make ice. It's amazing!"

Although he wasn't there, I could almost hear Kurt say, "Logical. Undeniably logical."

Both Mitch and Pam were the perfect hosts, serving a seemingly endless supply of hors d'oeuvers and wine. Unfortunately, there's only so much wine you can serve before somebody decides to put a propeller beanie on their head.

What a fantastic night. I hope this is just the first of many off-season gatherings for the crew.

2008-10-20T07:29:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 10880.1
This past Saturday, several members of the Enterprise crew helped me bring the Enterprise over to spacedock so that the ship could be laid up for the colder months ahead and some minor refit before resuming her mission next year.

As all of the sails were folded and cushions organized into the shuttlecraft, I could not help but feel proud of the crew around me, giving up a part of their weekend to perform hard labor. Had it been two or three people, this would have been a good day, perhaps two. But, with several in attendance, things were done in just a few hours.

We certainly had enough to do the work, but missing from this year's final voyage of the Enterprise was Captain Dave, Ensign Brittany, Lt. June, Crewman Blake and Lt. Jonathan. While I'm not clear on most of the reasons for the absences, I do know that Lt. Jonathan was at yet another Bar Mitzvah (I suppose the first one just didn't take) and I can only guess that Lt. June spent the last several days and nights camped out in front of the Yankee Stadium box office waiting for postseason tickets to go on sale.

I must admit I was quite a bit uneasy as we backed the Enterprise into the slings and I was the only one still left on board. Even Glenn Vitaglione, the spacedock commander, said he didn't want to be on board when it drops. As the ship lifted into the air, I tried to suppress my fear as to the fate of the ship by glancing down at the "B" in NCC-1701-B on the stern and thinking to myself, worst-case scenario, there are plenty more letters in the alphabet and I'm thankful to be insured by Travelers and not AIG.

And, for the life of me, I could not explain how the idea of the Enterprise in deep space exploring distant galaxies was fine with me, but hanging six feet off the ground at the Morris Yacht and Beach Club in the Bronx was downright terrifying.

While my father, Lt. Ellen and I winterized the impulse engines, a group of what seemed like thirty people were working on finding a way to remove the front hatch. There was so much screwing, drilling and banging up there that the foredeck was beginning to look like a porn shoot.

Finally, it was Crewman Olivier (who is French and who never surrendered, by the way) that determined the best way was to drill away the rivets in the hinges put in by C&C Yachts over 18 years ago. In a few moments the hatch was off and getting ready to be shipped to Connecticut for repairs.

With all of the gear now safely stored near my office and all systems on the Enterprise shut down, we can now look back at the great season we had, knowing it was our best yet, and also enthusiastically look ahead to the 2009 season and beyond. As J.J. Abrams attempts to breathe new life into the franchise on the big screen, we, too, must also make sure that history never forgets the name Enterprise.

2008-10-13T07:05:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 10878.1
This past Saturday, the crew of the Enterprise assembled for our final race of the season, the Port Washington Yacht Club Charity Cup to benefit Ronald McDonald House of Long Island. But, with the exception of the donations made by two or three on board, it's possible next year's race could be for Ronald McDonald Shack of Long Island. We came up real short on the charity part of the event --- very disappointing. Then again, I, myself, may have been able to give more, but for some reason I had trouble reaching my broker at Lehman Brothers.

As for the race part, any chances of switching to a spinnaker division were lost without our foredeck team of Lt. Zoraida and Captain Dave (the latter dropped out the night before because he had nobody to watch the kids -- as if a Nintendo and a spread of KFC wouldn't have done the job for a few hours.) But, that turned out to be a blessing, which I will go into later.

We picked up the Sailing Instructions and Scratch Sheet from the well-organized race committee, including a friendly conversation with their P.R.O. who invited me over to the club for a drink after the race. Unfortunately, I had to turn him down, as the Enterprise had to be back home in time to get Lt. Jonathan off to a Bar Mitzvah.

Yes, dear Log readers, our little Jonathan is becoming a man. How time flies. It seems like only yesterday that he was proud to be cleaning the bottom, dressing up like an 80's television superhero (or a Christmas elf,) and getting his finger stuck in cabinet doors.

We took a quick look at the competition and knew this was going to be a real challenge, especially when the wind lightens as forecasted. Practically every boat in the division was faster. As we prepped for the start, I reminded the crew that with a race like this, it's all going to be up to sail trim.

We were first at the start and led the fleet out of Manhasset Bay on a close reach. And, it looks like the entire theme of Enterprise racing can be summed up by this conversation on board:

Lt. Jonathan: How's my trim?
Lt. Ellen: Isn't that a personal question?

The crew performed amazingly well keeping the Enterprise balanced and trimmed during the 10-mile two-tack race. The one boat that passed us on the second leg fell behind us on the third. And the whole time, a J-37 was on our tail, anywhere from five to a half boat length behind. The captain seemed like a nice enough guy, until he started whining about the size of my whisker pole (which was legal.) Apparently, the local rules (which were not in effect) have some sort of guideline about the maximum length of a pole on the foredeck. I guess people who live in multi-million dollar homes can't afford whisker poles.

Still, no matter how the rest of the race went, it was nice to hear someone say that my pole was too big.

On the final leg, he did pull a maneuver to get ahead of us (he is a faster boat and would give us time anyway), but we quickly retaliated with the same maneuver and pulled right back in front of him, then placing him in the Enterprise's wind shadow (also known as the tractor beam.) He ended up further back than before.

The wind got lighter and with only a half mile to go to the finish, I saw that the Enterprise dropped below Warp One. Lt. Commander Mitch and Ensign Kenny both did spectacular jobs of adjusting sails to find whatever ounce of wind they could.

We crossed the finish line at Warp .7 as the race committee fired off the shotgun into the air, a first-position finish with everyone behind us owing us time. A sweet victory indeed.

We turned back towards home and furled up the headsail for the last time this year, with plenty of time to enjoy Lt. Ellen's homemade celebratory cupcakes, passing all the spinnaker boats in dead air still on the course – Thanks Dave! What a great way to end a great season -- a bullet, a cupcake, and my friends all around me. Next week, we may be putting the ship into spacedock for the winter, but we all know -- the Enterprise will return.

2008-09-26T11:32:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate: 10873.5
Our final race for the season will be the Port Washington YC Charity Cup Regatta, a benefit to raise funds for the Ronald McDonald House of Long Island. I have just submitted our entry.

As in years past, this is one of those rare opportunities to combine or love for racing with helping people far less fortunate than ourselves. We must all admit that the troubles we have encountered with one-design fleets, sea lawyers and light air days all pale in existence to some of the troubles that others face in this world. It’s time to give something back.

It’s time to reach out to friends, co-workers, family and all other contacts. Even if it’s just a little – a little in abundance is a lot. And, they get a tax deduction for donating to a charity.

Send out some emails. Sponsor a little bit yourself. See if your company does matching gifts. Ask your boss. Ask a neighbor.

Do not think of fundraising as asking for money or a loan. You are asking as an advocate for those in need. Don't discount anyone. While you may not have talked to that high school friend for a while, it's never too late to resume a friendship by telling them about your involvement with Ronald McDonald House. Use those who are close to you as a "mini-committee" to reach your goal. Ask them to share their Rolodex, send out letters, help plan a party or find raffle prizes. You don't need to know all of your potential donors; it's okay to accept donations from people you do not know. Just remember to thank them. By carrying their fundraising letters everywhere they go, many participants have received donations in bars, the subway and from passengers in elevators in their offices or apartment buildings. The best way to fundraise is to use a combination of techniques, including a raffle, a fundraising letter, a party, corporate involvement, etc. Involve everyone you know. Most people find that their daily contacts supply plenty of potential donors. You'd be surprised at how many people you know - even casual acquaintances - who will support your efforts. Make sure everyone realizes that their contribution last much longer than the 30 seconds it takes to write a check. Mention your efforts whenever possible. You never know when someone has $20 burning a hole in their pocket. Ask, ask, ask.

Please make all checks payable to the Ronald McDonald House of Long Island or, for a much simpler way to donate, you may donate online at our new fundraising website: http://www.firstgiving.com/starship.

We’ll finish off our season doing something right. Boldly.

2008-09-15T08:09:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 10870.5
With the bulk of the season behind us, I find myself planning for the Port Washington YC Charity Cup, hauling the ship and the future seasons on the Enterprise.

Trying not to be sad about the passing of another year, to cheer myself up, I started to flip through the numerous photographs taken by members of the crew over the season, from pictures of Lt. Jonathan and Commander Jory sanding down the hull; to our first shakedown cruise; to the Montauk Worlds Regatta; and finally to the photos taken by Lt. Kurt on the final Wednesday Night.

For the most part, I liked Kurt's photos, capturing the crew preparing for the last Wednesday Night race in very light conditions. But, even since last Thursday when I first saw it, there was one photo in particular that had me worried.

Yes, Lt. Zoraida seems happy to be on the water and perhaps that look in her eyes was based more on fatigue from long days at work rather than trying to scare those around her.

But, she was carrying the boat knife and kept saying something about a social experiment and repeating over and over "¿Que asi pesado?"

"¿Que asi pesado? ¿Que asi pesado?"

I thought nothing of it until today when, on a whim, I just happened to use one of those online translation services. That had me wonder what Zoraida would look like with a little make-up on. Oh my God . . .

Where's Batman when you need him?

Captain's Log: Supplemental
HI: 2, JF: 1

2008-09-11T08:32:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 10869.4
Last night marked the final Wednesday Night Race of the season and, although not official just yet (later today,) marked the Third Place finish overall in our nine-boat division. And, as an added bonus, as Commodore of the organization, I get to pick out the trophies. Man, Third Place is going to be BIG this year.

While last night's race itself was nothing special to remember, searching for unlit marks and puffs in the dark and trying to get every ounce of speed we could out of the warp drive downwind, it did have some great moments. Of course, had the race committee left the original courses up, we'd still be out there.

After the race, we tried something new. Instead of dining at the Snug, Stuyvesant Yacht Club or taking our chances at the City Island Yacht Club, we each brought food and dined on board the Enterprise. A few lights, the cockpit table set and Presto! - A late-night picnic! We had everything from, and I shit you not, champagne to KFC. In fact, it wasn't long since Crewman
Olivier popped the cork (towards Tolo) that Ensign "Cookie" Zoraida finished off a piece of KFC and asked Lt. Jonathan to hold the garbage bag open wider so she wouldn't have to throw her bone into him.

Jonathan was quick to reply that he didn't feel the same way about her. And, in an amazing coincidence, Jonathan's wife's email and web browser suddenly went offline indefinitely.

And, in another amazing coincidence, Ensign Ellen chomped down on KFC for the first time ever and Ensign Kenny announced he got engaged, both known to have drastic reductions in one's lifespan.

And, we'll never forget the generous amounts of Obama and McCain (black and white) cookies that Lt. Kurt brought along, much to the pleasure of Commander Jory. Still, we all did wonder if we were racists if we favored once side of the cookies over the other.

Still, as I saw Lt. Kurt meet up with his mommy and daddy for a ride home and everyone else pile into their cars, it hit me that this was another ending. And while I hope that we can get another weekend race or two in before the Enterprise gets hauled in a little over a month, now would be the right time to review crew performance for the year.

There's not much more I can say about Foredeck Captain Dave that hasn't been said in previous log entries over the many years he's been on the Enterprise. He thinks fast, does what needs to be done and runs the front of the ship like clockwork. Perfect attendance with a real eye for breeze, Dave has been a big part of our victory this year. On behalf of the rest of the crew, thank you.

Commander Richard, my father, spent the last race at home recovering from cataract surgery watching the Yankees lose (again) on television through big chunky sunglasses. With good attendance on Wednesday Nights, the crew has come to realize that we'd have a better chance of seeing Elvis than Richard on a weekend race. Still, he is always looking at sail trim and the logistics of maneuvers. If anything, he needs to work on a new multi-phasic transporter system, so he can be in several places at one time. We all had a real good scare when he was hospitalized at the beginning of the year for a triple bypass. We can't say enough how much it means to us to have him still with us, both on the Enterprise and off.

Commander Jory, despite missing races earlier in the season for work and a few towards the end during a trip to Italy (coming back with a traditional "Mr. Spock" haircut - how's that for dedication?) worked very well, as in years before, on the bridge in all conditions. And, Jory never seemed to tire of blowing the guy, week after week. Will that joke ever get old?

Lt. Commander Mitch never ceases to amaze me in his quest to learn more and more about boat handling and sail trim. It wasn't that long ago that Mitch joined the Enterprise from Eagle with bruises, broken bones and severed limbs, and in that time, Mitch has grown into a very knowledgeable and accomplished racer. The biggest problem is trying to get his 45-foot duffle bag into the 40-foot Enterprise. And he wonders why I bought a bigger boat three years ago...

The season is ending at a perfect time for Lt. Jonathan, as casting calls have begun for Peter Jackson's new film, "The Hobbit." In all seriousness, despite being late a few times and missing some races due to family commitments and his Grateful Dead tribute band, Jonathan has been a vital member of the team, always thinking about speed, trim and crew responsibilities. I'm honored to call him a friend.

Lt. Kurt, whom we didn't expect to see much of at all this season, did make it out for a few, including the one where he was needed the most, where I was flying back from Indianapolis and then breaking every conceivable traffic law (including a few that haven't been invented yet) driving to City Island from LaGuardia Airport. The key to seeing more of Kurt next year is to provide a complete list of City Island dining choices and comprehensive menus to his parents.

Zoraida "Cookie" Morales, no longer suffering from arthritis and returning to the foredeck to replace the suddenly-absent, probably-pregnant Ensign Brittany, has once again amazed us with her abilities and providing the very best Pepperidge Farm cookies. She also has an uncanny way of throwing Spanish exclamations into every tense situation, giving the Enterprise a multi-lingual flair and a suitable explanation as to why the Internet hits of this Captain's Log have increased in Spain and Latin America. Effective this Stardate, she is increased in rank to the level of Lieutenant.

June Murakami only missed one race this season and her abilities running the starboard side of the pit are close to perfection. And, her continued dedication to the New York Yankees shows us that she's sentimental to lost causes, making her a perfect fit for serving on the Enterprise. Effective this Stardate, she is increased in rank to the level of Lieutenant.

Ensign Brittany Lee ditched us in the middle of the season this year to cruise the Canary Islands and then visit Europe, missing several key races and not returning to the Enterprise when promised. While the Enterprise has been quieter with far less discussion about 80's pop music bands, we do hope she finds a way to return to us next season. Is there such a thing as Wednesday Night Day Care?

Ellen Keane has not only made every single race this season (including the weekend events,) she has repeatedly made herself available to help with maintenance, repairs and has taken a leading role in keeping the Enterprise clean, including some well-fought battles with whatever life form that keeps setting off the Intruder Alert alarms in the head. She has been instrumental in our downwind strategy and a big part of solving our earlier jibing difficulties. And, to be honest, she makes the boat look good too. Effective this Stardate, she is increased in rank to the level of Lieutenant.

Oh my God, she killed Ensign Kenny! You bastards! Well, not yet. But, with missing several races earlier on in the season thanks to commitments with his girlfriend, now fiancé', we wonder if the end of Kenny is drawing near. And, we think, maybe just a little, Mitch's heart was broken when Kenny announced the engagement to his girlfriend. They were such a good team, not only working together on sail trim, but both doing spot-on impressions of Richard telling me I'm pinching upwind. We can only hope that the marriage lasts long enough where he can't wait to be away from the nagging wife to get out of the house and back on the water with us. In all honesty, from all of us, congratulations Kenny. Please do come back. And yes, invite her along.

Crewman Olivier returned to us mid-season right after Ensign Brittany left (could they be the same person?) Olivier has learned quite a bit this year and has been always ready to jump to action and help out when needed (and even when not needed.) We hope he stays in the U.S. and continues to serve on the Enterprise in years to come.

Crewman Blake, only making 50% of the races since officially joining the crew, has sworn to being part of the team for some weekends and Wednesdays to come. He seems to have a real knack for racing and we hope he keeps his word.

Finally, though not an easy decision, for only making three races in the last two years, Brad McGill has been demoted from the rank of Crewman to H.T.S. First Class, effective this Stardate. We're well aware that Brad has had his hands full with a new baby and a new business, but we hope he can find a way back onto the Enterprise in 2009 and beyond. But, until then, you should know that H.T.S. stands for Holding Tank Siphon.

Thank you all for such an amazing summer. You have enriched my life and I am proud to have you all as friends. Simply put, there has been no better crew. There is no group I'd rather go boldly with. The Enterprise is a flagship because of you.

2008-09-04T07:19:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Stardate 10867.5
Yesterday started out with me in a great mood -- I received in the mail the latest issue of WindCheck magazine and, on the last page, was an article about me in "Sound People" based on an interview held in my office a month earlier. The article talks about EBYRA, my ongoing policy to bring new people into the sport of yacht racing, the crew of the Enterprise and even this Captain's Log.

Often hilarious ("Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a winch grinder.") and always irreverent, this blog names names and pulls no punches.

Irreverent? Irreverent?? Fuck you. :-)

And the best part of the day was that it was race night -- the second to last Wednesday Night Race of the season. The weather was looking great, key people were returning and the conditions were ours.

Missing for the mission were Lt. Kurt (I guess mommy and daddy were busy,) Ensign Brittany (who claims she's homeless and looking for a new apartment in NYC -- we think she's looking for one with a nursery,) Crewman Blake (saying he had to work for 'the man', but clearly not for 'the captain') and Ensign June, who had to go to Boston. She claims it was for work, but we think it's because she's finally wised up and ditched the Yankees to become a Red Sox fan.

We told Commander Richard that, for the night, he was to be June. He had to run the starboard side of the pit and be sure to, along the way, tell long-winded stories that are completely off base with whatever was going on at the moment.

And, when possible, if something can be said in eight words or less to, instead, use no less than fifty words.

Our start was well-executed and it was a thrill to not only see Whirlwind and Crossbow called over early but also feel the Enterprise accelerate out of the massive wind shadow of Captain Ohstrom's behemoth Star. Amazingly enough, the Romulan warbird Breakaway kind of, well, broke away and led the pack to the upwind mark, with the Enterprise rounding not far behind.

Our first chute set was perfect, but I broke one of my rules going downwind -- Don't jibe until at least five minutes after Richard insists that we must jibe now. We went too early and lost some footing along the way, especially during our last-second take-down-jibe-and-jibe-again maneuver around the second mark. The last time I saw anything that hideous was when William Shatner was wearing a wetsuit on an episode of Boston Legal.

Things were still all right until the second spinnaker set at the last mark. As the chute came out of the hatch, we heard a ripping noise and all I could think was "Dear God, I hope that's Ensign Ellen's pants." But, no such luck. With a good hoist, the chute was up, but not in one piece. The crew did a great job of getting what was left of it down and sailing the last leg with the jib (at Warp 8 no less, thanks to a nearby storm cell,) but I was so upset at this point that I considered chugging down the boxed wine.

We ended the night at The Snug, still making it home in time to catch The Daily Show's coverage of the Republican National Convention live from the stalls in the men's room near Gate C11 of the Minnesota/St. Paul airport. Link: "The Cream of the Republican Party."

The chute is back at UK for repairs (thank you Tom Nye and the gang) and assuming all goes without incident during Hanna, we'll be ready for next week.

2008-08-28T14:45:00.000-07:00

Captain's Log: Supplemental
Thank you to Commander Richard for sending over this final photograph from the Montauk Worlds Regatta -- a shot of Lt. Jonathan standing on the street with a local merchant's parrot on his shoulder.

But, as it turns out, I have learned that this photograph was merely a practice session for Jonathan as he plans to assume a new post on a different ship during the colder months once the Enterprise is decommissioned for the season.

So here he is -- the new main sail trimmer for the Black Pearl:

I wonder if they'll keep him . . .